Friday, December 29, 2006

This is the end / Beautiful friend / This is the end / My only friend, the end

Welcome to the WEEK 17 edition of Always Be Covering. Once again I'll be taking a look at a sampling of the games that catch my interest for no reason in particular. Today we examine the last final week of the NFL's regular season and as you can tell by the title of this post, I'm a bit emotional high. So this week each game we spotlight will be accompanied by an appropriate lyric from the greatest depressing song of all time (feel free to tell me I'm wrong about that in the comment section, I'm sure you just love Alice In Chains type shit you fucking loser).

Disclaimer
Only gamble money you can afford to lose...because you're probably going to lose. Compared to the NFL Jim Morrison's death makes perfect sense.

I'm posting this picture because it makes them look gay...especially Eli, who is apparently sporting a semen drenched Hitler-stache.

Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...I want to...fuck you
Washington +3 vs. New York Giants
Hmmm...that Eli Manning sure is confused these days, the natural progression should lead him to a nasty Oedipal complex. We already knew of his incestuous fantasies involving Peyton (see above) but this would be the coup de grace. Granted I don't bet on the Redskins, but that doesn't mean you can't. Watching them ruin the Giants season will almost make up for all the bad stuff.

Is this a young Jim Morrison or one of Bobby Bowden's recruits?

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill

Rams -3 @
Minnesota
This lyric goes out to The Lou's most fearsome player on and off the field, Leonard Little. Regardless of whether you are a quarterback or a a woman out driving he's the last guy you'd want coming from the blindside. Seeing as how Morrison attended Florida State and Minnesota just benched Brad Johnson, I'd say this one's a lock.

The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest

Seattle +3.5 @ Tampa Bay
All the Seahawks have to do is show up to cover this spread. They have enough veterans to know they can't keep playing like a bunch of retarded 12 year-olds (keep your panties on Siobhan) if they are going to do anything once the playoffs start. Besides, Jon Gruden has a long history of losing out to Mike Holmgren starting way back at the buffet lines in Green Bay.

"I shit bigger than you"

The blue bus is callin' us
The blue bus is callin' us

Driver, where you takin' us?

San Diego -13.5 vs. Arizona
Lorenzo Neal is the baddest motherfucker to ever play fullback. If you don't bet on him he'll probably take a shit on your mother's chest just to assert his dominance. San Diego has to win this one to lock up home field advantage all the way through the playoffs. The only way they can blow this is if Marty Schottenheimer remembers that he's a fascist fuckwad with a propensity to pussy out when it matters (i.e. two weeks from now).

That's it for the regular season, but I'll be back for the playoffs. Feel free to offer up your own ill-fated prognostications in the comment section.


56 comments:

BoSox Siobhan said...

I really do prefer my 12-year-old lovers to be of high intelligence, UM. You know, so we can talk about matter of great import.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

"Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles"

yeah, man....yeah....

btw: Alice in Chains WAS FUCKIN' AWESOME!

Best Three Rock Vocalists of All Time:
#1: Maynard James Keenan
#2: Layne Staley
#3: Jim Morrison

Honorable Mention: Robert Plant

let the browbeating begin.

bates said...

undead zombie horde...

I...but...well...the...

I honestly don't even know where to begin telling you what's wrong with that post.

Unsilent Majority said...

undead- this is so not the point of this post but who the fuck cares. that list is crap without Roger Daltrey and Freddie Mercury.

Son of Brasky said...

Eli always looks like he just finished getting his ass kicked by Peyton in the back yard. What a bitch.

I've got to believe Steve Perry should at least get a mention on that list.

Suss & The Family Stone said...

If this does turn into a list of the greatest musicians, I can guarantee there will be little disagreement among the commenters.

WeJamEcono said...

No to Steve Perry. He could sing a ballad to poorly grope your date in the back seat of the car, but nothing more.

Daltry, Plant, Lemmy.

Signal to Noise said...

oh horde...Morrison and Staley aren't even in the top five, and Staley does not make top ten.

flubby said...

This list needs more Tortelvis and David St. Hubbins.

The Pirate Sloth said...

The Shatner.

Greatest. Singer. Ever.

Discussion closed.

And if the Seahawks bend over for Tampa ... I'm going to get down on the sidelines at Qwest Field next week and beat the shit out of them.

Son of Brasky said...

"He could sing a ballad to poorly grope your date in the back seat of the car..."

What more do you want out of a rock band lead singer? "We're Journey. We make groping music."

How about Dennis DeYoung from Styx?

Son of Brasky said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unsilent Majority said...

oy vey

Larry Bird Flu said...

Greg Dulli...I know some of you will know him. And those that do are cool.

UM - don't forget that frankly, Nazi Marty is the best coach the Skins have had since Gibbs first retirement. I know that's blasphemy and all with the latest Gibbs incarnation, but it's probably true.

Unsilent Majority said...

it's definately true. now i'm going to go hang myself.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

UM- I know it wasn't the point of the post. I'm actually at work and I am very bored. It was early I just wanted to kick up some dust.


Since I've ruined this post (sorry) I might as well continue:

I can understand why most wouldn't like Staley, but Morrison not in the top 5? c'mon.

Greg Dulli, huh? The Afghan Whigs singer? You're joking, right? Next thing someone will try and tell me the Violent Femmes are actually talented.

Mike said...

Larry Bird, Dulli was the dude from the Afghan Whigs, right? And if that's the guy, he also sang lead on that Beatles cover band with Thurston Moore & Lee Ranaldo. What the fuck were they called?

SteveJeltzFan said...

Some of you have very poor taste in music. Or at least a very odd concept of what makes a great rock vocalist.

SteveJeltzFan said...

Mike - they were called "Backbeat"

Dulli, Moore, Dave Pirner, Dave Grohl, Mike Mills, and Don Fleming from Gumball.

I think they did one live performance at the MTV Movie Awards and tore shit up.

Jordi said...

As much as I love Jim Morrison and I think Layne Staley is one great lyricist, the most depressing song I have ever heard was an old gangsta rap song called Lord Have Mercy by Da Lench Mob. Among the lyrics "I wish when my pops got the erection/ he woulda used protection" and "So many died, before they got full grown/ Plus I got an ingrown toenail".

- Jordi

Undead Zombie Horde said...

damn. that is depressing.

Mike said...

"Backbeat"

Dulli, Moore, Dave Pirner, Dave Grohl, Mike Mills, and Don Fleming from Gumball.


Backbeat, right. From that flick I never saw. Pirner, from Soul Asylum? Don't remember him or Grohl in the group. Ah, memory.

I think they did one live performance at the MTV Movie Awards and tore shit up.

Yes. Whatever live performance I saw, they kicked mountains of ass.

Chamomiles Davis said...

How the fuck has Geddy Lee not even been mentioned yet? Jesus! Ozzy, anyone? Brian Johnson?

Unsilent Majority said...

It's the last gambling week of the regular season and you guys are talking about a Beatles cover band...the internets are a strange place indeed.

Becky said...

I'm just puzzled why there's no line on the Lions game...

Hope is still alive (heh) for a 3-win (hee hee hee) season here. HAHAHA.

And if you don't love Jim Morrison - or chew Big Red - then fuck you.

Chris said...

Well I do love the vocal styling of Jim Morrison, but I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".

Unsilent Majority said...

Becky, the Lions are getting thirteen. The only downed line is the kc/jax game and there's still no line for the carolina game. probably won't be until they name a starter.

Chris said...

um what are you feelings on the titans/pats game this weekend. i have not looked to see what the line is.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Chris - The battle between The Dreamboat™ and V.Y. is the battle for Siobhan's heart.

Chris said...

Also UM your right about Lorenzo. He was a bad ass motherfucker on kick returns when he was with TN. He is truly a human bowling ball.

8hrdrive said...

What about Elton John, Michael Jackson, or George Michael?

This is totally off the subject but, one day I was getting fucked in the ass.. I mean pounded hard. The guy reaches around and starts stroking my cock...and I was like, "don't touch my dick! What are you, a fucking faggot?"

This is the gayest post ever!

Titans/Pats matchup: very interesting

Becky said...

Thanks UM, perhaps no one really cares enough about the Lions to make the line easily accessible for my hungover ass...

Son of Brasky said...

The fucking Doors suck. I thought they sucked when I was 13 and everyone else liked them, and they still suck today. Becky, I don't like the Doors, and I prefer winterfresh. Bring it.

Props to whoever mentioned Brian Johnson. If you want to get serious about hard core lead singers, let's talk about Ice Cube and his brief stint as a heavy metal lead singer. 'Please believe that'.

UM, an inside source tells me that John Kasay will be starting at QB for the Panthers this weekend. Chris Steinke has been relegated to cleaning up Steve Smith's vomit.

The Pirate Sloth said...

I'll cheer for the Lions just for you Becky.

Any luck on a job yet?

doug_plank said...

Brasky-

Are you talking about Ice-T and Body Count?

I like Lennon.

Larry Bird Flu said...

Yeah, Dulli is awesome...especially live.

But enough about him. I'm with you, UM, on Schottenheimer. Sucks that he was the best Skins coach of the last 15 years. That kills me too.

You might want to start a side blog dedicated to bringing down Dan Snyder. Though he'd probably have you cut down like all those trees. I hate that midget.

Unsilent Majority said...

I have to go with New England at +3. I don't see this winning streak heading into next year.

SteveJeltzFan said...

let's talk about Ice Cube and his brief stint as a heavy metal lead singer.

It's Ice T who fronted the heavy metal band Body Count ("Cop Killer"). BC put out a new, and atrocious, album recently.

/loser for knowing this.

Becky said...

Sloth - No job yet, still working on my 23 day long weekend. Thanks for thinking of me though! No point cheering for the Lions, we'll probably win to fuck up getting the #1 pick, or we'll get it and take (brother of Barbaro) Brady Quinn. Either way, the Lions deserve no cheering.

Brasky - I am in no way a "rock chick," but I don't get it, how can you not like the Doors? And confusing Ice Cube with Ice-T... I oughta kick you square in the balls.

Larry Bird Flu said...

Something tells me Becky just made UM a little moist with her last comment.

He manTooth said...

Bon Scott.

Greasy, dirty, and scummy.

And the best.

Unsilent Majority said...

sooooo moist

The Pirate Sloth said...

Moist might be one of the most disturbing words in the English language.

highonLowe said...

I don't like the Doors, and I prefer winterfresh.
just go ahead and change your name to Dr Quinn, and, Medicine Woman

Larry Bird Flu said...

My co-worker (female) visibly recoils at the word "moist." Especially when followed with "panties." Our office is a cesspool of sexual harrassment.

highonLowe said...

It must be great working there. My office is a cesspool of social retardation

Awful Chief said...

Moist is for cake and panties only.

Becky, the Lions are going to win. As shitty as they always are, we never end up with the #1 pick...which is fine because we would just take another wide receiver or qb that we will never develop.

Mike, were you thinking of Ciccone Youth, who made The Whitey Album?

Becky said...

Moist is an adjective definitely reserved for few things in life. Pretty much the best things.

mrmom61 said...

he mantooth got it right. Bon Scott plus angus young equals the best live show ever. Those of us old enough to have seen them know what im talking about.

dusty said...

Bon Scott and Robert Plant,two of the best..the rest couldn't hold their jockstraps..or microphone stands..whichever the case may be.

Marty's post season record has been giving me nightmares for the last month..not to mention the last time the Chargers played in a SuperBowl..god, I need a drink just typing that last part.

Mike said...

Awful Chief- Nah, not thinking of Ciccione Youth. Just letting my declining memory overcome reality and sticking Lee in there.

Oh well.

Signal to Noise said...

Greg Dulli needs to be on the top ten list. I missed the Afghan Whigs (broke up after I discovered 'em), but if you see the Twilight Singers live, you will not be disappointed.

Robert Plant and Bon Scott are the top two. All discussion can go from there.

twoeightnine said...

just wait until you get to day 115 of your weekend becky, that's when it gets real fun.

Unsilent Majority said...

comparing jim morrison to bon scott is as stupid as comparing jim brown to gale sayers...because jim brown was better.

Unsilent Majority said...

i may be on vicodin but i'm prepared to nominate myself for analogy of the century.

wv: ifvrtlxh

THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL WORD, IT'S TOTAL NONSENSE!

yeah i smoked a blunt too...

dusty said...

Nothing like a wake n' bake UM.