IT'S RAININ' SIDEWAYS!

Ho-ly SHIT! It is fucking pouring right now in Seattle. For those of you not able to watch the game in glorious NFL Network Hi Def I'm here to give you the full Blacccu-Weather updates.


After a slight delay they decided to kick off. Shortly thereafter an NFL sideline reporter told us that the field was bubbling up in several spots because of poor drainage. They might not be able to finish this game; this is the NFL not some pussy ass college game! I don't care if Jesus starts tossing lighting bolts from high atop Mt. Olympus while his wife Mary sucks his dick...YOU FINISH THE FUCKING GAME!

It looks like the rain is easing up for the time being but the wind is a bit of an issue as well. Apparently they're expecting wind gusts up to 80 mph. Somewhere Al Gore silently weeps. Even the commentators have been effected...at least I think what that's what Bryant was talking about when he said was getting wet. Then again, Chris Collinsworth is a sexy sexy man woman person alien (I love how that picture is used in as a selling point for this makeup artist...her name is Carolyn and she's a Marylander. Thank you Carolyn.)

So far nothing good has happened in the actual game. Nobody can hold the football and it looks like we're in store for roughly 30 dropped interceptions and at least a hundred fumbles. The Niners would be better off starting GI Joe at quarterback, he's got the kung fu grip. Alex Smith has the hands of a 7 year-old...a gay 7 year-old.

Of course I started The Hass and Shaun in my fantasy league. I think I'm going to go break things...I'll be back later.