Friday, December 15, 2006

Raiders finally win a big one...

My Raiders scored their biggest victory in years this week, completely embarrassing the New England Patriots. No, this triumph did not occur within the confines of the gridiron. The NFL made it clear with the Tuck Rule, they have a formal, comprehensive policy designed to prevent the Raiders from ever winning a game against New England on the field. No, this was a cerebral victory of the over the NFL's most vaunted brain trust.

At the end of training camp this season, the Raiders traded wide receiver Doug Gabriel to the Patriots in exchange for a fifth round draft pick. On Tuesday, the Patriots waived Gabriel. On Wednesday, the Raiders claimed Gabriel off the wavier wire. Even if the Raiders would have had Gabriel this season, they still would have sucked. Now the Raiders have Gabriel AND the Patriots' draft pick.

Sure, you're saying, 'big freaking deal, a fifth-round pick." Wrong, shithead! Before you scoff, do you know who was a fifth-round draft pick? Zach Thomas, that's who. The Patriots essentially borrowed Doug Gabriel for three months and the Raiders get Zach Fucking Thomas. What a brilliant stratagem by the Raider brass.

Slowly, it has begun to dawn on me: the extended Raider decline has been an exhaustive attempt to lull the rest of the league into complacency. Yes, that surely must be it! There is no other rational explanation. The pieces are falling in place. Even now the cagey Al Davis is no doubt shaking off his senile supercentenarian charade, much like Verbal Kint morphing into Keyser Soze. Huzzah, it was all a ruse! The master plan is coming together. The Raiders are back, baby! I never doubted them for an instant. Next stop the SUPER BOWL!

Now gimme back that bottle of ether....

11 comments:

The Last Unitard said...

There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

Christmas Ape said...

Where was the No Interceptions in the Endzone Rule when I needed it in Week 8?

What's going to be especially sad is if the Steelers win out, finish 9-7, a game out of the playoffs, and the giveaway losses to the Bengals and the Raiders will have been what cost them. Damn it all.

peytonloveskenny said...

What Christmas Ape said.

Smello said...

Lulling. Of course. Not sure why I didn't think of that. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Davis is crazy...like a fox. Thank you, flubby. I'll be ordering my Super Bowl XLII Champion t-shirt right now.

Monday Morning Punter said...

I'm glad the print version of KSK is making the rounds.

Mike said...

Wait a minute, flub, you're a Raiders fan? I'm sorry.

Oh wait, the Seahawks choked again in the fourth quarter last night. Pass the ether.

Otto Man said...

Al Davis lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.

doug_plank said...

Has John Shoop run the pass play where they throw the ball back 8 yards off the line of scrimmage?

That was his favorite with the Bears when it was third down and 8 yards to go.


Good times.

feep said...

Man, Millen is way ahead of you with the "lulling" plan. Any year now, his plan will come together. First he'll need a big guy with a mohawk, a crazy guy, a smooth talker, and a black van with a red stripe. He'll call them... the A-Team. Because if there is one thing Millen loves, is when a plan comes together.

Is it too soon for another Millen man march?

BigTDog said...

Flubby:
I'm just happy to have the Raiders represented on KSK. Fight the good fight.

Unsilent Majority said...

The Man In the Yellow Hat did naughty naughty things to flubby