Sunday, December 24, 2006

ESPN stuffs your stocking with guy-on-guy shower action...

As if the whole quarterback-center dynamic wasn't homoerotic enough, ESPN has managed to make it even more swishy. This morning on ESPN's "Sunday Countdown", Chris Mortensen played Santa to all football fans who put hot manlove stories on their Christmas wish list. Mort was positively giddy when he announced that in preparation for possibly inclement weather, Philip Rivers and Nick Hardwick practiced taking snaps in the locker-room shower.

Decorum and a respect for holiday sensibilities prohibits me from providing a complete transcript; but Mort breathlessly discussed "15 wet snaps" and went on to describe Rivers and Hardwick "going full blown with that shower head turned all the way up." Mort then encouraged viewers to let their imaginations to run wild, "Pcture that," he gushed, "Rivers and Hardwick under the shower in the locker-room." Pervy Mort seemed absolutely crestfallen when he belatedly added that the duo were in their practice uniforms at the time of this suposed tryst.


In 2005, we were blessed with the miracle of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders incident; a story that has served as spank-bank material for a generation. Today, we have arrived at the complete polar opposite-- and on Christmas Eve no less.

Thanks for messing with Christmas, Mort, you cock. Visions of sugar-plums are supposed to be dancing in my head, not visions of burly men grunting on a wet tile floor. It will take a lot of Maker's Mark to wash away this stain on the holidays. I'll let you know how it turns out...

10 comments:

The Angry Rant said...

Look at it this way: At least now when one of your relatives asks why you're hitting the bottle so hard, you can blame Mort, not Aunt Bea's Mustache/Beehive combo.

swing4 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
swing4 said...

Paging Siobhan....

TroubleHelix said...

This isn't even the first time locker room homosexuality has been reported about a QB (i.e. Tom Brady milkshake incident)!
not that there's anything wrong with that

Clint said...

lol. HE CAN'T HELP IT, HE LOVES PHIL RIVERS

Bulger in My Pants said...

"What the heck. We thought it would be fun," Rivers said. "We got off 15 good ones."

I bet you did, Philip, I bet you did.

SportsVision said...

Who knew this would be the new MartBall? Talk about wrapping up the WOW!

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Today, we have arrived at the complete polar opposite-- and on Christmas Eve no less.

And no one took pictures of this wondrous event? C'MON ESPN YOU'RE SLACKING!

Hey, some of us girls like this sort of thing.

BoSox Siobhan said...

If only they had been nekkid.
Sigh.

doug_plank said...

All this on the eve of Romo vs Homo in Dallas.

Has the whole world gone gay???