ESPN stuffs your stocking with guy-on-guy shower action...

As if the whole quarterback-center dynamic wasn't homoerotic enough, ESPN has managed to make it even more swishy. This morning on ESPN's "Sunday Countdown", Chris Mortensen played Santa to all football fans who put hot manlove stories on their Christmas wish list. Mort was positively giddy when he announced that in preparation for possibly inclement weather, Philip Rivers and Nick Hardwick practiced taking snaps in the locker-room shower.

Decorum and a respect for holiday sensibilities prohibits me from providing a complete transcript; but Mort breathlessly discussed "15 wet snaps" and went on to describe Rivers and Hardwick "going full blown with that shower head turned all the way up." Mort then encouraged viewers to let their imaginations to run wild, "Pcture that," he gushed, "Rivers and Hardwick under the shower in the locker-room." Pervy Mort seemed absolutely crestfallen when he belatedly added that the duo were in their practice uniforms at the time of this suposed tryst.


In 2005, we were blessed with the miracle of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders incident; a story that has served as spank-bank material for a generation. Today, we have arrived at the complete polar opposite-- and on Christmas Eve no less.

Thanks for messing with Christmas, Mort, you cock. Visions of sugar-plums are supposed to be dancing in my head, not visions of burly men grunting on a wet tile floor. It will take a lot of Maker's Mark to wash away this stain on the holidays. I'll let you know how it turns out...