Informative? No. Enlightening? No. The Best F--king Sports Blog in the Universe? You Bet Your Sweet, Sweet Ass
What do you get when you threaten to humiliate a reporter's daughter, call Bill Simmons a fucktard, use the word "fuck" as a frequent writing crutch, post lots of YouTube clips as filler, and shamelessly suckle off the teat of Will Leitch?
A major fucking award, that's what.
That's right. Kissing Suzy Kolber has won the 2006 Weblog Best Sports Blog award. We're officially the best sports blog on the internet (um, pending verification). The entire internet. Even the Danish one. Lick it.
Now, I think you know what happens next: millions of dollars, international acclaim, a ruthless cocaine habit that knows no bottom, untold numbers of groupies banged and STD's contracted, and a bitter, bitter break up. But before all that happens next week, there are four groups of people who deserve our genuine thanks for helping us win this thing:
Will Leitch. Let's be honest. All Will had to do was say, "Hey, go vote for Deadspin!" a couple times and we would have been smoked like Chris Henry's rolling papers. Leitch let us win. And, man, does it feel good. I tell you, there's no more satisfying way to win anything. I'll take that shit every day and twice on Sunday. I'll even include a flattering picture of him as thanks. Who knew Annie Liebovitz was a Deadspin reader?
KSK came out of Deadspin, and I think it's fair to say that Deadspin has established itself as the finest sports site on the internet today. Not just among blogs. So Will's generosity and endorsement are most certainly appreciated.
Then again, Will gets paid. So fuck him.
Whoever nominated us. We didn't do it. We didn't even know the awards existed. Someone pointed it out to us. According to the awards site, here's how nominees were picked:
There was a call for nominations early in November for all of the categories. There were around 4,500 nominations overall for the various categories. The list of nominees was pared down by myself (Kevin Aylward) and a team volunteers. For the most part if a site was not nominated it wasn't even considered as a finalist, though in categories with a small number of nominees we had to do some research. In some cases blogs nominated in one category were shifted to other categories we felt were more appropriate.
It's clear now what occurred. Someone was kind enough to nominate us, and then Kevin mixed us up with George Will's Web Record of Erudite 1870's Baseball Recollections and Overly Pedantic Foreign Policy Commentary. Happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So thanks to whoever did that. You truly did the Lord's work. That Lord being Louis Cyphre, Crown Prince of Darkness.
Everyone who voted for us. Over 2,000 people voted for us. Well, not including the seven of us. Multiple times. And our friends and families and random passersby in the street who were also asked (strong-armed) to vote for us. Again, multiple times. So that leaves at least 4 of you. Frankly, the fact that anyone voted for us is both touching and a sign of the coming Rapture. No need for you to wear your clothes tomorrow. Jesus will take you au naturel. Heaven, apparently, is a nudist colony.
Thanks to everyone who voted for us. The fact that anyone reads this shit blows my mind every day. I cannot tell you how much we appreciate it. And finally, special thanks go out to...
Us. God, we're good. We're just so fucking good. I love me some virtual me.
Thanks again. It's all steeply downhill from here, lads!
NOTE: We've also had our sports blogging championship ring already commissioned. Have a look.
I think it looks quite sharp, no?