How good is your gay-dar? Can you tell the difference between someone being friendly and being friendly? Believe it or not, it's much easier to pick it up with language than physical characteristics.
Take our guy Peter King, for example. He's been covering the shit out of the NFL for a long time, and of course he loves what he does for a living (unlike, say, anybody currently reading this at work). But sometimes the plaudits and punditry that he dispenses can border on, well, homo-erotic.
Is it just me? Am I the only one getting creeped out by the PK man-love? Can we get some impartial, unbiased point of view to sift through the possibly gay debris, if only to see if I just might be freakishly paranoid? Or even (Noooooooo!) homophobic?
Can we do that? Why, yes we can.
Without further ado, I present the Peter King Manlove Translator.
This Week: Cowboys QB Tony Romo
from Week 7: "I love this game. Just love it. And there's a good chance I'll look foolish for writing what I think could happen here. But I see the Giants' front seven attacking and puncturing the Dallas pocket in the first half, chasing down Drew Bledsoe."
Uh, okay. Let's continue.
"I see Tony Romo coming in during the second half -- much to the chagrin of Joe Theismann, who immediately pronounces it a horrible mistake for Bill Parcells to ever think of benching Bledsoe for some kid who has never thrown in a game that counts since playing at Eastern Illinois -- and rallying the troops to victory. A star [will be] born."
Hmm. Not picking up anything yet.
Week 9: "It's Romo time. Bill, you did the right thing."
Eureka! Now we're rolling.
Week 10: "Peyton Manning's first trip to Texas Stadium. I trust the combo platter of Tony Romo's uber-confidence and the double hammer of Julius Jones and Marion Barber III.".
Week 11: Troy Aikman, looking down on this game for FOX, thinks to himself midway through the four quarter, I can't believe I'm considering this in Tony Romo's sixth NFL game. But the kid actually might be as good as I was."
"I am positive that at some point in the second half, former Dallas offensive coordinator Sean Payton will look at Tony Romo and say to a trusted aide: "I taught this kid too well."
Week 14: "Tony Romo recovers from his first bad game since sixth grade to throw for a couple of touchdowns. "Hey," he wonders after the game, "does Jessica Simpson get NFL Network? Think she saw me tonight?"
Special Thanks: Peter Schrager, FOXSports.com