Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Today In An NFL-Related Post:
Schottenheimer Lost In Parking Lot Fired

A. J. Smith has had enough of Marty Schottenheimer's bullshit.

The Chargers GM fired his head coach after tensions boiled over regarding decisions on how Schottenheimer rebuild his staff. Smith's suggestion to hire Ted Cottrell as his new defensive coordinator, and Schottenheimer's reply of telling Smith to go fuck himself, seemed to be the last straw. That is, if you don't count that choke job/reinforcement of je ne suis pas clutch in the playoffs last month. And the year before that. And, like, every year, um ever.

It seemed that Marty wanted his brother Kurt, an assistant at Kansas City, to interview for that position, among others. Smith and team president Dean Wimmer didn't want Jeff Bowden Jay Paterno Marty's brother joining the staff. Dean went on to explain that his vote of confidence in Schottzie the previous month was based on the assumption that the staff would not be pillaged like a Cincinnati storefront circa 2001.

We suspect Marty's taking the news in stride, despite the fact that the firing comes rather late in this phase of the offseason. He'll almost certainly be sitting out for 2007, probably to work on his model train set or that tomato garden he can't stop messing around. A close relative of the former head coach shared this account, regarding Schottenheimer's trip to a local retail outlet after cleaning out his desk yesterday afternoon:



So who's replacing Marty? Is the answer Jesus? Cottrell? Bill Cowher, maybe? Former Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson's name is being mentioned, even. I'm pulling for Ron Rivera; I think he can take this team to the next level. Besides, I'm sick of seeing a black coach win the Super Bowl every year.

15 comments:

whitefolks said...

Keep those tears classy, Marty.

Unsilent Majority said...

that video is so wrong and so great.

was that tourette's guy or shav randolph?

Tranny McHardpenis said...

One of these 2 guys must be a complete, overwhelming asshole. I'm leaning towards AJ "Too old and crusty for my name to be AJ" Smith. But I don't really care who is the asshole, I'd just like someone to leak the 5-10 best examples of why this guy is a cocksucker.

Otto Man said...

If loving that video is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Was that Buddy Ryan's son?

john said...

i simply cant believe that the bird flew into his face at the end.. someone had to have thrown it. either way, it almost made me take a barf i was laughing so hard

grungedave said...

I hate Salisbury... but he brings up an interesting idea:

Dennis Green to the Chargers...

I anxiously await all press conferences!

the dude said...

My vote goes out to Nick Saban.

Unsilent Majority said...

Fuck, I could coach LaDainian

pvoss79 said...

His douchebag brother doesn't coach the lions anymore...he's the packers D-backs coach...so you can see why hiring him would be a bad decision.

Chris said...

Um on your way to San Diego you may want to stop by good will and pick up a few sweat shirts to wear on the side lines next yr.

Flash Sports Tonight said...

I guess no matter how old you are, anyone is capaple of acting like a petulant child and a douche bag. A.J. Smith and Marty Schottenheimer prove this.

To see Marty's first post-firing interview, check out Flash Sports Tonight:

http://flashsportstonight.blogspot.com/2007/02/doc-jocks-marty-schottenheimer.html


Producers
Flash Sports Tonight

save the steagles said...

Ryan Leaf has some coaching experience.

Dickens Cider said...

I think Gary Barnett would be perfect. He will bring in some high class hookers so Gigantosaur wont rage on everyone...see Barnett knows that the key to a successful team is hookers, lots and lots of hookers.

Signal to Noise said...

Guh. Stupid firing by the Chargers. If they were going to do it, they should have done it a month ago.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

Damn, I nearly pissed myself when the bird flew/was thrown into his face.


OK. I pissed myself...