Friday, February 9, 2007

America's Most Blunted--They Grow Up So Fast


...nominated for the best rolled L's
And they wondered how he dealt with stress so well
Wild guess? You could say he stay sedated
Some say buddha'd, some say faded

Some times drug use isn't funny...typically when heroin is involved. That's why we're steering clear of the mess involving Andy Reid's family, some things just aren't ripe for mockery. Reid's got a lot on his plate right now...no, joking would be wrong, let's just move on.

How about a round of applause for the Simms men? Yeah Phil's not the best in the business but compared to Bill Maas he's a fucking wunderkind. Then there's Chris with his measty toughness and his compulsion to validate his man-love in the most permanent of fashions. That right there is a pretty solid NFL Father/Son combo, plus they've got as many titles as all three Mannings.

More recently we've seen the emergence of another one of the Simms clan. Matt, the baby of the family, is a quarterback heading to Louisville. You might remember him for acting like a total douchebag in a high school football game. It was starting to look as if the Simms family had found its black sheep, somebody who offers nothing in the form of entertainment. Well shit done changed and I have a new favorite Simms.



Look at those hands.

Look closer.

Look at that cocktail napkin.

Look closer.




Mmmm...that looks like it's gonna make one hell of a tasty blunt. And as everybody knows, it's not a party unless you've got your Goose on.

Matt Simms, we salute you...unless you're just breaking up weed for the black dude to twist, in which case you're still a bitch. You gotta be self-reliant if you're going to college.

35 comments:

Communist Dan said...

The funniest thing is nobody was sitting by him until he reached into his lovely blue purse located behind him and pulled out the flavored shell and $25 bag of eight for all to enjoy.

Unsilent Majority said...

Check the ridges, that bad boy was cut open like Chris after Carolina got done with him.

Lionel McClure said...

Yeah, looks small too. I'm gonna say his L game is substandard at best. Still, gotta respect the effort. Rolling blunts separates the men from the boys. That, and pubes. But I'm not sure he has those.

save the steagles said...

You can't knock him too much, the kid's only in high school. I'm sure we can expect Rex-level acts of deviance when our young hero gets on campus. The best part of this photo is the presense of that fierce blue purse when there are no females to be seen. On loan from Chris?

Signal to Noise said...

Ahhh...Madvillain.

Matt Simms will be boozing at Churchill Downs and sneaking blunts into the club level in no time.

Grimey said...

There's only so much time left in this crazy world... he's just crumblin' 'erb... he's just crumblin' 'erb....

Happy Fun Miles said...

Matt Simms, you got some 'spleenin to do!

Jez said...

Simms SHOULD have had daughters? Did you say Chris Simms was tough? Brett Favre would have had his spleen removed and been back on the field the next week.

Gradkowski's still the better QB.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

UM, Did you stay up all night just to get that time stamp? Funny guy.

lieutenant winslow said...

oh come on, little Matt was just trying to prepare himself for life with his new rommate at Loisville.

Lou Pickney said...

Carter: That's cigaweed!
Cigaweed Man: Well it looked like a cigarette...
Carter: You better have glaucoma.
Cigaweed Man: I do.

Mike said...

Good call, Undead. I missed that.

Sh!tShow said...

Like I said... thats gotta be a Philly.

Awful Chief said...

I expect him to be a great qb--blunt rollers are natural leaders. Rolling a blunt is not something that most smokers even attempt, especially at that age. He probably entered high school rolling at a 12th grade level...fucking prodigy.

Is that a Ma$e shirt that guy is wearing?

Unsilent Majority said...

judging by the size i'm starting to think it's a swisher.

Danny G said...

Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it!

the dude said...

Dude his hands are HUGE!!!!!

Luthur said...

Posted at 4:20 AM. Well done, sir.

Chris said...

The biggest crime commented in that photo was that he thought those all white tennis shoes looked cool. Well at least they match his skin tone.

devang said...

"Shmokin weed shmokin weed, drinkin beers doin coke...."

Otto Man said...

You think Baby Simms calls out "puff, puff, give" instead of "hut, hut, hike" at the line?

Mini Me said...

Damn that kid has game...can he roll me one?

bdh said...

downtown brown huh? last i checked, the weed i smoked was GREEN... either that is tobacco or he dosent have the $$ to step up for some decent buds... SIMMS, CALL ME I CAN HOOK YOU UP!!!

WeJamEcono said...

I agree with BDH. spring for something better than the imported crap.

Unsilent Majority said...

i think it's green you it's just not all that clear with the brown blunt paper as a backdrop.

Run Up The Score! said...

ALL CAPS, MF'ers.

ChronSolo said...

I had a table five feet away from the Simms clan at this party (Mark Wahlberg's Super Bowl Bash on Friday) and that doob smelled like Chris's flaming vag when they sparked it up.

Rupert Entwistle said...

That's some nice Charles ROgers brick weed.

http://ghostsofwaynefontes.blogspot.com/

stobor said...

Nate Newton thinks Simms is a pussy

Noyam said...

plus they've got as many titles as all three Mannings

Don't they have twice as many?

Walklett said...

His face looks sooo punchable.

Unsilent Majority said...

noyam- only if you count the Hostetler game.

Mike said...

Nice to see KSK upping the THC content so dramatically this past week.

A few more posts like this and we'll be doing the Red-Eyed Wander at work. Well done.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

UM: plus they've got as many titles as all three Mannings

noyam: Don't they have twice as many?

UM: only if you count the Hostetler game.

touche salesman

the butler said...

I almost feel like crediting 'lil Matty with some cool points, but I can just imagine his gay ass saying "hey, I'm the fucking QB, I get the first shotgun" every time he rolls a blunt.