Thursday, February 8, 2007

You're Not Like Norv. You're Fatter.


Jones: Ooooh, look at you! You're the fattest thing I've ever seen! You'd be way more fun to push around than Turner!

Wade: Stop poking me.

Jones: C'mon, tubby! Dance like a fat man!

Wade: Maybe this was a bad idea.

Jones: Get on your knees! I'm gonna ride around on you like a big fat pony!

Wade: Oh, all right.

Jones: Now say, "I love bacon!"

Wade: I love bacon.

Jones: No! Say it like a fatty! You fatty fat fat fat!

Wade: I love bacon!

Jones: Who's a fatty boombalatty? Is it you?

Wade: I guess.

Jones: Tee hee hee! You're so fat! Now smush your titties together and lick 'em!

Wade: Shit. I could've stayed in La Jolla.

Jones: I will never get tired of this!

29 comments:

Dat RoRo Kid said...

Now THAT'S dialogue!

lieutenant winslow said...

He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?

Bulger in My Pants said...

Well, I guess I won't be sleeping tonight.

peter king crowned my ass said...

SQUEAL LIKE A PIG, BOY!

KillBillWirtz said...

Couldn't Jerry have done this with the previous coach?

Unsilent Majority said...

Well I guess we know why Parcells quit

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

if he gets up to 300 lbs., maybe he can get on disability benefit -- like in that Simpsons episdoe -- and coach from home.

Shoopmonster said...

Good lord Drew. All I can say is that I'm disappointed there was no shower in lard involved.

Chris said...

Who has bigger tits, Parcels or Phillips?

Fornelli said...

Who has bigger tits, Parcels or Phillips?

Parcells, but Phillips are nicer.

Jutter said...

What the fuck is up with his eyes?
Thats some weird shit.

Big Jim Slade said...

if he gets up to 300 lbs., maybe he can get on disability benefit

I wish I had my coaching broom!

Jackin'4Beats said...

You're Not Like Norv. You're Fatter

After reading that, it had to be a Drew post.

"Get on your knees! I'm gonna ride around on you like a big fat pony!"

Why can I hear that line in my head as if Walker and Texas Ranger said it? Does that make me a redneck?

I never noticed that about his eyes. Sheesh. Maybe he is from the back woods somewhere.

Lord help us this year.

Walklett said...

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry...
[turns and addresses rest of platoon]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored his platoon. I have tried to help him. But I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not helped me. YOU people, have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it ladies, you owe me for ONE JELLY DOUGHNUT! NOW, GET DOWN ON YOUR FACES!

Unsilent Majority said...

Of course he's from the back woods...he's a Texan. Not to mention his father is Bum.

BigRicks said...

Was that picture of Wade take after he was chillin' with Ron Mexico before he went to the grocery store?

MCPO Airdale said...

As an Eagles fan, I applaud Jones' decision to hire another "winner" to coach the Cryboys.

Signal to Noise said...

I'm surprised you didn't have Jerry demand Wade get greased up so Jerry could chase him around Texas Stadium.

What are the odds that Jerry asked if he could motorboat?

Jackin'4Beats said...

I remember Bum from back in the day coaching the Houston Oilers and New Orleans Saints with that big ass Cowboy hat on.

Hooston Oil-ers, Hooston Oil-ers, Hooston Oilers #1... LOL

I used to think Bum Phillips and Tex Schramm were the same person, but that's probably because all Texans look alike.

RatKing said...

Did Wade get Botox and breast augmentation? Or is that photo airbrushed?

My Insignificant Life said...

My only question (so far), is who photo-shopped out the number he should be holding under his chin?

becky said...

But I LIKE the stairs!

grungedave said...

When did Bum's kid have a stroke...? His left eye is like 3 inches lower than his right eye!

Even Stuart Scott is scared by it!

J.L. White said...

That look on Wade's face is one of a man weary from a life of getting up every day without the use and convienence of a Rascal scooter.

save the steagles said...

I don't know why no one seems to bring this up, but fat coaches are in quite a slump when it comes to winning Super Bowls. Maybe if we could change the tradition gatoraide bath to some sort of gravy, Andy Reid would have the proper motivation to finally bring Philly a championship.

washeed neutwon said...

Why is his chin off center?

Craig said...

+1 Becky. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

cheswick said...

steagles, i can't decide if that mental image is hilarious or gross. At any rate, good one!

WV:ssqhz (just like JJ is doing to Wade's titties!)

SkippyMom said...

I am pretty damn sure I just found my husband's Valentine's Day present.

It is YOUR blog. Or at least this particular post.

I have to stop reading. I am scaring the pets.

Thank you. Now come walk my damn dog. ;D