Thursday, February 22, 2007

“Getting caught in the gears of a combine... that's the way I wanna go.”

Don’t count on KSK to provide much in the way of bona fide draft analysis. Rather than discuss mid-round sleepers, we are far more likely to hold a mock draft of possible Dreamboat-Moynahan baby names (for the record, I call dibs on "Robespierre") . But the well-hung devils at Football Outsiders report that linebacker Zak DeOssie is the first Brown University player to be invited to the NFL combine. F.O. compares Zak to the Cowboys’ Bobby Carpenter which, of course, is code for saying “he’s white as the driven snow,” and posits that the Jets may call his name on draft day.

Chris Berman will likely spend a substantial portion of draft day slurping this kid and asking the well-coiffed Mel Kiper, Jr. questions like, “So this DeOssie fella, would you say he’s the next Butkus or is he the next Singletary?” If you needed a reason to skip ESPN’s draft coverage, besides the fact it is about as entertaining as watching paint dry, you now have one. Berman is notorious for tipping draft picks seconds before they are formally announced, but would he go so far as to try to influence the pick?


Goodell (approaching podium): “With the first pick of the 2007 NFL Draft the Oakland Raiders select Jamarc—“

Berman (interrupting): “The Nut Zak!!! Zak DeOssie, FROM…”

T.J. (enthusiastically chiming in from the peanut gallery): “BROWN UNIVERSITY!!!”


(And, yes, Al Davis is senile enough to let something like this happen.)

I’ve never rooted for a draftee to be a bust. [Editor’s note: this is a dirty, dirty lie.] But I dread the prospect of Berman calling this guy’s number during the highlights for years to come. I don't want to see a major head injury turn DeOssie into a drooling moron (see: Hoge, Merrill), but something like a bum knee wouldn't be so bad. Plus, dude went to Brown-- if football doesn’t work out for him, he’ll be all right.

From left to right: Zak, Zach and Zakk



30 comments:

HofC said...

Horatio Brady?

devang said...

Wait, but we don't know if it's a boy or a girl, do we? I'm assuming Brady's sperm is strong and smart enough not to create a girl. Although if it was a girl, imagine what she would look like 18 years from now?

Giselle Brady?
Bridget Brady?
Tara Brady?
(Insert Hollywood tramp here) Brady

Boys names

Deion Brady?
Reche Brady?
Bill Brady?
Rex Brady? (the next cumslinger which would destroy all the cumslinginess of the current cumslinger)

lieutenant winslow said...

I call dibs on Robespierre

Flubby's gotta put all that useless French Revolution knowledge to use somehow

Otto Man said...

Charles Weis Brady.

I rape red sox fans said...

James Tiberius Brady.

The Last Unitard said...

Fetus-Head Brady

Unsilent Majority said...

STOP IT! We still have to have the draft.

Chris said...

Damn, well I call dibs on Seven Finneus Brady would be a great name

J.L. White said...

Perhaps he should go with Peyton Antonio Brady, a combination that's sure to make Peter King immediately spurt in his pants.

Larry Bird Flu said...

Fuck me! Did Zakk eat Ozzy or something? Last I saw him was in the video for Crazy Babies which was on VH1 Classic a few days ago. What happened?

Larry Bird Flu said...

Oh, and Pacman Brady.

Leonard Peltier said...

I'm thinkin you gotta go with Marsha if it's a girl. It's only proper for the guy that every other guy wants to be to name his daughter after the sibling that all the other sisters envied.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Daniel Patrick Moynahan Brady

Undead Zombie Horde said...

Drew Henson Brady

I rape red sox fans said...

Special Agent Colin Farrell Brady

the chief said...

I'm waiting for the baby to name itself.

the chief said...

sorry. fucked up the link. here it is

Weed Against Speed said...

If Berman read this he would say "why would I go and do that? That is such a stupid question; what are you, stupid? That is so stupid."

PghDago said...

The firstborn will obviously be named Greg Brady or Marcia Brady.

Signal to Noise said...

Girl: Montana Brady
Boy: William Lloyd Brady

BeaverFever said...

i love how this went from goofing on berman and brown u. to naming brady's baby. btw, i vote for slim shady brady if it's a boy.

Steven said...

Funny that the Jets would take him. They already have Nick Hartigan out of Brown, who led the nation in rushing in 2005.

My Insignificant Life said...

Marcia Brady
Jan Brady
Cindy Brady
Greg Brady
Peter Brady
Bobby Brady

Jackin'4Beats said...

Boy: Seamus O'Toole Brady
Girl: Siobhan O'Halloran Brady

wv: kpaevmfo

Something Shannon Sharpe would say on Halloween dressed as Sho 'Nuff from The Last Dragon.

TheBigO said...

If it's a girl I think Shequita Brady would be good, if it's a boy Keytrondre.

whykiki said...

Octavian Brady. Properly regal for the future king of all the New Englands. Plus, you snarklers, here, can call him Octo, which will offer as good of a reason as any to quote Kool Keith lyrics ALL THE DAMN DAY.

... Ain't nuttin' wrong wit' dat.

Colonel Corn said...

Boy: Keanu Brady
Girl: JonBenet Brady

swing4 said...

Luscious Brady.

BeaverFever said...

Steven said...

Funny that the Jets would take him. They already have Nick Hartigan out of Brown, who led the nation in rushing in 2005.

Hartigan was cut by the Jets about 2 weeks into training camp last season.

Brown has two players on current NFL rosters: Sean Morey, Pittsburgh and Chas Gessner, Tampa Bay

World Of Warcraft Gold(WOW Gold) said...

buy wow gold
cheap wow gold
world of warcraft gold