Friday, February 2, 2007

Bring Out Your Brett


COACH MCCARTHY: Here's one. What’s his cap number for 2007, eh?

GM THOMPSON: Ninepence.

DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!

GM THOMPSON: What?

COACH MCCARTHY: Nothing. Let’s cut him while we’re all here.

DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead yet!

GM THOMPSON: There. He says he's not dead!

COACH MCCARTHY: Yes, he is.

DEAD PERSON: I'm not!

GM THOMPSON: He isn't?

COACH MCCARTHY: Well, he will be soon. He's very old.

DEAD PERSON: I threw for 3885 yards last year!

COACH MCCARTHY: No, you didn’t. You'll be stone dead in a moment.

GM THOMPSON: Oh, I can't take him like that. There’d be an uproar. And it's against regulations.

DEAD PERSON: I don't want leave my pedestal of pristine glory!

COACH MCCARTHY: Oh, don't be such a baby.

GM THOMPSON: I can't take him.

DEAD PERSON: I feel fine! Pass the vicodin, please!

COACH MCCARTHY: Well, do us a favor.

GM THOMPSON: I can't.

COACH MCCARTHY: Well, can you hang around a couple of weeks? Won't be long.

GM THOMPSON: No, I've got to go the Robinsosns’.

COACH MCCARTHY: Well, when's your next round?

GM THOMPSON: Preseason.

DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.

COACH MCCARTHY: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look, isn't there something you can do?

DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. So happy. [he gets hit in the head]

COACH MCCARTHY: Ah, thanks very much.

GM THOMPSON: Not at all. See you in preseason.

COACH MCCARTHY: Right.

Original scene written by Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin

9 comments:

the butler said...

Peyton Manning "rescues" the Sex Cannon from the Castle Anthrax

Peyton: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.

Cumslinger: I don't think I was.

Peyton: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.

Cumslinger: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

Peyton: No, it's too perilous.

Cumslinger: Look, it's my duty as a Sex Cannon to sample as much peril as I can.

Peyton: No, we've got to continue our quest for a Super Bowl Ring. Come on.

Cumslinger: Oh, let me have just a bit of peril?

Peyton: No, it's unhealthy.

Cumslinger: I bet you're gay.

Peyton: Am not.

Ed in Westchester said...

What sad times are these when passing ruffians say "nii" to old quarterbacks.

My Insignificant Life said...

John Madden will be happy now that he can still talk Brett Farve all year along and how this will be his last year and if he starts crying during an interview after his last game, he will retire....shoot, he already did that....well, they can groom his replacement for when he retires after next year…..shoot, tried that too and he got hurt in the only game he played in……well, 8-8 is pretty good……but not good enough……Go Bears!!!!

josh said...

when was the last time someone actually died on a football field since The Last Boy Scout, anyway? 2007 could be the year!

The Angry Rant said...

Brett Farve's staying?

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not BICKER, or ARGUE, over who screwed over who...

mikeski said...

A Favre once bit my sister.

Luis Villa said...

REG: He's bled us white, the bastards. He's taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers' fathers.
LORETTA: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
REG: Yeah.
LORETTA: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
REG: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what has he ever given us in return?!
XERXES: 57,500 passing yards?
REG: What?
XERXES: 57,500 passing yards?
REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. He did give us that. Uh, that's true. Yeah.
COMMANDO #3: And 414 touchdown passes.
LORETTA: Oh, yeah, 414 touchdown passes, Reg. Remember what the offense used to be like?
REG: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the passing yards and the touchdowns are two things that Favre has done.
MATTHIAS: And the Super Bowls.
REG: Well, yeah. Obviously the Super Bowls. I mean, the Super Bowls go without saying, don't they? But apart from the Super Bowls, the touchdowns, and the yardage--
COMMANDO: Completions.
XERXES: Pass attempts.
COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh...
COMMANDO #2: Consecutive games started.
COMMANDOS: Ohh...
REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.
COMMANDO #1: And the career wins.
COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah...
FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Reg, if Favre left. Huh.
COMMANDO: Pass attempts.
LORETTA: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
FRANCIS: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this.
COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
REG: All right, but apart from the yards, touchdowns, Super Bowls, wins, pass attempts, and public order, what has Favre ever done for us?
XERXES: Brought peace.
REG: Oh. Peace? Shut up!

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Any entry that spawns Monty Python quotes is great in my book.

devang said...

fucking brilliant is all I can say. I bow down to no one but god. MMP you are the exception.