Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Russell Dalrymple Loves Tiki Barber; Pasta Primavera

Never stare at the underage cleavage of the NBC


The news we've all been waiting for has finally arrived, Tiki Barber is set to add some REAL color to NBC's Peacock. As expected the gregarious ex-Giant will be filling some sort of role with the network's Sunday Night Football package. It's still unsure as to whether Tiki will join the broadcast booth, or if they'll just stick his bronzed visage on the studio set to offset the pre-existing ugly.

If I were NBC I'd put him in the studio (then I'd take over GE in a bloody coup). In fact, I bet he could do the job every other guy they pay to mug for the camera. He's a smarmy pretty boy like Costas, people in football will open up to him like PK, he knows stuff about football like Collinsworth, and he's black like Bettis and Sharpe (keep in mind this is NBC talking not me; I don't think white people should be allowed on television at all).

Besides his jock-obligation to the football broadcast Tiki's going to fill an as of yet unspecified roll with the Today show. I've never seen the program but I'm told it involves semi-literate people from Billings/Duluth/Texarkana holding signs wishing happy birthday to somebody that wishes they died ten years ago.

This is either Tiki and Ginny or Ronde and Claudia. Only they know the truth.


I can't help but guess that this part of the career move was inspired by Tiki's lovely wife Ginny (my great aunt will be thrilled to know they're still using that name). Behind every great man is a woman who knows where the money's at, and it's not limited to Tiki. In fact behind a lot of great black men are smart and sexy Asian women (just ask Russell Simmons and Sugar Shane Mosley). As if I needed any further reason this just about settles it...as soon as I'm a successful proud black man I'm gettin' me a sexy Asian wife (I'm lookin' at you, Redskinette Lisa).

There should be a press conference at some point today, but you don't care.

17 comments:

The Last Unitard said...

I bet Tiki and Ronde share everything.

Awful Chief said...

Don't forget about Dave Chapelle.

Hail Leroy said...

In case you cared, that underage cleavage is Denise Richards

Unsilent Majority said...

chief, dave's another good one. also earl woods.

whitefolks said...

Hines Ward has to count in his own special way?

Unsilent Majority said...

whitefolks- no, try again.

Big Jim Slade said...

Russell: "But why are we watching Tiki Barber?"

George: "Because he's on tv!"

R: "Not yet"

Mike said...

You're nuts to choose Redskinette Lisa, when that Dolphins chick that CC posted a pic of last week is on the market.

Anyhow UM, glad to see you're following Sammy Davis, Rod Carew, Elliot Maddux and the small but proud list of Black MOTs. And as any 21st Century boychik can tell you, you ain't worth your titsis if you're not shacking up with an Eastern lady.

It's just the way it is these days.

becky said...

Dear Tiki,

I'll bring the pea, you bring the...
wait...
nevermind.

Mickey Free said...

get a good look Costanza??

ColeTrain said...

Awesome. It is so hard for black guys to get Asian women typically (in the US anyway)... it just shows these guys are at the top of their game.

Rob I said...

I heard Tiki was going to replace D.L. Hughley on Studio 60

or something

Chamomiles Davis said...

How do these couples get past that... you know, "too beaucoup" situation?

highonLowe said...

chamy davis - the vagina of an asian woman can handle anything, anything. Haven't you seen that one website with the brothers who own a bus?

Ryan said...

Yeah, it is so hard for black men to get asian women. I think only white guys have a more difficult time. Boo hoo.

Ryan said...

But in all seriousness, I'm glad some of the women from my people can lead some young black men to such greatness.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Yellow Fever...CATCH IT!!!

You think David Stern would consider using that catch phrase?