Thursday, February 1, 2007

The AFC Title Game Chat - First Half

We present the first of two halves of the KSK chat during the AFC title game, played almost two weeks ago. For the sake of narration, descriptions of the plays transpiring on the field, while not necessarily funny, have been left intact. You'll also find the capitalization, punctuation, and spelling to be selectively correct. This is intentional. Off we go...



CC: and I'm on CBS now
CC: and Tom Brady looks GREAT

Ape: I'll be dropping in periodically during the second game, but otherwise on the couch drinking
CC: I've got my laptop at the ready, but it won't quite be the IM bukkake of the first game
MMP: pussies, I just got some popcorn and am rearing to go
Flub: I'll be around
CC: Okay, i'll play along.
MMP: Though it will be harder to type

[Pregame bullshit from the booth, your announcers are Jim Nantz and Phil Simms]
CC: Okay, here we go with the mouthlove
MMP: Jim Nantz is awesome, he can suck Manning AND Brady off and still talk out of his mouth at the same time
Flub: I'm all a-tingle with anticipation... how will Manning blow it this time?

[your sideline reporters are Steve Tasker and Solomon Wilcots]
CC: Whoa whoa whoa
MMP: What's more useless than 1 sideline reporter?
CC: Two sideline reporters, and they're both men?
MMP: Yuk, Where have you gone, Bonnie Bernstein?
CC: Bull. Shit.
Flub: "For the Colts change is good, but not these Colts"
Flub: Thanks, Phil
CC: Wha?

[The game actually starts]
CC: My god Dillon is slow
MMP: He's old, man. He's like 31 [ed: he’s 32]

CC: Dreamboat with the jump pass
MMP: Dreamboat incompltete
Flub: Way to show off the 3" vertical
CC: nice postseason numbers for Peyton
CC: [1 td, 5 ints]

[Addai drops what would have been a sure first down]
MMP: "he's about to Addai for dropping that."
CC: too long on the pass? looked like it hit his hands to me
MMP: Word
MMP: I like how he’s trying to find something to beat the shit out of
Flub: Quit apologizing for Peyton



MMP: I actually turned down the invite to that party
CC: i don't blame you
CC: the women would have been all over you.
Flub: "and waave"
MMP: yeah, the nubian princesses want to eat out my asshole in the worst way.
CC: i shouldn't include that in the post, should i?
MMP: probably not.



MMP: touchdown right here
CC: vrabel
CC: nope
CC: holy... [Mankins recovers the fumble in the endzone, touchdown Patriots]
MMP: who called that shit
Flub: are you shitting me?
Flub: peyton
MMP: pay up flub, you owe me 10 bucks
Flub: hah
CC: LOLOLOLOLOL
CC: nice work colts
MMP: tony dungy can't believe it
CC: mankins 4-yd TD run


MMP: HAHAHA
MMP: Peyton's reaction: priceless
Flub: he's so pissed



CC: dinner time
CC: Ellis Hobbs -- I thought he was the sorriest corner in the league?
MMP: what's for dinner in Brooklyn?
CC: Shells n cheese
MMP: a classic
CC: but ORGANIC shells n cheese, which means its heakthy
MMP: ugh
CC: tastes exactly the same
CC: but the yuppie deli didn't have the corporate stuff
MMP: eating chili cheese fries
CC: mmmmmmmmmm
Flub: I love me some chili cheese fries
MMP: they are tits
MMP: big fat wedges too
CC: nice, minimizes the need for forks
MMP: no this version needs forks
Ape: i had some chili cheese fries on friday - ends the week well



MMP: wow
CC: destiny
MMP: when they send the house, that's an easy play
CC: [Colts blitz, Troy Brown makes the catch on 4th and 6]
MMP: and fuck me raw
CC: Touchdown
MMP: Dillon off tackle, very next play
Ape: le sigh
CC: juked the fuck out of him
MMP: wow, he surely did
CC: 14-3 Pats

Ape: I predict a manning pick on this drive
MMP: field goal
MMP: LOTS of fumbles today
CC: ugh, so many shells...
CC: I can't believe I ate the whole thing

CC: PICK
MMP: samuel
Flub: good call
MMP: I owe ape 10 bucks
MMP: great call Ape
CC: the first of two
Ape: game over. fuck me
MMP: that was crazy how quick he was
MMP: 21-3
CC: this can only end in tears
CC: Asante will be a wealthy man next year
MMP: oh yes

Ape: 3 and out on the Colts next drive?
MMP: yep

--Peyton slides feet-first for a loss on 1st down
Flub: wuss
CC: he had time to stop and throw
Flub: yeah but he would have had to take the hit
MMP: hehe
CC: but if he slides he doesn't get hit

--Peyton takes a hit on 2nd down
MMP: there's a real sack
Ape: this is going to be very, very lop-sided
MMP: 3rd and a country mile coming up

Flub: strike
MMP: hahah
CC: haha
MMP: delay of game
CC: what an abortion
MMP: he has lost all compsoure
CC: Manning Face!

MMP: this is turning into an awesome choke job

[Harrison drops what would have been a sure first down.]
CC: wow
Ape: harrison's fault for once
CC: yep
MMP: DON'T THROW IT TO HIS HANDS!
CC: great throw by Peyton, to his credit
Ape: ggggguuuuuuhhhhh

[the Colts punt and NE takes over]
MMP: this will be at least 3 for NE
CC: tony dungy's favorite name for a blog is "can't stop the bleeding"
MMP: I can't believe it's this bad this early
Ape: Daaaa Bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls daaaaa bears da bears da bears da bears
MMP: go for the jugular
CC: yup
CC: or...
[Maroney loss of four, Sanders on the stop]


MMP: "There's a black man named Bob Sanders?"
Ape: Hey, Kraft is picking his rich nose
CC: he's wasted
MMP: that nose is worth more than your life, Ape
Ape: those boogers are worth more than my life

[3rd and 8, the Colts fans can be heard cheering, NE converts anyway]
MMP: the fans are finally awake
Ape: no, really, no need for a pass rush, take your time
CC: what was that, a 3rd and 8 conversion?
MMP: it looks easy when Brady does it
Flub: Brady is just picking them apart
MMP: it would be a 44 yd FG from here
Ape: geez
[Holding called on NE]
MMP: bring em back
Ape: meh, whateva - i'll take it
MMP: The Colts have gotta get a stop now

CC: yeah, good call there
MMP: wow
[An illegal shift penalty on NE takes the Patriots out of FG range]
MMP: beating an overhand on NE
Ape: If the Colts can go into half down 21-10, they'll at least have a prayer. Plus, they get the ball at beginning of second half
CC: man, should have spent an extra three dollars on WRs
MMP: instead of getting the grab bag special
Ape: watch them convert
[Brady takes a sack in a least many fashion]
Ape: break the femur
MMP: watch him turtle
CC: coward
MMP: Mommmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
MMP: puss
CC: [sack on 3rd and 21]
Ape: Roethlisberger never goes down without making sure he gets a concussion first


[Vinny Testeverde commercial]
MMP: vinny
CC: So THAT'S why Belichick signed him
MMP: that was pretty good
Ape: To get food from concessions
CC: brilliant


CC: [manning under pressure throws it away on first]
CC: this is unreal
CC: how do they win 12-14 games every year?
MMP: they don't play against THE MIGHTY SWEATSHIRT
MMP: "thank God, a first down." Did they really just say that?
MMP: 2 minute warning
Ape: I think the NFL has mandated the Colts will score on this drive, so all of America doesn't turn their TVs off
CC: think the Colts can turn it over on this drive again?
MMP: never count out Peyton for another turnover
CC: I'm cheering for another pick-6
Ape: not til second half
CC: that way I can turn off the TV and go to the gym.
MMP: I'm cheering for carnage
CC: i'm cheering for titties
MMP: we are 0 for 1 on the titties tonight
MMP: we could use a titty rally
Ape: Neal Patrick Harris’ titties don't count

MMP: Clark tripped over the first down line
CC: fucking dallas clark
MMP: Dallas fucking clark
Ape: told so, NFL decree
[clark 1st down catch, the Colts drive down to the red zone as time ticks away]

Ape: pick six from the endzone?
CC: Ape, you have the sight today
MMP: where the fuck was this guy the first 27 minutes of the game?
MMP: I predict the Colts score a TD here
CC: My predictor's broken
CC: but i'll say FG to be different



Ape: wow
CC: guhhhh
CC: there should be booth replay on PI
MMP: too subjective
CC: at the refs discretion
CC: YES!
MMP: just let them fuck up the call once and be done with it
MMP: I think that was correct
Flub: that
CC: just high-grade tripping
Flub: thats not PI
CC: GO FOR IT
CC: bwahahahaha
MMP: The FG makes it a 2-score game
CC: nice one reggie
MMP: yeah, pretty dumbassed

[Vinatieri kicks FG, half]
MMP: good adjustment on the hold
CC: why does vinatieri have a long-sleeved undershirt on??
CC: that dome weather can get cold
Ape: LACES WERE IN!
CC: note to Romo
MMP: that's not Snowflake!
Ape: oh well - the Ravens just look more pathetic for never getting into the endzone against this team



CC: "We've got to play better"
MMP: "Because we are getting skull-fucked out there"

7 comments:

Jackin'4Beats said...

Post Part II. Do it Now! Dooo EEiittt Nooowwwww!!!

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

i had a similar thought about bob sanders. um, racially-insensitive minds think alike?

McFad said...

Real name De-mon or something. I'll go by something less gay and more white how about Bob. I would have picked Colonel.

Rob I said...

Skeets, you're welcome!

Monday Morning Punter said...

ZL-S, I didn't say it, but I thought it was hilarious. I had to put it in.

The Last Unitard said...

How about Power Sanders.

That's a name.

devang said...

Part II, PLEEEEEAAASEEEE!!!. Geez, it sounds worse than CC begging the Spain Train for SB tix.

Threadjack. Anyone post 'comments' for any columists on the WWL yet? How fast can the site be brought down?