Oh man, you should see this fucking place. Holy shit! There's oceans of pussy just spilling out of the hotels. Everyone's getting loaded. Castro's gonna fucking die, whoever that is. I mean, this is the biggest party I've ever been around.
And you're telling me I have to go to bed at 10PM tomorrow night? Fuck, we have to play a game on Sunday? God, that's bullshit.
Why couldn't it be, like, Monday and shit? I'd be recovered by then. Fuck, I don't even PLAY, man! No coach ever comes up to me and says, "Hey Orton, you better be ready. We need you." No, they just make me the scout team Peyton Manning and have me flap my arms at the line of scrimmage like a fucking seagull for two minutes straight. Christ, it's like doing calisthenics. My shoulders hurt, man.
Oh my God, the hottest brunette in the world just walked by. Holy fuck, if I were building a woman from scratch, that's what it would look like. Especially the tits. Christ, no one at Purdue looked like that. Shit, all the girls at Purdue looked like me. I gotta go rub one out. Fuck me, man. See what I'm missing? They set up all these parties with chicks like that and we can't even go. What a fucking cocktease.
Oh dude, that guy has a Bud bottle in a zipper cozy. That looks soooooooo fucking good. You know in soda commercials when the lady takes a sip of Coke and then goes AHHHHHHH!!!? I totally do that after every swig of beer. Oh, it's so good. Dude, if there were no game on Sunday, you know what I'd do? I'd get 60 of those things and just rent a fucking catamaran. God, that would be sweet. Catamarans are huge pussy magnets. Plus, when the wind kicks up you get to lean over the side and shit. Awesome.
So unfair. We bust ass for 6 goddamn months to get here, and once we do, we have to fucking WORK. This game may as well be in fucking Moosejaw. In fact, I'd prefer it. At least I could concentrate.
Fuck, man. This blows.