Friday, February 2, 2007

F--k, We Have To Play A Game Sunday?!


Oh man, you should see this fucking place. Holy shit! There's oceans of pussy just spilling out of the hotels. Everyone's getting loaded. Castro's gonna fucking die, whoever that is. I mean, this is the biggest party I've ever been around.

And you're telling me I have to go to bed at 10PM tomorrow night? Fuck, we have to play a game on Sunday? God, that's bullshit.

Why couldn't it be, like, Monday and shit? I'd be recovered by then. Fuck, I don't even PLAY, man! No coach ever comes up to me and says, "Hey Orton, you better be ready. We need you." No, they just make me the scout team Peyton Manning and have me flap my arms at the line of scrimmage like a fucking seagull for two minutes straight. Christ, it's like doing calisthenics. My shoulders hurt, man.

Oh my God, the hottest brunette in the world just walked by. Holy fuck, if I were building a woman from scratch, that's what it would look like. Especially the tits. Christ, no one at Purdue looked like that. Shit, all the girls at Purdue looked like me. I gotta go rub one out. Fuck me, man. See what I'm missing? They set up all these parties with chicks like that and we can't even go. What a fucking cocktease.

Oh dude, that guy has a Bud bottle in a zipper cozy. That looks soooooooo fucking good. You know in soda commercials when the lady takes a sip of Coke and then goes AHHHHHHH!!!? I totally do that after every swig of beer. Oh, it's so good. Dude, if there were no game on Sunday, you know what I'd do? I'd get 60 of those things and just rent a fucking catamaran. God, that would be sweet. Catamarans are huge pussy magnets. Plus, when the wind kicks up you get to lean over the side and shit. Awesome.

So unfair. We bust ass for 6 goddamn months to get here, and once we do, we have to fucking WORK. This game may as well be in fucking Moosejaw. In fact, I'd prefer it. At least I could concentrate.

Fuck, man. This blows.

49 comments:

Clint said...

FIRST.

Orton is almost as good as the cumslinger.

Nope said...

As a Purdue grad, I'm offended that Orton thinks the girls at Purdue looked like him. They are much worse.

peter king crowned my ass said...

Mr. Orton, Max McGee would like a word with you.

Unsilent Majority said...

FIRST.

STFU!

Clint said...

Hey unsilent, why don't you write something interesting for once? Asshat.

Quit dragging down the talent of the group you runt. Yeah I'm dead serious. Your material smells like stale crotch.

Unsilent Majority said...

your name is clint, you should probably murder your parents.

peter king crowned my ass said...

Clint, I just looked at your blog. It reads like instructions to a Care Bears VCR.

Please stop talking.

Awful Chief said...

mark ass marks. trick ass marks. punk bitches, skipskop skanks and skallywags. ho's, heffers, hee-haws and hoolihoos. hate hate hate!

Grimey said...

Am I first? FUCK.

Chris said...

It's hard to cover up a boner in those football pants.

devang said...

mark ass marks. trick ass marks. punk bitches, skipskop skanks and skallywags. ho's, heffers, hee-haws and hoolihoos. hate hate hate!

Awful Chief, is that from The Chappelle show?

MDG said...

Your material smells like stale crotch.

Smell a lot of stale crotch in your day do ya clint.

Chris said...

It's hard to hide a boner in those football pants.

Chris said...

Double post, strange things are afoot at the circle k.

the dude said...

Looks like Orton rubs it out during practice too.

bleedjetgreen said...

Thanks, BDD. Not only was that funny, but it will push MMP's last post down the page. That Challenger shit was just WRONG (mostly because it made me laugh and confirmed that I am definitely going to hell).

save the steagles said...

KSK has some serious beef with the State of Indiana and its residents. I love it.

Awful Chief said...

sure is, devang. player haters ball

Chris said...

Could we annex the state of Indiana to Canada?

Clint said...

Unsilent- what I am named still doesn't change the fact you lack in good material here. Just sayin'.

twoeightnine said...

First!


sorry, i'm three days behind on the internet now.

Jackin'4Beats said...

mark ass marks. trick ass marks. punk bitches, skipskop skanks and skallywags. ho's, heffers, hee-haws and hoolihoos. hate hate hate!

I laughed out loud when I read that - nearly forgot all about the players ball on the Chappelle show.

BDD - for channeling Orton on the Friday before the big game, +1.

"Asshat" nearly as good as "fucktard", just odder.

becky said...

"Kyle Orton's Catamaran":
Either the best fantasy football team name ever, or the worst strip club name ever.

Clint said...

It's funny to see all the posers come to the defense of the Unsilent one.....what next are you guys going to join in on their little chats? KSK Elephant walk w/ fans? Circle jerk at the pittsburgh game to open the season next year?

Clint said...

Favorite Music
Talib Mos Def Hi Tek Kanye Pharrell DJ Danger Mouse Easterns Motors jingle


(sighs) I see what we're dealing with here....but I can't say it because I don't want to be part of an internet hate crime.

Unsilent Majority said...

The day I care abut the opinions of people named Clint who jump on to the comments to declare themselves "first" I'd probably jump off of the 14th Street bridge.

Maybe next time you should just skip over the posts you don't enjoy, or you could fuck a goat--either way.

Grimey said...

Becky: For best fantasy football team name ever, I'm sticking with "The Wreck of the Larry Fitzgerald."

And for worst strip club name ever: "Twat's The Big Idea?"

Jackin'4Beats said...

Unsilent vs. Clint: Tupac vs. Biggie Smalls...

or not...
probably not...

Oh well. Keep it going though.

Magic City...
mmmm...strippers...mmmm.

flubby said...

more steagles, less clint

becky said...

There is no need for Clint to pile on UM when his own KSK cohorts already do enough of that.
Also, UM is an expert gambler and knows that "a lot" is 2 separate words.
We need you, Unsilent...and you got stuff going on...wanna soda?

$klimp$ said...

Falco's work is really dragging this blog down. For shame, Falco.

save the steagles said...

Clint is currently posting from a city which hosts the Buckeyes, the Blue Jackets, and some kind of Professional soccer "Crew". He has no choice but to bring shame to KSK.

Unsilent Majority said...

his own KSK cohorts already do enough of that.

I'm the baby of the family, it happens.

Otto Man said...

Hey unsilent, why don't you write something interesting for once?

You mean, something like "FIRST"?

Grimey said...

These days, whenever I think of Ohio, I think of Gummo.

save the steagles said...

Grimey, that was the most disturbing thing I've seen in a long time. That was probably filmed in Oxford, some of those faces reminded me of the townies. I won't be able to step off campus for days.

J Money said...

Come on now... Purdue chicks aren't that bad. Or maybe I'm just saying that b/c I had to do them while I was there.

Hmm.

Clint said...

You win UM.

But still, my woman's hotter than yours.

rdg said...

14th st bridge?

unsilent - you the skins fan on this blog?

(I just found this place a week ago, still figuring it out)

MDG said...

Sheep go to heaven Goats go to hell

Unsilent Majority said...

rdg, yes i'm an unabashed skins fan. and i always use the 14th street bridge as a reference for death...but I might have stolen that from Howard Stern.

rdg said...

awesome. I've got a coworker who's a NY Douchebags fan and his #1 reason for hating the Redskins (other than LaVar) is that we always say "Next year we'll be in the Supebowl." Keep the faith, hah.

Should do a DC KSK beer grab some time.

Unsilent Majority said...

Yeah, Caveman just had to go to Miami on this of all weekends.

Mike said...

Clint decides to unload on one of the bloggers for a site that gets mentioned on ESPN.

Yeah, he's standing on some pretty firm ground, huh?

the goat said...

Maybe next time you should just skip over the posts you don't enjoy, or you could fuck a goat--either way.

UM, I take offense to that. mdg, you're right, I am goin to hell. And Orton will throw the winning TD pass on Sunday.

Clint said...

ESPN is a bunch of liberal cock-mongers. Obv. I like the blog or I wouldn't be here Mike. I'm sorry I got on your boyfriend's case, but if UM is going to act like the kingshit around here he should at least earn his keep. Because he rides the coat tails of a good group doesn't earn him first dibs on the pussy every time.

Mike said...

Clint - Your envy (and your bra strap) are showing. Straighten up girl, you look like shit.

Clint said...

mike, stop sucking KSK's cock and mind your own business, bitch tits.

Mike said...

Gee Clint, you're making friends left & right. How do you do it?