Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A VD Treat We Can Get Behind

Valentine's Day, in a word, is bullshit.

If you're a guy and you're with someone, there's an expectation that just never seems capable of being met. Any sort of conceivable gift seems to be either too inexpensive or not thoughtful enough. And if you don't give her jewelry or a cell phone, then you're just a fucking asshole.

The fact is that women don't really care what they get, they just want ammunition so that they don't get mowed down during the "What'd you get for VD" conversation with their friends, one of whom, statistically speaking, is (a) sure to be such a contrived cunt that she might as well be pacing in front of a giant American flag while wearing a helmet, and (b) always manages to find some guy stupid enough to spend time with her on V-Day. It's not even about the premise of love, it's about competing with the Cunty Pattons of the world. And if you're not with someone, well, this day just blows even more.

So imagine our joy when somebody actually gave US something for Valentine's Day. Oh yes. KSK self-professed lurker Spiderannn sent us this YouTube masterpiece, featuring some of our favorite images from our KSK playoff posts, a healthy dose of wit bordering on smarmy, and a couple digs at Ufford, which is always fun. Yeah, I guess I'm calling him Ufford now. It's better than "The Uff," at least.

Enjoy the movie, while I attempt to track down this young(?) woman and persuade her to conceive my children. Or at least buy her a cell phone. This clip will be our only item for the day, so if you have any sort of VD to pass along, we'd love to hear from you in the comments.

53 comments:

Angelos said...

That's some dedication. Seems like she has some good rabbit-boiling potential.

FenwayFaithful78 said...

Genius.

But I'd frisk her for weapons or roofies.

Happy VD KSK

flubby said...

I wish I had a sexy internet stalker. All I get is crappy link grovels about Tracy Fucking McGrady. Weak.

grungedave said...

McGrady >> Artest

JT said...

I reckon she's worth AT LEAST a sidekick II. Slightly used. With missing holster.

Matt said...

perfect post.

I got the lady a card and a shitty GC because she's being a pain in the ass.. there's a small box in the glove box if she chooses to not be a !@%*) today but it looks like she's choosing poorly and i'm getting my few hundred bucks back.


This day is bullshit.

Monday Morning Punter said...

Matt, that's as brilliant as it is hilarious.

Chris said...

I bought my fiancée a house, and she ask for roses. I hate you Saint Valentine.

highonLowe said...

You know what else is bullshit? Some fucking flowers costing $74. Why can't we just hand you women $74 in cash??

Grimey said...

highonlowe: Because that would make her a whore.

VW: ttzttuf... That's like, four awesome things all together!

Dave said...

Always remember: Valentine's Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and heavy fornication.

So wish people a happy Horny Werewolf Day and see what happens.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

I've got some VD to pass along, but I don't think anyone wants it.

Dave said...

You know what's a good romantic movie to watch on Valentine's Day? Scarface. Nothing screams romance more than a giant pile of cocaine on your office desk. Whoever made Valentine's Day this big shop-till-you-drop extravaganza is probably snorting from such a pile right now...

Ruthless Gravity said...

I'm holding out for Steak and Blowjob Day

MDG said...

That's no lady thats a man... man.

Howie Feltersnatch said...

I'm giving her my dick in a box

http://www.jerkassclothing.com/shirtpage/dickinabox.html

save the steagles said...

highonlowe, I'd much rather recieve $74 dollars in cash than some flowers, but I'd like to think that makes me a practical, non-romantic as opposed to a whore.

becky said...

I'm having a problem...my day has just been ruined by reading this article, and I didn't even open any of the pictures. Just from the article, I'm having serious doubts about any goodness still existing in humanity at all...the only place I could think of to turn to for answers is you freaking depraved miscriants. Someone tell me this isn't that bad and I'm overreacting.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/horrors-of-porn/horrible-saga-swapavi.php

If this article isn't more like The Ring than that horse movie, I don't know what is.

Ugh. Someone needs to send me like a whole photo gallery of Alex Smith to get me functioning normally again.

The Last Unitard said...

My flowers cost $74, too. The funny thing is, I didn't know that's how much they cost until the guy was wringing it up. Isn't that just precious?!

Obviously, when I give the flowers to my significant financial burden, I can't mention how much they cost, so I really hope she just knows instinctively.

Fucking VD.

peter king crowned my ass said...

Alex Smith the QB or the TE?

Signal to Noise said...

I'm actually happy to be single on Valentine's Day this year, as I'm broke as fuck -- so it'll be nice to save some money this year.

steagles - we request you send DNA to the necessary military organizations to be cloned.

Monday Morning Punter said...

Suddenly, I want to give Steagles $74.

Grimey said...

Steagles: Let's be honest, though... if it were Valentine's Day, and your special someone handed you 74 dollars in cash, wouldn't the first thing you think be "What am I, a whore?"

Head Chick said...

No, she would think, "Woo hoo! I'm paying my cell phone bill with this loot. You are useful, man. You are useful."

I, however, am more demanding. I would like my cash + a bottle of nice wine (or Gentleman Jack), because that's just civilized.

Alecia said...

Who the hell are you people dating? I was just having a conversation today with a friend where I said, if I weren't single, I'd want the guy to do something thoughtful. It doesn't need to be expensive, nor does it have to be on February 14. Just THINK of me now and then. Pay attention to me. Please don't buy me a fucking cell phone. I have one already and I don't want you picking one out for me. Don't date a materialistic bitch and I think you'll find how different things will be.

However...because I'm sweet...next time your woman gives you crap about Valentine's Day let her know about MARCH 14. Follow the link:
www.steakandbjday.com

Happy Valentine's Day boys,
A

Signal to Noise said...

Alecia - I tend to ask myself "who the fuck am I dating?" more than half the time when not single, which is usually a good sign to get out.

SuperFrankieLampard said...

i'm sending in my resume for the chargers' job today. if i get the job, you guys get the first exclusive.

bibliogrrl said...

my dude and I were gonna go to the Auto Show, and then decided FUCK THAT. He's gonna go work on his shit, and I'm gonna go home and watch Heathers.

and then maybe some porn.

but at any rate, FUCK VD. I'd rather my dude spend money on himself, than on some flowers that will die, or something.

Get some Jamison, and an HD DVD, and we'll spend a random evening in at home. That's WAY BETTER than some overpiced, overhyped holiday any day of the week. Ick. And if I want something expensive, I'll buy it myself.

save the steagles said...

It may be that I am a poor college student with $5.73 in my checking account currently, but if he added that he just wanted me to get myself something I would like with it, I'd think he was the sweetest guy in the whole world.

My Insignificant Life said...

Being married for 14 years, VD is so special, NOT, like this morning was, you better move your car since the kids are going to school today and by the way, are you going to clean the snow again and why are you working at home today instead of going into the office? Of course I took the kids to school, got stuck in the snow and headed into the office. The last big snow on VD day, I got laid and a nice dinner and laid again, of course, I was single then. This VD dinner is well, on my own because the kid's got a basketball game tonight. And, I'm going to miss the return of Jericho tonight.....But at least the wife has zero expectations of any overpriced, underwhelming gifts today. Ah love......ain’t it grand………..

Big Ear Creations said...

Actually years ago I invented "Un-Valentines Day"...

"UnValentines Day comes but once a year... without warning... 30 days before or 30 days after February 14th"

Don't tell me when I'm supposed to love my wife! So in my opinion.. Valentines Day is for amateurs!

Yinka Double Dare said...

Why would you spend that much on flowers? My wife (this is the first valentine's since the wedding) said I should just get her some tulips from the grocery store near us. They're less than 10 bucks. I bought her a cashmere sweater because it's fucking cold here and we walk or take public transit everywhere. I bought one that matches both her winter coats. She loved it.

And as it's about 10 degress with a below zero wind chill, she's already wearing it. To hell with spending big bucks on this BS 'holiday' (and don't even start with Sweetest Day, my wife was duly informed of my refusal to acknowledge its existence in our first year of dating). I buy her the nice stuff for her birthday.

Yinka Double Dare said...

god, i need coffee, i bought her a scarf, it's much cheaper than a cashmere sweater.

WeJamEcono said...

steak and bj day is a fine day.

however, that was a touching tribute.

Bouj said...

Steagles,

If you got $74 from some stranger on the internet, that would definitely make you a practical non-romantic, since anonymous donation an the internet aren't very romantic, are they?

Colonel Corn said...

I can get a $10 handjob from a hobo down at the railyards any day of the week, but it's even more special on Valentine's Day.

Because they put a little more into it.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

Why Becky? Why?

Why would you do that to me? I was having a nice day. I'm snowed in. No work. Wife's cooking nice dinner soon....and then....that...

Grimey said...

It may be that I am a poor college student with $5.73 in my checking account currently, but if he added that he just wanted me to get myself something I would like with it, I'd think he was the sweetest guy in the whole world.

And you'd end up spending it on rent.

HugsFromHarold said...

I'm sick of the Valentine Industrial Complex. It is a sham perpetrated by a cabal made up of Florists, Restaunteurs, Jewelers, choclatiers, and the greeting card makers, to deprive rred-blooded american males of money that could better be spent on TV sound-systems, Bill Murray DVDs, Sports memoribilla and booze.

Jim U. said...

I'm getting the wife "The Departed". Yeah headshots!!

The Last Unitard said...

I figured it would be slow around here since the season's over.. but christ, one post a day? Lazy bastards.

stukehrig said...

Hey Dave,
Warren Ellis fan eh?
Good stuff

peter king crowned my ass said...

Unitard, I think the one post was just for today only.

J.L. White said...

A VD treat we can all get behind? How about the clap?

Cubs lose! Cubs lose! said...

Becky, my life is forever altered. I've spent all afternoon questioning the existence of a god. Wow.

cheswick said...

Steagles,
you must rock! Now take that $74 and run...

WV: kjnkheb (sounds like something most of us guys would like to do with Steagles!)

My Insignificant Life said...

$74 - take and run - That's good beer money!!!!!!

Or to be a nice guy, spend $5 and buy flowers from the guy who stands at the corner with roses in his bucket and then spend the rest on beer. Now that's livin' the right way!!

becky said...

"TV sound-systems, Bill Murray DVDs, Sports memoribilla and booze"

See, now THOSE sound like good presents!

Sorry about the link guys...it almost made me cry so it was like when someone throws a rock at you so then you go and kick a dog...or something.

And yes, all the smart guys were buying roses on the sidewalk when I left work.

This might be the 3rd similar post by me...many VD wishes upon New Blogger (and no, I don't mean Valentine's Day).

BigRicks said...

$125 on flowers, 100 bucks on lingerie, and now she's shopping at bloomingdale's whilw I sit on my ass in her apartment watching Seinfeld. Super Duper.

BigRicks said...

I had a dream last night that a hamburger ate ME

Unsilent Majority said...

I'd tell you about Bob Sacamano's VD but I sold the story to Peterman.

ilse said...

if it were Valentine's Day, and your special someone handed you 74 dollars in cash, wouldn't the first thing you think be "What am I, a whore?"

No, actually, it would be, "Why can't you just leave it on the dresser for me like you usually do, so I don't have to talk to you after?"

Mike said...

Best. Vid. Ever.

VD is only about selling five things: candy, cards, flowers, jewelry, and condoms.

Fuck that.