Hey, Uh, Coach?

Hey Coach, Media Day! You havin' fun? Yeah, I think we all are. Hey listen, Coach, can Jimmy have a word? Yeah, let's just go right over here for a second.

So listen, uh, we've been talking about this for a while now, Jimmy and the front office people. And, uh, well, Jimmy knows you're not gonna like it, which is why Jimmy came down here personally to tell you, Coach. It's about our boy Peyton, see. And Jimmy's not gonna mince words, so Jimmy will just come on out and say it and get it over with.

We want you to start Sorgi in the Super Bowl on Sunday.

Now, whoa, whoa, hold on there, Coach, let's not, uh, let's not kill the messenger-slash-owner here. Now, we all know that Peyton gives us no chance to win this game here. And so -- hey, come on Coach. This is Jimmy. This is Jimmy you're talking to here. We all know how valuable Peyton is to the organization. He's brought in a lot of revenue and publicity for the Colts, and Jimmy's grateful.

But, uh, we know that Peyton's been stashing some Cubans away during his stay here in Miami. Now, we don't mind the occasional cigar, but there's NO REASON that our quarterback should have three Cuban men hiding in his hotel room before the biggest game of his career. So, Peyton's got some new boyfriends. Jimmy's not threatened by Peyton's sexuality. Jimmy's happy for Peyton. But let's think about the rest of the team here, Coach. Give it some thought, eh? Jimmy would certainly make it worth your while. Thanks, Coach.

And Coach? Good luck on Sunday!