Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Post Where We Carefully Insinuate that Peter King Might Be Subtly Racist

We at Kissing Suzy Kolber are admittedly biased. We don't tolerate fools, douchebags, or fat chicks (although if she's a little thick in the britches...). And we certainly have little love for Peter King. As you can see here. Or here. Ummm... or here. And especially here.

So while you read this, keep in mind that it's coming from a decidedly anti-Peter King slant. Nevertheless, I think the case presented below precludes the need for us to call this otherwise nice, dorky middle-aged man ugly names. I've written this before, then deleted it from the Internet, and I'll write it again: we want no quarrel with Peter King. We just feel it is our duty to occasionally police media douchebaggery.

Or, in this case, what might be -- if you were the kind of person to pay attention to such things -- thinly veiled racism. In this week's MMQB and TMQB columns, King ranks (and then defends) his selections for the top five coaches and top five quarterbacks with whom to start a franchise.

Here are his top five coaches, in picture form (click to enlarge):


And here are King's top five franchise quarterbacks (if you mathletes count six, that's because Hasselbeck and Rivers tied for fifth):


Notice anything unusual about that list? Diligent KSK reader Michael does:

Quite the fair-skinned bunch wouldn't you say? King goes on to defend his pick of Saban in the top 5 by saying he is too smart of a coach to leave off the list and pointing towards the Dolphins' last two wins, apparently we are supposed to ignore the abomination that was the first half of their season. There is no explanation why Dungy, who took Tampa to the cusp of the Super Bowl and has led Indy to the first back to back 9-0 season starts ever, is so far down the list.

As far as McNabb not cracking his top 5 QBs (in fact he is #8 behind Carson Palmer as well) King says that he blames McNabb more for the Eagles' failures than he does Manning for that of the Colts'. However, King seems to have no problem moving McNabb's coach up on his list ahead of Manning's.
Damn. Gold star for Michael, right?

(Personally, I'd also wonder why Saban gets so much credit for a season and half of almost-.500 ball, while Lovie Smith has produced much greater results -- with not much more talent -- in just one more year of experience.)

Now, I don't think King is overtly racist (not that I'm looking to make excuses for him). After all, he's eager to support jolly but unqualified black men like Jerome Bettis for the Hall of Fame, and he has long criticized NFL owners for not being more proactive in interviewing and hiring minority coaches.

But I guess his standards for what's right only apply to other people, since when it comes time for him to pick his coach, no person of color cracks the top five.

33 comments:

Signal to Noise said...

Obviously, Lovie should be on the top five, but so should Tony Dungy, even if all he does is stay out of Peyton's way. At the very least, Dungy should knock Saban off that top five.

Dave F'n Bates said...

"We don't tolerate fools, douchebags, or fat chicks...And we certainly have little love for Peter King."

redundancy much?

J.L. White said...

Sorry, but I didn't quite catch all of PK's last album. It was pretty difficult sifting thru the 20-page orgasm he wrote this week about Rutgers.

Well, it was an impressive win by a historically-hapless college, but such praise from a man who hails from the corn-fed plains of Io....wait, no, I meant, for a guy born & raised in the Deep Sou....

Oh, yeah. Fuck Peter King. I just happen to not agree that Rutgers beating Louisville was the greatest thing since the Triple-grande Hazelnut Latte. I hope his next plane trip invloves being crammed in coach in between two fat and flatulent 80-year-old Polish women.

swing4 said...

Oy. Please tell me that FF retains his 1/2 blogger status by agreeing to act as your legal counsel should you be sued by PK, SI, or any of SI's affiliates.

I have only these two words of caution for you: conjugal visits.

Carry on.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

so that's why denny green isn't on the list.

Grimey said...

I don't think Marc Bulger should be on this list until he reads a Jeopardy! clue.

Grimey said...

"... I really like the upside of Philip Rivers a lot (over McNabb)" = "I wouldn't be upset if Philip Rivers drunkenly derailed my daughter...."

Critical Sports Blog said...

Saban deserves to be on the Do Not Resuscitate list.

the dude said...

And to add a little more controversy very white Joey Harrington was the QB in the last two wins after taking over for Daunte Caulpepper. My friends we have a racist!

Angelos said...

Apropos of nothing, it must be Friday in Fox's world.

Cheerleader bonanza!

http://www.foxnews.com/fncimag/index.html

Unsilent Majority said...

they stole my ea-gal!

Canadian Bobsled Champ said...

I don't believe its a case of racism, but of sexual preference. I strongly believe that Peter King wants to fuck all of them.

Angelos said...

Yes, UM, yes they did.

Worldwide Reader said...

Best part of the whole thing is the title of the column: "Silencing the Critics."

I talked to Philip Rivers after the game, and he told me that win was HUGE for his maturation process ...

Hollywood Wags said...

Why the fuck wasn't Ted Cotrell on that list???

doug_plank said...

Is that second Jeopardy picture Little Douche Bag Eli Manning?

I would take McNabb, Brees, and Leinart before that little snot bubble.

Unsilent Majority said...

no doug, that's brees. the birthmark should have told you so

LButler36 said...

Diligent KSK reader Michael = thebigO

Captain Caveman said...

Nope. The Big O has a different first name, and those sentences are far too well-crafted.

steakumms said...

Don't forget King's routine mockery of "unusual" (read: black) names during his training camp previews. Is he overtly hostile in his racism? No, but he's got that "aw-shucks, blacks are almost just like us" kind of bigotry. Just another reason King makes me sick.

I must commend you on being able to spend that much time reading King's words. I'm strangely compelled to check out his SI.com columns, and I nearly always end up doing little more than skimming them because I can't stand the guy.

ojarhead said...

ummm...you are giving Peter far too much credit...his list was not developed as the result of subtle or subconscious racism...Peter knows shit about football...every column he writes gives that away...he needs to contact Epicurian magazine and see if he can be their coffee critic...he would excel in that role...

ojarhead said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JPJ said...

there was also an 8/28 column by king in which he was basically blowing chris simms, marveling at how he seems respected by the black players on the team. and he made this statement: "I always wonder how the white kid with the silver spoon fits with the black players with no silver spoons." and i wrote him this comment which i never expected him to address, but still:

While I think you were trying to make a positive point about Simms, I think you completely demeaned and dehumanized the black players you named. Even assuming that your statement was based on some set of specific facts concerning the upbringings of Galloway, Barber, Williams, Brooks, and Smith (which I doubt), it just reeks of easy racial stereotyping. Your clear implication was that these black players are from a rough background and are thus less open to being friendly with someone like Simms. It does not give any credit to these players as human beings in their own right that there is a strong relationship with Simms, and gives all the credit to Simms as if he is some type of football-playing Lawrence of Arabia. At minimum, you are unfairly describing these players with a quick sound-bite that does no justice to them as individuals. I know nothing about these players' socioeconomic circumstances growing up, but I do know that they're generally viewed as very different from the stereotypical rough, poor, guarded, and untrusting black guy you portray. It's widely known that Ronde Barber is one half of a very accomplished and thoughtful twin tandem. Alex Smith was an economics major at Stanford, according to his website. Joey Galloway was an Academic All-American, from what I remember. And I don't recall hearing negative things about Brooks or Cadillac. So what is so surprising that they might get along with Simms if he's someone worth getting along with? From what I can tell as an average Jets fan from afar, these are thoughtful, quality guys (seemingly more so than most NFL players, regardless of race), no matter their background, deserving of far more than your careless, broadbrush portrayal of them.

LButler36 said...

Well tell michael to get lost. Only one angry balck man per blog

J.L. White said...

I'd love to see PK come out with a list of "Five Best Cornerbacks" and desperately try to find a way to get Jason Sehorn on there....

TheBigO said...

lbutler36,

Why not make a sign and hold it up.

"one black allowed"

cecil_espy said...

Simmons pulls that "look at these crazy names/style of dress/jewelry" shit too, and I'm surprised more people don't call him out on it.

He blames McNabb more than he does Peyton? How about Peyton's supporting cast over the last six years compared to McNabb's?

mind... said...

fuck him. Phillip-fucking-Rivers???

ass.

Matt said...

steakumms, cecil - If making fun of the nonsensical, misplaced apostrophe in Donte' and Dre' is wrong, I don't want to be right.

reelpeel said...

Peter King,,, thank goodness u are in the land of the free. Its unfortunate that a person of your reach has such bias. In other societies u'd be lynched. But then again u probaly represent a good population. Good Bless the USA

BigTDog said...

jpj:
A nicely articulated comment at PK. Good work.

Matt said...

BTW, if Peter King had restricted his douchebaggery to just screwing Art Monk out of the Hall of Fame I'd still think he was one of the world's greatest twatwaffles.

anon said...

Following up on Matt's comment, the idea that mooks like King and Zimmerman could be in a position to be a deciding "yea" or "nay" in these matters is depressing. (Particularly if there's something to PK's good-ole-boy-ism here...)