Unlike some of my fellow future co-defendants at KSK, I try to keep my own allegiances below the radar. Being a Raider fan, there are ample reasons why this is an advisable course of action. Nonetheless, the latest blatherings by Randy Moss have caused me to break my silence.
Randy Moss is unhappy. And according to Randy this lack of bliss has caused him to drop balls and made his overall game suffer. So unhappy, in fact, that he had to make this pronouncement at a press conference where the topic was college football's new "Randy Moss Award." One might think that such an honor would lift the spirits and put a smile on Randy's taciturn countenance. No dice. Randy chose to piss on his own parade.
Silver & Black fans, it up to us to salvage Randy's tenure with the Raiders. And since we can't do jack about the personnel and play-calling (unless something, god forbid, were to happen to Al Davis and Art Shell, wink wink, nudge nudge) all we can do is cheer Randy up. Along those lines, here are my suggestions to brighten Randy's day. As always, feel free to add your own:
A tickler bouquet from NFL legend Merlin Olsen
Membership in the jelly of the month club
Bubble bath (with Aaron Brooks or Andrew Walter, up to you Randy)
Puppies, puppies, puppies (keep them away from Old Man Davis, he eats them y'know)
Bed & breakfast getaway weekend courtesy of Tom Walsh
Unicorns & rainbows (works for spoiled. tempermental 12-year old girls, should work for Randy)
A spot on the roster of an NFL team
Art Shell's head on a silver platter: