Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Music to Lose the Average Meast


Every other week, it seems, another middling "indie" band makes the jump from obscurity to semi-demi-kinda-noticedhood on the strength of one catchy but vapid dance-pop-rock track played ad nauseum during commericials, movie trailers and filler during sports broadcasts.

I guess I can't blame them for the vagaries and practicalities of the music industry. Crappy bands can't sell crappy albums because people don't buy albums as much anymore, so the bands have to sell the rights to their one halfway appealing track to advertisers, making it ubiquitous in all the wrong ways and taking the risk that your song is associated with the latest Dane Cook flick.

The latest such example is "Cobrastyle" by The Teddybears. If you're not familiar with the song by name (I wasn't), all you need to know is the opening Da Da Dum riff played about six times followed by someone drawing on the lyrical genius of Kid Rock with a slur of a Bomb Ba Bomb Diggities and so forth. The song has already made its way onto the trailer for Employee of the Month, Fifa '06 and that commercial for Bones that Drew loves ever so much.

Last night, in a usual stolid attempt to appear hip, ESPN used the song about 10 times during Monday Night Football in its commercial bumpers, as they did with the similarly grating, similarly ephemeral Ok Go track "Here It Goes Again" a few weeks ago. This perhaps wouldn't bother me so much if the thrumming guitar riff was used to drown out Theeeesman, but as such, it's annoying as hell.

Because I'm not a member of the hipsterati, I'm not going to profess to having better alternatives for songs leading to commercials. Bill Simmons did a column about this during the playoffs last year, but offered nothing more than Pitchfork Media fodder, with the likes of Bloc Party, Stellastarr*, LCD Soundsystem, Louis XIV and a bunch of other lame shit with whiny lyrics. Will Leitch shakes his emo bangs in thundrous approval. I mean, you know a genre is dead when it takes on a uniform gangly aural aesthetic.

Being a damn lazy ape, I'm going to leave it up to our commenters for suggestions. Anything from The Power and The Glory gets you banned.

34 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

Why does the black monkey have to be holding that gun. White monkeys shoot people too!

Captain Caveman said...

I've always had a soft spot for "Sex Bomb" by Tom Jones.

Unsilent Majority said...

caveman's real
sex bomb

Big Daddy Drew said...

Pair any track from the first Kasabian album with some hot chicks (of any color!) and you got yourself a Clio.

Unsilent Majority said...

Ebony and Ivory

TheBigO said...

"Why does the black monkey have to be holding that gun. White monkeys shoot people too! "

Lol, UM, you're fuckin stupid, that's hilarious.

the dude said...

Stoopid Monkey.

peytonloveskenny said...

I think "Idiots Rule" by Jane's Addiction would be appropriate for MNF.

Rob I said...

Anything by Marah...especially during Eagles games.

Run Up The Score! said...

The Go! Team. Please, someone agree with me.

I'd let a white monkey into my country club. Even with the gun in hand. Or paw. Whatever.

TheBigO said...

Just play it safe and play rap/hip-hop/R&B music for Football and Basketball, play like Latin Jazz or something for Baseball, and honky tonk shit for Nascar, and save the rock music for Hockey, play like new age soft pussy rock for Tennis, and play really loud punk rock for Golf. Cool? Cool, see everybody's happy. Problem solved.

Chamomiles Davis said...

The ironic approach might be too edgy for the WWL, but here's an unconventional list of "lead-to-commercial" tracks:

1. Fugazi: Merchandise (live)
2. MDC: Corporate Deathburger
3. Negativland: Truth in Advertising
4. The Dream is Dead: Consume. Consent. Concede.
5. What Happens Next?: Conditioned Consumption
6. DRI: Capitalists Suck

Further lame leftist drivel catalogued here.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

How about ALL Captain Beefheart or only SICK AS FUCK Autechre tracks, natch?

Bad Barbecue said...

That's pretty close Bigo. Everything's right but the football. There are just too many people watching football to be that simple. And when alot of people are doing something in America, that means white folk are usually involved, and thus very little rap/hip-hop/r&b. You can see the complexities of this problem being worked out on the stage as Bocephus plays along side Little Richard and the guy from Cheap Trick, among other ridiculous invitees. It is a tough question indeed. But possibly something in a ska is appropriate, as lamentable as that is. Out of fashion enough that your father would think he was hip, its influences are big band (white folk), reggae (black folk), and there are horns (latinos). In summation you can't please everyone, but you can irritate them.

flubby said...

Cheap Trick (and Big Star) begat indie pop. Give 'em the credit (or blame, if you are of such an opinion).

Bad Barbecue said...

Not a comment on individual talents, I mean Charlie Daniels is in there. Charlie F-n Daniels. Each of these people have contributed to music in their own right, else they wouldn't be doing something, collectively, that Pink does by herself. It is the group as metaphor for football's demographic that I find fascinating.

TheBigO said...

Just as long as it's not Pink. Fuck Pink. I have a hard time sometimes findin the remote that quickly to hit the mute button, for her and that faggot red-neck on the ford truck commercials.

The Pirate Sloth said...

I say they only play Funk during MNF. Everyone loves Funk. Who couldn't love Funk? Even white people play funk. (granted, their numbers are limited)

Everyone gets down to a little Funk. Everyone.

dusty said...

What the fuck is wrong w/some classic rock..GnR's welcome to the jungle?

Oh damn..they already sold out to a commerical with that one. my bad.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Funk is good ... or POLKA!

TheBigO said...

Funk works, some Herbie Hancock and the Headhunters, some George Duke, Rick James, Weather Report..... Hell yeah, I can dig it.

Son of Brasky said...

If whiny pop music is required, why not Journey?

I think "superfreak" would be great theme music for MNF, considering Tirico is the lead announcer and all.

Son of Brasky said...

"Further lame leftist drivel catalogued here."

Thank you, Chamomiles Davis. I find that simple sentence way more entertaining than probably necessary.

swing4 said...

I wouldn't mind something from the vault. Maybe The Jam.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

Kool and the Gang 'Summer Madness' all day, all night. Put a bitch to bed...

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Either The Tony Kornheiser Band or The Joe Theisman Experience. Either one would work. No?

Big Jim Slade said...

I chew on matchsticks and cut my pizza with scissors. Is that "Cobra-style"?

Awful Chief said...

My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo, I like to sink her with my pink torpeeeeeeedo!

There you go.
"Big Bottom" would be a fine choice, as would "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight", "Give Me Some Money", or pretty much any Tap song.

Unsilent Majority said...

i'd be happy if they just played gogo.

Claude Balls said...

Right, because you can never have too much banging on the bottoms of plastic drums.

Unsilent Majority said...

claude, your simplistic views trouble me dearly. if you cannot see the beauty of overnight scenario i pity you.

Grimey said...

The ending of "Turn Those Clapping Hands Into Angry Balled Fists" by Against Me!

I'll wait while you illegally download it.

Kickhisass_seabass said...

Did Marcus Vick buy Mr. Bubbles?

Roger said...

Run Up the Score, I'm there with you. I was thinking about it on the way in to work today and decided "Huddle Formation" by The Go! Team would be perfect.

Also, Dirt off Your Shoulder by Jay-Z.