Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Hey Politics, Get the F*ck Away From My Football!

Holy shit it's midterm day already, and you know what that means...only two more years of W (the president, not the hotel...that place is money). We aren't what you'd call a "political" blog (apparently convicted felons can't vote) but on this day of election one name stands out in the minds of everybody from Deadspin to Wonkette. Of course I'm talking about current Senator George Allen Jr. (R VA), the son the legendary coach and also a complete son of a bitch.


Sr. was a great football coach, but he was a bit of an asshole. His son is exactly the same way...except for the football thing. He is such a goddamn vagina that he drinks Summer's Eve in lieu of bottled water. He's endured all sorts of controversies because of his big mouth, hard dying racist habits, and a decapitated deer. Of course none of this has much to do with the NFL that we cherish so dearly, so why do I even care?

Because George Allen is starting to fuck with my shit, that's why.

Soon to be ex-Senator George Allen...he's on the right.

Yesterday he was out campaigning in the parking lot of my very own FedEx field. While meandering through the tailgating hordes Allen found many Redskins fans with Virginia tags to annoy the hell out of. Seriously, the only thing worse than being called by a telemarketer is having some asshole politician beg for your vote while you're trying to get shit-faced at 10 am. While it may be a shame to see a struggling incumbent beg for his career in front of a large gathering of people who worshiped his father, I still think it's pretty entertaining.

Even though I don't appreciate a stumping politician (especially one from the commonwealth) showing up at my place of worship on a Sunday, I have other problems to deal with.

Because of his father the Senator has football friends friends in high places. We all know that Joe Gibbs is a big republican (and that's by NASCAR standards!), it shouldn't surprise you that he's a friend and an Allen supporter. Then there's Deacon Jones; he's the all time great who used to attack quarterbacks like Allen supporters going after an abortion clinic (preemptive response: calm down you whacky Virginians I'm just joking!). Deacon was also a very close friend of Allen's since his numerous years of playing for his father. It was also Deacon who spoke on Allen Sr.'s behalf when he was enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

None of this really bothered me all that much either. Sadly Deacon has been appearing in radio campaign ads for his old friend, and they're playing all over Triple X ESPN Radio here in Washington (owned by Danny Snyder...more on this later). Last week when Allen was unable to call in for his regular segment on John Riggins' radio show it was Deacon who filled in, the two of them shilled away (and it doesn't even count as a commercial). That's when I started to get a little bit pissed off.

Recently a straw broke the camels back like it was Theesman's leg. I found out that Danny Snyder contributed money to the campaign of evil. As a young Jewish Redskins fan I've been one of the biggest Snyder apologist on all the internets. Now that he's giving money to Virginians he might as well move to Great Falls and chop down all the trees his heart desires. Suddenly it seems as if he's more Ashuburn than Potomac...et tu Danny?

I always figured Danny was a republican...he's in that top 1% you hear so much about. But did it have to be this putz? Mr. Snyder, YOU'RE ON NOTICE!

The only reason the Senator is still in this race after his many embarrassments is because of his deep pockets and his total fucktard of an opponent. Even though Jim Webb is a bit of a fuck up he's the fun kind of fuck up. Check out one of Allen's recent "attack" ads on Mr. Webb.



So...uh...Vote for Webb! Because you just can't do any better.


Hopefully this is the last time I ever have to write about politics; football is akin to religion, we don't need no government 'round these parts...VOTE OR DIE!

Update: George Allen Loves Jerry Jones
courtesy of Chris Mottram at Saved by the Blog







Update 2: Is George Allen's Campaign Being Naughty?
Or just plain evil

53 comments:

epsknows said...

I just found out Jim Davis who is running for Governor of FL parties with terrorists. Not cave dwellers, but the ones who live 90 miles south of Miami. They are pushing this war on terror a little to far.

Opps, time to go get re-educated.

peytonloveskenny said...

If only Allen were to be mauled by bears...

Natty said...

I agree, hopefully this is the last time you will write about politics.

Son of Brasky said...

Allen sucks balls. But since you brought politics to a sports blog, which is worse than campaigning before a football game, you now suck more balls.

TroubleHelix said...

HA! For everyone who doesn't know, that scary clown in the ad is john wayne gacy. Mr. 30 bodies under his floorboards. He use to play a clown at his local hospital.
So to summarize: don’t live in Virginia or clowns will eat you

Son of Brasky said...

Additionally,

VOTE QUIMBY!

Unsilent Majority said...

it's election day, it's like the nfl draft of politics! besides, the political landscape is traditionally littered with former pro athletes.

Captain Caveman said...

Jim Webb is the balls. As SecNav for Reagan, he made a HUGE gamble by selecting Al Gray as the Commandant of the Marine Corps, which may not mean anything to you pussies, but it completely changed the face and future of the Marine Corps for the better. Also, Fields of Fire is a terrific (if occasionally heavy-handed) novel.

C. said...

Junior's a total wanna-be poseur from CA who wishes he was from the old South.

Death to politicians campaigning at football games.

J.L. White said...

I just cannot back any candidate who tries to use a racial slur publicly, then totally whiffs with the "Makaka" comment. Really, if you don't have the balls to use the N word, then why even bother? A douche likes this doesn't deserve to be anywhere near a football field.

Critical Sports Blog said...

Allen makes an abortion look like Thanksgiving dinner. I'm not voting for him principally because I don't live in Virginia.

Unsilent Majority said...

Allen makes an abortion look like Thanksgiving dinner

ok, now i'm just feeling sick

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos said...

That giant head of Lloyd Bridges is really creeping me out.

Rob I said...

it's like the nfl draft of politics!

Does that mean that Chris Berman is gonna call races well before the polls are closed?

Natty said...

I like Webb personally but have zero faith in the Democratic party to not pull a Vietnam when it comes to dealing with terrorists. I also hate USM so its Allen for me.

the dude said...

I don't like his Bart killing policy but I do like his Selma killing policy.

Vote Side Show Bob.

Unsilent Majority said...

Counsilman Les Winan does not agree

BoSox Siobhan said...

As a resident of the District of Columbia, where I suffer with the burden of taxation without representation, I'm just thankful that this fucking election cycle will be over soon so I don't have to see Michael Steele fondling that damned dog in those commercials anymore. And, yes, I voted in our sham election this morning.

Unsilent Majority said...

you voted? for what???

Fenty is Mayor and your Councilman should have already been set as well. This is my first mid term election as a voting DC resident...it's pretty damn boring.

Gilbert Arenas for Mayor!!!

BoSox Siobhan said...

Voting in DC in general is terribly unfulfilling, knowing that it doesn't matter at all. General election, my ass.

InanimateCarbonRod said...

A politics post on a football blog and not one word about Lynn Swann?

Unsilent Majority said...

the day is not over yet mr. rod.

SteveJeltzFan said...

Wait, UM, you admit to both living within the District and being able to listen to Triple X radio?
Does. Not. Compute.

Otherwise, I agree with your post completely.

Don't blame me I voted for Kodos.

Unsilent Majority said...

Steve, I listen to the riggins show in the car on the way home from work. at work i get no signal so i listen to Redskins Lunch over the internet.

SteveJeltzFan said...

Didn't know they streamed (not that I'd tune in). Apparently, it's easier to pull in over the air Baltimore TV signals than some of the XXX signals the closer you get to downtown DC.

BoSox Siobhan said...

I get no XXX ESPN signal anywhere in the District. I wish Danny Boy would stop spending his money on upping the signal strength instead of politics.

Awful Chief said...

I look forward to an orderly election to eliminate the need for a violent blood bath.
All I remember about Fenty is that he is against tall boys.

Tortfeasor said...

I guess you also enjoyed "Lost Soldiers," in which Webb writes about a man who embraces his four-year-old son and puts the kid's dick in his mouth. Seriously. I won't be voting for that sick fucker.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Fenty is also the architect of the smoking ban in bars, which chaps my ass, but is the way of the world these days.

Unsilent Majority said...

Granted his books are a bit "dark" but it's pretty ridiculous to condemn somebody's character because of a work of fiction.

Captain Caveman said...

tortfeasor, why do I get the feeling you don't have too many literary discussions? Your assumption is quite a stretch. Just because I liked "Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" doesn't mean that "You Shall Know Our Velocity!" isn't a meandering bore.

I can't believe candidates' political worth is somehow being tied to fiction they've written. Ugh, I hate politics.

Natty said...

For the first time in my life I am ashamed to be a Virginian. This election has been a mean spirited debacle on both sides, which is kind of ironic since the candidates themselves are not that different with the exception of their view of the Iraq war. That is certainly a legitimate issue to disagree on but not necessitating the bile we have seen from both camps.

I for one blame the professional campaign staffs for both parties. And Unsilent Majority, screw him.

Unsilent Majority said...

yeah, screw me

Claude Balls said...

Douchebags who take their talking points from Sean Hannity deserve the jackasses they vote for. But, why should I be punished for your fucktardedness?

Claude Balls said...

Or is that fucktardation? Damn, Webster's is no fucking help.

Drew Brees' Birthmark said...

Vote or Die motherfucker, Vote or Die.

Angelos said...

tortfeasor, you should also know that that event was something he actually witnessed as a soldier, and he wove into his narrative.

But hey, don't let reality get in your way.

twoeightnine said...

smart angelos

Otto Man said...

I like Webb personally but have zero faith in the Democratic party to not pull a Vietnam when it comes to dealing with terrorists.

I've read this four times and still can't understand it. We're currently bogged down in a war that, by the administration's own intelligence agencies, has made terrorism much worse. But the Democrats might get us stuck in Vietnam again? Brilliant.

Otto Man said...

Or did "pull a Vietnam" mean "abandon the quagmire and let the country go to hell"? Remind me again which Democrat was president when we left Vietnam in '73?

Unsilent Majority said...

FACE!

browncreeper said...

George Preston Marshall-racist, jew-hating pigfucker.

George Allen, Sr.- racist, jewfucking pig-hater.

George Allen, Jr.- racist, self-hating porklover.

Vote Webb: better on race, better on Jews, much better on pigs. And good on dick apparently, though I haven't read his novels.

And hail to the Redskins.

Natty said...

Otto,

Maybe "Pull a Vietnam means something like leave a country in the lurch abandoning the populace to some serious and horrible persecution, destabilize an area that is vital to American security by allowing hostile countries (Iran) and non-state actors to increase their power at our and our allies expense, undermine our ability to credibly deter future threats because they believe they do not need to beat us on the battlefield because we will stop fighting and leave if they make it just difficult enough for us, and reduce the faith of our potential allies that we will stick by them to zero.

Also Otto, remember it was a Democratic Congress that prohibited any money from being spent to fund the military of South Vietnam, making it hard for them to defend themselves after we pulled out, despite the implicit agreement that if our troops left the battlefield we would still help them resist North Vietnam. You see, Congress has power to, maybe you learned that at some point in school.

Finally a little more history, as Afghanistan shows we cannot destabilize a country and leave it to potential terrorists, our failure to prevent chaos in Afghanistan after the Soviets were driven out allowed Bin Laden etc. to set up shop unmolested. If we pull out of Iraq its very possible either Iranian backed Hezbollah types or Sunni radicals will be ab le to set up shop in Iraq.

Son of Brasky said...

I live in DC and listen to political debate throughout the day, so I would appreicate it if you morons would get back to football, drunk QBs, and drunk lesbian cheerleaders (obviously, there is nothing wrong with that).

Recommended topic: The pros and cons of the 3-4 blitzing defense to the modern 4-3 cover-2 defense. Talk amongst yourselves...

Otto Man said...

Natty, your predictions about what will happen if we pull out of Iraq are scary.

In fact, they're about as scary as the predictions back in the late '60s and early '70s about what would happen if we pulled out of Vietnam. The dominos were going to fall all over Southeast Asia, and then Red Communism was going to march into Japan, New Zealand and Australia. You're obviously much more well versed in all this, so remind me -- just how good did those predictions turn out?

And you know, the same people who are making those dire predictions about Iraq now are pretty much the exact same ones who predicted we'd be greeted as liberators, who predicted that the war would be short and sweet, who predicted that the war would pay for itself with all that Iraqi oil money, who predicted that we'd find tons of WMDs, who predicted that we'd see sure-fire links between Saddam and al Qaeda, and who claimed that the war in Iraq would lessen the risk of terrorism.

Those people are batting .000 so far in the predictions department. If you want to keep on listening to them, please feel free. But I'm going to listen to other people for a change. People like the sixteen different intelligence agencies of this government who have shown that our presence in Iraq has increased the number of terrorists and terrorist incidents and made us less safe.

But you have fun with the Miss Cleo neoconservatives. I'm sure they'll be right one of these days.

In the meantime, be sure to keep pissing your pants in fear. It's the patriotic thing to do.

Otto Man said...

Despite my political opinions, I would like to second SOB's motion to get back to more lesbian cheerleader action.

If we don't talk about those things, the terrorists will clearly win.

Natty said...

Otto,

I do agree about the lesbian cheerleaders .

As for the other thing let me just say that the "Miss Cleo" conservatives you refer to apparently include many of the troops in Iraq. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/05/AR2006110500770.html

And the bad consequences I refer to are not so much the Dominoes falling as was mentioned in Vietnam but the consequences for the Iraqi people if we pull out, just like what happened to the people of S. Vietnam after we pulled out, check out Freedom House to see how Communist Vietnam scores when it comes to political and religious freedom.

And of course our leaving Afghanistan in chaos DID have tragic consequences for us, check out "Ghost Wars" by Coll for a good history on it.

My first post wasn't a rah rah Bush post, I think Iraq was a mistake, but we are there now and messing it has serious downsides for the Iraqis and US. Not to mention the other issues such as hurting our capability to deter potential future foes which you have not addressed. But the way you jumped on with that patented mix of arrogance and ignorance found by many in the modern urban left are part of the reason many of us vote Republican with one hand holding our noses.

That being said this is a sports blog so lets have more sports.

Otto Man said...

You hate arrogance and ignorance, so you vote Republican? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Unsilent Majority said...

oy vey. now everybody is doing it

BoSox Siobhan said...

Bourbon and Buttsex!!
Whoo! Does that stem the flow of political blah blah blah?

Claude Balls said...

I must say I admire bosox siobhan for getting drunk and offering to take it up the pooper in order to keep peace on the board. You ma'am are a trooper and a team player. I salute you.

Unsilent Majority said...

We need more hot bitches in the House.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Thank you, sir. I find the entire political process to be a lot more tolerable with the (ahem) liberal application of booze and sex.