Welcome to the 9th edition of our weekly feature, Always Be Covering. The following is a small sampling of the games I'll be investing in sometime after serenading Bassy with Fabolous lyrics and sometime before chanting "Dallas Sucks" for hours on end.
While I may appear startlingly brilliant (or possibly not) you must remember that this is a humor site. If you take me too seriously you should be damned to an eternity of Raiders football (I think that was Dante's fourth circle).
He also knows that Green Bay's gonna cover, you can do it too...
Green Bay +3.5 at Buffalo
The Bills lost to those punk ass white boys (TJ's words, not mine...I swear) in Detroit, they don't deserve any respect from a gambler. They've lost and failed to cover in their last three. Even if the SG deems Favre to be beyond "don't bet against" status I'll take 3.5 against an awful team more often than not. How much longer can Dick Jauron's one good season last him, those thirteen wins were like a key to the bank vault.
Baltimore -3 vs. Cincinnati
The Bengals swept the Ravens last year. Ray Lewis didn't play in either game. Ray Lewis doesn't like losing to the fucking Bengals, he likes to stab them. I just hope somebody remembers to warn Bart Scott about that hot sauce, if he gets it within sniffing distance of Chris Henry he's going to wind up covered in MD20/20 scented vomit.
Atlanta -5.5 at Detroit
Roy Williams probably wishes that bye weeks never ended. It's sad to see such a good (albeit obnoxious) talent stuck in gravitational orbit of Matt Millen's fat ass. I'm positive that Odessa Permian and UT were run more like professional franchises than the Lions are. Oh yeah, and Mr. Mexico is playing like god damn MVP lately.
"What the fuck?" line of the week: Pittsburgh -2.5 (-115) vs. Denver NO ACTION!
I was all set to cash in my 401k on Denver...then I had a second thought. This line seems waaay too good to be true and it's scaring the shit out me. The Steelers just lost Oakland's Fucktard Incorporated and Denver was able to push the Colts. I smell a fix.
Chicago -7.5 *vs. Miami
I've gotten in the habit of teasing Chicago's double digit lines even though it doesn't seem all that necessary. Regardless it's a safe pick because they're just going to end up beating the hell out of all these crappy teams they're playing in the middle of the season. Joey Harrington is probably shitting his pants as we speak.
*Both lines have been teased 6 points