Friday, November 17, 2006

Where Cheerleaders Don't Dare to Dwell

This is usually the spot for our cheerleader fapfest at KSK, but we feel that we've provided enough of that content for this week. Instead, we turn our attention to those sinister seven fuckwit teams that choose to keep their sidelines unadorned by between-play eye candy: the Bears, Packers, Lions, Jets, Giants, Steelers and Browns.

The later two renew their increasingly tepid rivalry this weekend. The Browns players were making some noise this week about avenging their 41-0 defeat to the Steelers in Cleveland last December, and yaaaawwwwnnnn. The battle for the cellar of the AFC North isn't really the stakes on which this may finally be settled, no?

Most Steelers fans will tell you that cheerleaders are too "Hollywood" and that the team is too gritty for that shit. On this point I must strenuously disagree with the rest of the armed militia of the Steeler Rogue Nation. Gritty or not, we all know it's just because the Rooneys are too damn cheap to hold auditions and buy uniforms. And if we got any, they'd only be pitiful castoffs from other teams. Such is The Way.

I will say, if you're decidedly against cheerleaders, quit ogling them on the road, like this unfortunate Chargers cheerleader, who is trying to awkwardly simper her way out of an enclosing pack of Steelers fans. Sorry, lady, they both smell and are attracted to fear.

As for the Browns, well, I'm not sure I'd be interested in seeing any unit of scantily clad Cleveland women they could cobble together. However, if any brood should issue forth from the unholy alliance pictured below, the Dawg Pound could strap its many chins into a stolen wheelchair and have it crash into things for the crowd's approval.

You've intercepted his heart.

19 comments:

Signal to Noise said...

Now I understand why one of my friends back in college used "Browns fan" as an alternate to "butterface."

Unsilent Majority said...

There's a simple reason that those teams don't have cheerleaders. Can you imagine what kind of talent they'd find in Detroit, Green Bay, New Jersey, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland? Maybe they should import

rock_n_rye said...

maybe we can talk Kristen Bell into coming back to her hometown and shakin her ass for the halftime show on Thanksgiving instead of John Fogerty.

LButler36 said...

I notice a trend in the teams without cheerleaders. They all have long, proud histories or hardnose football and winning. Oh and also the Lions.

Becky said...

I was just going to point out the much drooled over Ms Bell was from the Detroit area.

Granted, that's the only hottie I can come up with right now, but she counts for something, right?

Sigh - look at the Pistons' Automotion dance team and you'll understand why we don't have multiples. Many double baggers there.

Unsilent Majority said...

Becky, you are a god amongst women

doug_plank said...

That Brown's chick holding the sign has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

burma jones said...

Hey Lady, you got food on yer chin. No, the other one!

J.L. White said...

Ape, you're absolutely right about the Steelers being too cheap to get some cheerleaders. You did forget, though, to factor in the cost the Steelers would have to pay to, you know, fly in actual attractive females to Pittsburgh. It all adds up, my friend.

flubby said...

"Honey, you got reeeal ugly." - Ash

Awful Chief said...

The Lions do have cheerleaders. Unfortunately, they are middle school students. When Ford Field opened I was really hoping that they would send some scouts up to Trumps, Cheetah's, and other places on 8 Mile Rd to help turn things around. Instead, Millen decided to continue catering to the pederasts of SE Michigan and we are where we are.

Awful Chief said...

I may be wrong...maybe it's a middle school band they put out at halftime. Whatever it is, it's a disgrace.

WaistingCompanyTime6 said...

wow holley mangold and big ben danced in middle school? learn something new everyday i guess...

cecil_espy said...

That's true; between Pitt, Duquense and the seeming millions of colleges in a two hour radius of Pittsburgh, there is not a single attractive women. It's a rough life here in Western PA.

Mike said...

Just where is Ben's left hand in that picture? Oh wait, I don't want to know.

twoeightnine said...

i need to move to san diego.

Guy Nova Scotia said...

Ben's hand is between the little jewish girl's back pillows.

Otto Man said...

the Dawg Pound could strap its many chins into a stolen wheelchair and have it crash into things for the crowd's approval.

I'm crying here. Crying.

Red Line said...

Cleveland produces a lot of Playboy playmates.

How that can be so, I have no idea. I'm a native Clevelander, yet I can't disagree with the previous assessments.