Wednesday, November 8, 2006

"Say the right things when electioneering, I trust I can rely on your vote"

Election day, when we get to vote for assembly-people, constables, school-board members and a bunch of other assholes who are going to do exactly dick-all for any of us except ask for our vote. However, there is one notable exception: Nevada voters had a chance to vote on something that might actually effect the quality of their life. Question 7 concerns decriminalization of sale and possession of small amounts of marijuana (up to an ounce). Since Nevada is a popular destination for NFL players and fans, two preeminent voices of modern social change have lent their voices to this noble cause. Ricky Williams and Randy Moss.


"Hi, remember me? Up here in Canada, they're a little lax on weed, but you still can't get any good shit. It's all Downtown Brown around Toronto. No dank nugs to be found anywhere. Vote Yes on Question 7 and I will move to Nevada. Hell, I've already signed to play for Las Vegas' new NFL franchise. They took me for a tour of the new stadium and I got to meet the cheerleaders and the mayor. Of course, I've been eating a lot of mushrooms lately, so it's possible that I hallucinated the whole thing. Things better turn around soon or I am going to turn my Heisman into a bong."



"Like Ricky, I hope to return to an NFL team someday. Obviously I have shit else to do besides talk to you today about why you should vote yes on Question 7. I hear weed has pain-relieving properties, that's probably good for somebody. Not me of course-- I haven't so much as taken a hit (on the field that is) in years. I know an ounce ain't much, but I can send Jerry Porter's bitch-ass up there every damn day for me. Anyway, Randy says vote yes for Question 7. Remember America: you keep me in weed and I'll keep bringing the crazy. Shit, when is election day anyways???"

10 comments:

swing4 said...

Come to think of it, why doesn't Vegas have a football franchise? If ever there was a peanut butter and chocolate-like pairing, that would be it.

Unsilent Majority said...

stupid anti-gambling bastards

Matt said...

You think Ricky isn't already smoking out of his Heisman? I kinda figured that was the only reason he hasn't hocked it.

Question for the class: If he did hollow out the trophy and turn the stiff arm into a down stem would that raise or lower its value?

Big Jim Slade said...

Depends on where he drilled a hole for the carb...

Unsilent Majority said...

a real man's bong doen't have a carb...and the arm could never work as a downstem...you people need to go back to THC A&M

TheBigO said...

"a real man's bong doen't have a carb..."

Goddamn right, a real mans bong has a pullout blown glass stem.

Matt said...

Well, sure, the arm wouldn't actually work. But I just like the phrase, "Ricky's sucking on the stiff arm!"

Big Jim Slade said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Otto Man said...

you people need to go back to THC A&M

I love their team cheers: "Gimme a T! Gimme an H! Gimme a ... What were we just talking about?!"

Mike said...

Tragically, Question 7 failed, 56% to 44%.