Wednesday, November 1, 2006

He's got no back, but he's still frontin'...


Former Giants cornerback Will Peterson, who hasn't played in more than a year due to his FUBAR back, signed a one-year veteran's minimum contract with the Iggles yesterday. The hard-luck Peterson also announced he was changing his name to "Will James." Thanks to Albert "Joey" Belle, I can't help but feel a little cynical when athletes change their names in order to turn over a new leaf. And if you were going to pick out a new name, why would you go with something as pedestrian as 'Will James'? Max Power sounds waaaaaay cooler.

In the era of free agency and the salary cap, it's all that my booze-addled mind can do to remember one name for these guys. There should be a law limiting name changes to (in descending order of their contributions to society) porn stars, pro wrestlers, rappers and sports bloggers.

My petty bitchiness notwithstanding, the buzz is that Will James nee Peterson struggled mightily with selecting a new moniker. Thanks to our top-notch research staff, we were able to find a partial list of names that the newly-christened Mr. James rejected.

Scott Peterson

Suri Peterson

Will Houshmandzadeh

Will Boutros-Boutros Ghali

Will Leitch




Will Heactuallymakeaninterceptionthisseason

Bison Dele

The Black Mark Foley

Apron Boobsface

Karl Hungus

Lucious Left-Foot

Chump Bailey

As always, I welcome more pathetic attempts at comedy in the comments.

23 comments:

KillBillWirtz said...

Does Will have a brother named Henry who is also changing his name?

Big Daddy Drew said...

William J. Fong
Celestia
Quaid

Eric said...

George Peterson, Chicago police

Suss & The Family Stone said...

J. Peterman

Otto Man said...

Hooty McBoob.

Mayor McRib said...

Dos Quatro
or
HE HATE MEadowlands

Unsilent Majority said...

Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf

Awful Chief said...

Billy Sehorn

grungedave said...

Willie Loman

Big Jim Slade said...

Alice Bowie

The Pirate Sloth said...

Willie Produce
Willie Makeit
Will Peterslong
Peters Willielong
Englebert Humperdink

ow, that hurt my brain.

Drizztdj said...

Willis Drummond
The Fresh Prince
IveFallenAndCantGetUp

and

Pedro

J.L. White said...

Sir William McCoverWrongReceiver, The Third

burma jones said...

Izzy Gaye
Dixon Cider
Philip Erbachs
Mike Oxfat
Joe Theesman

DBO said...

Willie Giveoneupalltheway.

Draft Dodgers said...

Who was he for halloween?

Will U. Respectmeinthemorning

Unsilent Majority said...

let's all just chip in now and send burma jones to a therapist

cecil_espy said...

"Not that Will Allen, or that Will Allen, yeah that" Will Allen

Joseliohansonscock Peterson

FubarBack Peterson

Trey Junkin

cecil_espy said...

Tra Thomas, since apparently isn't good enough for some in the NFC East.

The Angry Rant said...

Richard Fitzwell
Heywood Gablomie

Props on Hootie McBoob. I've always liked Chesti LaRue myself.

burma jones said...

Tell me you didnt snicker a little reading those out loud...

One summer in college, my coworkers and I signed those (and more) names on the time sheets for the State temp job we had. In 4 months, no one batted an eye or ever said a word.

God, I hope they got audited.

Critical Sports Blog said...

Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili was his original choice (Stalin)

Mike said...

The two months I spent telemarketing, I would introduce myself as Slim Shady when I was selling the Detroit Free Press.