Wednesday, August 23, 2006

What Team Would You Rather Better Know Than THIS ONE, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

As flubby mentioned in a previous installment of Better Know a Team, it has been a while since the Music City Miracle. The Bills, the team that got miracl'd, choose to refer the incident as The Music City Extremely Poor and Inopportune Kickoff Coverage and haven't been back to the playoffs since.


Some things you may not know about the Bills:

  • Most people know the team is named for Buffalo Bill Cody, who was not from and likely never visited Buffalo. Tom Benson will use this as his reasoning when he moves the Saints to Los Angeles and changes their name to the Genghis Khans. Or just Los Locos.

    The team's most famous fan is occasional journalist and all-the-time fat-faced ruddyman, Tim Russert, whose son also inherited the family meathead, both literally and figuratively.
  • The Bills have the ugliest uniforms in the NFL. It's science. Perhaps they gazed lovingly at the duds of the CFL teams to the north or they saw the success that met the Patriots and the Broncos soon after they donned their new ugly suits. I'm not sure. Is it too late to name the team after Joseph Merrick?
  • Even Mel Kiper laughed at them for taking Donte Whitner with the 8th pick in this year's draft, when he could have easily been had at least 20 to 30 picks later. Turn that one over in your heads for a while, Bills fans. Mah-el Ky-poor June-yor larffed aught 'chu. But not Isiah Thomas, surprisingly.
  • Scott Norwood now resides in Northern Virginia, where he makes a living as realtor, mostly selling ranch homes that lean just a little to the right. Third prize is you're fired, Norwood. PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN NORWOOD! Coffee is for kickers!

Bills, I'm not the first to tell you that you're proper fucked. Your coach is Dick Jauron. Your quarterback battle is being waged between J.P. Losman and Kelly Holcomb, a contest otherwise know as the conflation Loscomb. Where's Sharp Stick in the Eye? Cap causalty? I even heard the team brought in Primo Levi to be your general manger. Can't be a good sign.



Note: This post was written by Christmas Ape.

19 comments:

Monday Morning Punter said...

If only we could fit a Glengarry Glen Ross reference in every post...

Becky said...

I'm a little shocked to find a Primo Levi name drop in here, I can't lie.

Is it bad I read some of these Get to Know a Team posts JUST to feel better about loving a team featuring Jon Kitna as a starter?

Eddie Mac said...

You know what it takes to kick a game winning field goal? it takes brass balls

and i agree with MMP, yall need a line from Blake at the very least daily. go and do likewise gents

Rob I said...

The sports talk show with Luke Russert and James Carville on XM Satellite Radio is like listening to angry raccoons fucking.

Unsilent Majority said...

becky, that's what we're here for.

flubby said...

Bruce and Harriet Nyborg. Do you want to see the memos? They're nuts. They like to talk to salesmen.

Son of Brasky said...

Ape, I was going to give you kudos for the Glengarry Glen Ross reference, but MMP beat me to it.

I would make fun of the Bills for Russert being their biggest fan, but unfortunately I've been to Benihana's in Georgetown. On the celeb wall, sadly, there is a picture of the owner and Sisgo (?) wearing a Chris Weinke Panthers jersey.

I'm going to go cry in the dark now.

Andrew said...

No YWM,L references about 'circling the wagon'?

Come on... it's all we've got at this point. Yes, we're really bad, and don't really have a quarterback, and have no clue what our superstar running back is capable of, and waste draft picks, and could have had Leinert, but at least we can take solace knowing that at some point this season, after some kind of strange comeback, we'll get to hear a washed up, no-talent hack scream,

"Nobody circles the wagon like the Buffalo Bills!"

feep said...

Becky, I feel your pain as a fellow Lions fan. May we live through the second coming of the Scott Mitchell era.

As for Norwood, well, remember: Laces Out!

The Last Unitard said...

I still can't believe they let Bledsoe get away.

Basshole said...

The Bills have the ugliest uniforms in the NFL.

I'd have to go with the Browns home uniforms...

TheBigO said...

Go to Google.com and type in the word 'Failure' and check out the first entry. They'll probably fix it soon, too funny.

Otto Man said...

The Bills have the ugliest uniforms in the NFL.

Nope, the Jaggywires have it by a mile. Teal and leopard print? It's a perfect fit for the city, which means it's tackier than a Tammy Faye Bakker garage sale.

Beban said...

Scott Norwood is actually selling prime real estate in a little slice of heaven Known as Rio Rancho.

In fact, he just got Harriet Nyborg to by a parcel near the lake. Maybe you should get in while you can.

Mac said...

The Bills did have the ugliest uniforms in the NFL before the abomination that is the Vikings' new road unis. High school teams laugh at the Vikings.

Spectacular Sam said...

Norwood sold me a great piece of land. Everyone tells me it's the second best piece of land in the country, so I'm happy.

CU Buffs said...

I drive by that sign all the time.

Ben said...

I went to Buffalo Bill's grave once and I don't know which would piss him off more. The fact that the mountain is covered with houses now and people throw coins on his grave like it's a damn fountain or that this crappy team was named after him.

Diplomatik said...

Ben,

Where is his grave located? I'd like to take a fat piss on it, that fuckin two-bit piece of shit.