Friday, August 18, 2006

Better Know a Football Team: The Tennessee Tuxedos

This is the latest in KSK's continuing preview of all 31 NFL clubs (plus the Texans).

So far, Randy Moss is pissed because he wasn't on the field in an exhibition game when he wanted to be. Clinton Portis is pissed because he was on the field when he didn't want to be. No one knows what the hell TO wants to do. Without getting all Rumsfeld, there are many "unknowns" regarding the approaching NFL season. However, this is one "known": the Titans are definitely going to be shitty again. Nonetheless, here we go...

Four things you might not know about the Tennessee Titans:

1. Former WR Ernest Givens set franchise career records for receptions (542) and receiving yards (7935).

2. Defensive tackle Randy Starks returned to practice this week after his August 8th arrest on domestic violence charges. Randy can hit hard. Just ask Junior Winslow.

3. Titans coach Jeff Fisher is considering adding T-Rac as an extra pass-rusher on third and long.

4. Earl Campbell eats wise-ass punks like you for breakfast.

The Titans really know how to treat the face of the franchise's Tennessee era. Former MVP Steve McNair received treatment usually reserved for slumpbusters who have overstayed their welcome on Sunday morning (and it's like ten goddam minutes to kickoff!!!!). Air McNair was banned from working out at team facilities and was subsequently traded to the Ravens for a stack of Ozzie Newsome's old nudie-mags and a fifth of Pepe Lopez.

Dennis Miller might say new QB Vince Young is the most heralded Titan rookie since Prometheus. But he's a dickhead and we don't say stuff like that here at KSK. Look for VY to replace Billy Volek by the time the Titans hit 2-5, if not sooner. The Titans should go ahead and give Young the reins now.

Chris Brown has bitched and moaned about wanting a trade or extension. He will get nothing and like it. Brown, who played like dogshit last year after a promising 2004 season, simply doesn't have the stroke to call the shots. Furthermore, the Titans can't trade Brown when their other options are LenDale the Expectorator and Travis Henry, who last looked good three seasons, one ankle surgery and a drug suspension ago.

All-around badass, Adam "Pacman" Jones returns as the cornerstone of a young up-and-coming defense. Don't let the nerdy nickname fool you, this Pacman gets chased by cops, not ghosts. After vowing to turn over a new leaf this season, Pacman was flagged for taunting Reggie Bush Saturday night. But for all his faults, Jones is fast and, on occasions, can hit hard. Just ask Junior Winslow.

Barring breakout rookie years from both Young and LenDale White, 6-10 looks like the absolute limit for the Titans. Buck up Nash-Vegas faithful, it's been a while since the Music City Miracle, but you have a young team with a bright future. This certainly ain't the year—but at least you will be good by the end of the decade; unlike those miserable bastards the Browns.

16 comments:

apostles03 said...

Listen here, Chumley. We've got to go see Mr. Whoopie !

Rob I said...

I've been trying to decide which AFC team to root for, and if the Titans are good enough for Carrot Top, they're good enough for me.

Joey D said...

Am I the only one who thinks Jeff Fisher and "The Honkey-Tonk Man" are the same person?

BoSox Siobhan said...

I have on good authority that the Titans are the team for me. Wait - I think that may be the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Chris said...

Anyone think Vince will actually do OK?

WaistingCompanyTime6 said...

why did you have to throw that browns cheap shot in there?

Becky said...

One of the few teams that currently make me feel good about being a Lions fan...

FuckingBrian said...

Please, the Texans will get to the playoffs before the Titans. And yes, I am a bitter Houston fan.

Anonymous said...

I think the Titans are going to be better most expect. Im looking at 8-8.

Ernest Givens had a cool-ass end-zone celebration-- he'd do that move where it looked like his whole body was shocked.

Chamomiles Davis said...

Your giving the Titans seven games to get two wins? How generous of you!

The Last Unitard said...

I can't see Vince Young ever being a good NFL quarterback. He's slightly dumber, has a weaker arm, and is slower than Michael Vick.

Christ.. you get 10 points for just spelling your name right on the Wonderlic.

All those rushing yards in college will turn into crushing hits by much faster linebackers in the NFL.

Roy Hobbs said...

Whenever you can, always take the opportunity to throw in a cheap shot at the Browns.

Beban said...

The Sox and Yanks are playing. I don't think you're allowed to write about football for the next few days. In fact, I'm alerting the NSA as we speak.

BigTDog said...

Did Dr. J make Pacman Jones?

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Anonymous said...

yeah, lay off us miserable Browns fans, we ain't any more miserable than the rest of you F'ers!!

Skunkdawg

dusty said...

McNair didn't deserve that kinda treatment..I hate them for that fact alone..farkers.