Better Know A Team: New York Giants

Five Fast Facts About The Giants:
-Newly acquired linebacker Lavar Arrington took nine days to find Giants headquarters because of his steadfast refusal to MapQuest directions.
-Quarterback Eli Manning's father still cuts his food for him.
-Right guard Chris Snee is the father of coach Tom Coughlin's grandson. Coughlin gave his daughter seven months to gestate the child to full term.
-Backup quarterback Tim Hasselbeck is married to one of those retarded slutbags on "The View".
-Fourth-string quarterback Jared Lorenzen washes himself with a rag on a stick.

Ten Yards Of Awkwardness With: Amani Toomer

As part of our 2006 preview, I'll be sitting down and "chatting" with a player from each team. For the Giants, it's starting wideout and constant "Kindergarten Cop" joke victim Amani Toomer.


Big Daddy Drew: Amani, thank for sitting down and talking with us.
Amani Toomer: My pleasure.

Drew: Tiki Barber and his twin brother both married exotic Asian women. Since the Barbers look alike, and since all Asian people look alike, don't you think there's some kind of fucked-up, polyamorous, four-way shit going on there?
Toomer: No.

Drew: How can you tell if Eli Manning is throwing a ball intended for you? That has to be hard to figure out.
Toomer: Eli's very accurate.

Drew: What's it like to hang out with Eli? I imagine it's a lot like playing solitaire.
Toomer: Eli's a cool guy.

Drew: Jeremy Shockey was raised in Oklahoma and went to school at Miami. What's it like to play with someone who is two distinct kinds of retarded?
Toomer: Jeremy is a smart guy.

Drew: Does Michael Strahan keep a camcorder in the locker room? Because I wouldn't shower until he left.
Toomer: No.

Drew: The Giants drafted wideout Sinorice Moss earlier this year. Does the name Sinorice make you want a Twizzler for some reason?
Toomer: No.

Drew: You went to Michigan the same time I was there. How come we never partied, man? I had a fucking Genesis.
Toomer: I didn't know you.

Drew: Save it. What lessons have you tried to teach Plaxico Burress about playing the position, and how long before you gave up in frustration?
Toomer: Plaxico is a hard worker.

Drew: If Eli Manning, his brother, Tiger Woods, and Alex Rodriguez were all in the same room, who would die of boredom first?
Toomer: I don't know.

Drew: The Giants defensive tackles are Fred Robbins and William Joseph. I loved them in Disorderlies. Didn't you?
Toomer: I don't know what you're talking about.

Drew: Would you consider kissing me?
Toomer: No.

Drew: Would you consider replacing Joe Theismann?
Toomer: No.

Drew: Would you consider eating this chicken satay? It's terrific.
Toomer: No.

Drew: Amani, thank you so much for hanging with us.
Toomer: You're welcome.