Sunday, August 13, 2006

CBS Does Something Smart; World Stops Spinning On Axis


This is Eric Dickerson, Hall of Famer and obvious byproduct of an SMU education. From this photo, he may also have played Sam Ace nemesis Jheri Curl in "Hollywood Shuffle." You might remember Eric from his stint on Monday Night Football, where he somehow made the role of sideline reporter seem even more useless.

Well, get ready for an AFC season free of Eric and his ilk, because CBS has decided to get rid of sideline reporters for all of their NFL broadcasts, with a lone exception for the Super Bowl.

You'll have to excuse me for a moment while I pass out and slowly regain consciousness. It's been so long since a sports programming executive has made a logical decision that it's obvious to me that I have fallen into some sort of bizarre new dimension. If anything, I expected CBS to announce that they were using more sideline reporters, or that they had found a way to turn Jim Nantz into even more of an elitist dipshit, or that they decided to let all of Shannon Sharpe's 46 illegitimate children join him in the studio as contributors.

But no, CBS has decided to employ common sense. Which is both shocking and somewhat frightening to me. It's certainly something ESPN would never do. And I can't see FOX giving up on the black hole of aggressive stupidity that is Tony Siragusa ("I don't know about you guys in the booth, but down here on the field it's pretty hot!") It almost gives me hope that the NFL will be presented on television in a sensible, agreeable manner. Almost.

Anyway, guess you'll have to spend this year without shots of Jill Arrington in a tight sweater, or Bonnie Bernstein wearing a Russian fur hat when it's 50 degrees outside. It's a brave new world, one that will be free of questions like:

-"What do you have to do in the second half to get back on track?"
-"Coach, you've gotta be pleased with your running game."
-"What's Fred Taylor's status for the second half?"
-"How do you stop (insert name of passer or runner)?"

I'm not sure how we'll live without those moments of complete and utter inanity. We'll just have to stick it out together.

NOTE: And, considering that a sideline reporter was the inspiration for this very site, this news almost makes me sad. But not really.

15 comments:

BigTDog said...

Oh the irony. "I Just want to kiss you!"

...and thank you for the Hollywood Shuffle reference. Do fitty bullets in yo ass make yo day?

FuckingBrian said...

God had heard my prayers.

flubby said...

Winky Dinky Ho-Cakes. 'Cause ho's gotta eat too!

Beban said...

"Back to you guys up the booth...Forever"

Huck Finn said...

Thank god Armen Keteyan and his ridiculus headphones are gone.

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos said...

No Jill Arrington?
Is there time for the execs to rethink this?

Otto Man said...

Don't cry for Eric Dickerson. He's already dead.

Anonymous said...

Pass that move on over to Jeri. Go curl, go curl, do the jeri curl.

Johnny Cakes but not gay said...

black acting schooooooooool.

I would like to have sexual sexxx with Bonnie Bernstein. She could wear that stupid hat.

Son of Brasky said...

Since it looks like Portis may be out of work for a little while, what say FOX hires him to take Siragusa's place on the sideline. He could be a different character each week.

albaNY Hawker said...

While i agree that the sideline reporter is useless, I'm not in favor of anything that give Sam Ryan less facetime during my NFL broadcasts.

Anonymous said...

I can honestly say I'll watch any sporting event with erin andrews on the sideline.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Andrews

Can we just rotate her between different sports. (ha! rotate!).

Black Velveteen said...

I'll tell you right now, it's a good move. The game is story enough; the broadcasters can do a good enough job of And Sam Ryan will still grace "The NFL Today" with her presence, in addition to the weekend sports at WCBS, so albany hawker's just gonna have to figure out some way to get WCBS on the weekend so he doesn't miss her pretty little face.

Eric said...

Thank God!! Really.

Considering sidleine reporter just feed information to the booth, that could have just been sent up silently by the field producer who REALLY got it...this just cuts out the middle man.

Albeit, usually very attractive ones.

You heard me, Arma...I mean...Bonnie...

Anonymous said...

as long as we find a place for erin andrews to continue to ply her trade (read: show her pretty face and display her perky breasts), kick 'em all off the field. except for dr. jerry punch. it's always nice ot have a man of medicine to report on the flavor of gatorade iowa state prefers for away games...