Tuesday, July 3, 2007

We'll Be Doing A Little Chillaxin' This Week
PLUS: KSK FF Contest Winner

Just as you are, we're gearing up for the holiday that celebrates challenging authority, blowing shit up, and casually neglecting the rights of women. Independence Day is Wednesday, which totally fucks our week, blah blah blah we're gonna be lazy assholes.

We're not posting tomorrow, and we'll be fortunate to get one post up for Thursday and Friday. We don't like it either, but this is how it's going down. Some of us will be out-of-town, or even out-of-country, and you'll have to split time with the people that put up with our shit in real life. When the withdrawal starts to set in, just remember that training camps will open less than three weeks after we come back, and to use lotion. Or sunscreen. Anything with lubricative properties is good.

And, oh yeah, the contest to pick the owner of KSK's 14th fantasy team ended Saturday. We received over 11,000 submissions, give or take. The quality of your work was high, and the debate over who deserved to win was (sort of) intense. In the end, it came down to who we thought would make the best addition to our league. By the end of the contest, we had it narrowed down to four people, and the final decision was not unanimous.

We'll be sharing our favorite submissions with you over the next couple weeks, and you can see what kind of badassery your submission was up against. Plus it helps us keep being lazy. That's a win-win.

The 14th member of the KSK Fantasy Football League is Sarah, better known as commenter/troublemaker SportsGirl365 from the blog Strike Zones and End Zones. In the end, we liked her style, football knowledge, and her ability to deliver (and receive) trash talk.

Please give Sarah your warmest welcome in the comments.

UPDATE: Sarah's submission appears below. I think she's gonna fit right in:

Things I WILL NOT do:

1. Send you naked photos of my tits. They're average at best.

2. Leave stupid and lame comments on any KSK posts related to the league just to have something to say. (I'll leave that to Wormfather, Burnsy, and the like.)

3. Forget to set my lineup, leaving in injured and/or bye week players making a jackass of myself and a mockery of the league.

4. Make idiotic trades just because I'm female.

5. Be afraid to call you out if you make any aforementioned idiotic trade offers.

6. Be a homer and fill my team full of Giants. I don't even want most of them on my team in real life.

Things I WILL do:

1. Send you topless pictures of other girls whose tits are better looking than mine.

2. Make fun of Punter on a weekly basis for entering the Gay Asshat Hot Blogger contest and not making it past the second round.

3. Pay my league fees with a check that won't bounce.

4. Not be offended when, in a fit of rage after getting his ass kicked by me, BDD calls me a two cent cum dumpster.

5. Unapologetically kick everyone's ass.

Attached is a photo because, well, if you're gonna have some pussy in the league she may as well be decent to look at.

Thanks for your time and I look forward to kicking your asses.

Sincerely,

Sarah

Strike Zones and End Zones



97 comments:

Illegal Immigrant said...

OK, let's get this out of the way...how big are her tits and how nice are the nipples?

Unsilent Majority said...

I for one welcome our new sexy overlords

The Kid said...

she clearly showed snatch in the picture cause i assume there were a few topless submissions. if so, i guess she deserves it, filthy skank

Unsilent Majority said...

Now iron my shirt!

My Hero Zero said...

Kudos to Sarah, but I have to admit I'm a bit confused. How does her inclsuion jibe with the 4th of July's celebration of neglecting the rights of women?

throwbot said...

Some of us will be out-of-town, or even out-of-country

Real Americans leave the country on Indepedence Day.

BeaverFever said...

congrats from one of the worst commenters here at KSK. very nice blog and extra points for being a yankee fan. btw, sportsgirl365/sarah i think clemens grew some balls last night (see your june 22 post).

Monday Morning Punter said...

@my hero zero: That's such a good point that it disgusts me.

Rob I said...

Congratulations Sarah with an H.

SportsGirl365 said...

I'd like to thank all of you for sending in shitty submissions. Without you, I would not be here.

Awful Chief said...

Diversity is a fucking bitch. Congrats, sportsgirl365, and best of luck with emasculating the other owners.

The Kid said...

I failed to turn in a submission because (1) i'm in a minimum 3 leagues already (2) i'm not that creative and (3) UM is already in the league so you dont want too many white guys who think they're black in the league

BigRicks said...

Insert 3/5 compromise joke here.

JAMMQ said...

Figures you'd pick a girl because you like the way she "gives" AND "receives."

Gaylords.

grungedave said...

Can I blame this on Title IX, too?

Ken Dynamo said...

can't argue with that finally crafted submission. hopefully sarah's period won't get in the way of her updating her roster.

Grimey said...

What a cum dumpster.

Otto Man said...

I like the way she classily refused to send in a picture of her tits, and then sent in a picture of her pretending to suck off a bottle. A picture that also shows her tits.

Well played, barfly. Well played.

dick_gozinia said...

Suckers. You should've held out for the naked.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Any woman who groups herself into the heading of "some pussy" deserves a spot not only in the league, but probably on Capitol Hill as well.

Also, wasn't "Sarah" a shitty Jefferson Starship song? That's got to count for something.

the great bambi said...

She won't make trades "just because [she] is female" but instead allow the fact that she's a giants/yankees fan play into the equation as well

devang said...

But will she be with the repeated use of the word cunt, as in "that cunt stole my sleeper pick" or "man that cunt is kicking all our asses"?

grungedave said...

based on the picture, I can't resist --

"do you spit or swallow?"
("uhh... whatever you like")
"I would definitely marry you!"



and... Sarah has to name her team "2 cent cum dumpsters" now, right?

Mike Mullen said...

Susan B. Anthony would be so proud of how far women have come.

SportsGirl365 said...

@Devang: I encourage all forms of shit talk

@grungedave: Seriously considering it (both issues)

JAMMQ said...

Ummm . . . aren't there a few things omitted from the list, like:

"Things I WILL NOT do:

7. Make a trade, because I am girl in a fantasy league and too scared that I will be taken advantage of(or possibly the inverse of this, in which I make a ridiculous trade that nobody else would make, just to show I have balls).

8. Start the best possible lineup, because I have no idea what that is unless I look at ESPN for nine hours.

9. Actually win the league.

Things I WILL do:

6. Talk trash from the outset, like evey girl in a fantasy football league everywhere.

7. Become complete silent by Week 6, when my fantasy team is in the tank.

8. Draft Tom Brady two rounds too high.

9. Run every roster move I want to make by my boyfriend, even though he hasn't made the playoffs in his league since 1998.

10. Send in a picture of myself in which I ACTUALLY look like a cum dumpster.

Sincerely,

Sarah

Strike Zones and End Zones"

But seriously, congratulations!

throwbot said...

is that a Giants pendant she's wearing in the picture?

If so, than that's the hottest picture I've ever seen.

SportsGirl365 said...

@throwbot: That it is.

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

So how long is it going to take you guys to get out 11,000+ personalized "thank you" emails?

Or is that a job for the newbie?

BeaverFever said...

is there a yankee pendant or other piece of jewelry located somewhere else ?

SportsGirl365 said...

@beaverfever: Quite possibly...

The Kid said...

I know you guys wont be doing much posting the rest of this week, but on behalf of the group can you try to pull together a commenter draft for friday. personally, its the best hangover cure and probably the only way i am able to get through my fridays

Awful Chief said...

@the kid:
another good hangover cure is to take Friday off and sleep in.

throwbot said...

I like a woman who's a Giants fan.

The Giants' bland, predictable style and general history of uninspring mediocrity, marked by very few high and low points and instead a string of merely "decent" seasons, prepares them well for dating me.

Robert said...

Those fries look like severed fingers...

My Insignificant Life said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phishisgr8 said...

This is utter BULLSHIT. This person gets the spot over me??
What's that? She has a vagina?? She also has breasts?? AND a pierced tongue???

Say no more.

My Insignificant Life said...

@sportsgirl365 - you mention nothing about 'not' compromising your integrity – based on that, you will fit in just fine. Congratulations and watch your back.

grungedave said...

so, hey, where are the naked tits pics of "other" girls Sarah promised?

Some of us will actually be at work the next 4 days (stupid law degree!)... and we need the, um, distraction!

jditsky said...

Oh, to be that bottle, I think I'm in lo.....wait, are those fries on that plate?? mmmmmmm, fries.

The Kid said...

@Awful Chief
Can't take days off, gotta pay for those construda binges

Awful Chief said...

@throwbot:
if uninspired sex with a Giants fan is what you're looking for, I should have my ex-girlfriend get in touch with you.

Peter McSheisty said...

I didnt send in a submission because Im neither clever nor interesting (and Ive never been in a fantasy league of any kind). But I used to live next door to Tony Siragusa and he had a dozen plastic geese lining the front yard and landscaping. Is that good?

jeff2 said...

I bet SportsGirl gives great bottle.

devang said...

@Peter McSheisty

You used to live next to Siragusa in Jersey?

I went to the same HS or the Siragusa brothers

Otto Man said...

Throwbot, if the Giants pendant turns you on, you should immediately head for the exotic confines of the Paramus mall right away. There are probably only 40-50 Jersey mallrats styling those on any given day.

If you want someone a little more traditionally feminine, I think Eli wears one too.

Otto Man said...

I went to the same HS or the Siragusa brothers

Probably hard to tell the difference between a high school building and two Siragusas.

devang said...

@otto man

+1

Gimme a break.

I'm still drunk from my vacation and back at work.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I just want her fries if she's not going to eat them.

And yes, Friday will have the standard draft/cheerleader twin bill.

Also, team previews start next week.

grungedave said...

will the Texans still be included in the previews this year?

BeaverFever said...

@grungedave "and... Sarah has to name her team "2 cent cum dumpsters" now, right?"

i would propose the "69 cent cum dumpsters" as her team name.

Peter McSheisty said...

devang, In Indy, when he played for the Colts.

Awful Chief said...

Also, team previews start next week.
Hopefully the fever blisters have cleared up so you have a better chance of getting to 1st base this year.

HoneyNut said...

Hmmm, a Giants pendant and a pierced tongue? Sounds like Sarah will be ringing in the Fourth at Jenk's in Point Pleasant, or perhaps having her "KSK picked ME" celebration at Hunkabunkas in Sayreville. Smirnoff Ice all 'round!

the chief said...

so to be in the fantasy league all i had to do was lop my wang off? man, if only i hadn't done it on a dare three weeks ago. but a case of zima and my dignity were on the line.

BeaverFever said...

@honeynut

i'm thinking seaside heights with the pierced tongue and giants pendant.

damn, now i want a sub from jersey mike's.

grungedave said...

Zima? Smirnoff Ice? Dammit - the germans were right about us. No wonder the U.S. isn't represented at Beerfest

Otto Man said...

If I'd known what the judges were looking for, I would've sent in a photo of my own.

devang said...

@beaverfever

You'll have to battle the greased up guidos at sleazedside heights to even talk to a halfway decent chick.

Tastee sub >> Jersey Mike's

John Sharkey, Esq. said...

I am drowning my sorrows in a massive, Scarface-style pile of construda. Alas.

Shan said...

mmmmmmm jersey mikes....

devang said...

@otto man

That guys looks like a black version of the retarded kid in something about mary

BeaverFever said...

glads to see a few people here jersey mike's. time for lunch.

Otto Man said...

Actually, I think my guy ate that kid too.

Speaking of Warren from "TSAM," did you know that the same actor who played him went on to play the
roughneck Dan Dority on "Deadwood"? W. Earl Brown.

"Franks and beans, cocksucker! Franks and beans!"

Peter McSheisty said...

@Otto Man

Gold

Bloof said...

.....BONER!

Vanilla said...

And there's my new screensaver.

miamidiesel said...

Glad to see a Jersey girl (and Giants fan) get into the league... and bonus points if she's capable of the "swirly move"....

@devang: not that there's a shortage of awesome sandwich places in Jersey, but you ever been to Hoagie Haven in Princeton? de-fucking-licious... also, which Tastee's are you talking about, the one on Rt 27 in New Brunswick, or the one behind the federal courthouse in Newark? Both are great, but if you've never been to the one in Newark, you don't know what you're missing out...

10th day in Hong Kong, 10th night working past midnight local time... this fucking B-LOWS... thankfully training camps will be open by the time I get home...

Burnsy said...

Congrats, SportsGirl365.

Wait, that's not the C word I wanted to use.

Becky said...

God, and I had a whole different intriguing bottle shot planned, but ran out of time. Damn union contractors.

larry burns said...

@ the kid

Ditto

4. im lazy

Zach said...

I think she should get to screw her choice of the KSK dickweeds.

Zach said...

if she wins, I mean. or loses?

JMP said...

Yeah well, I'm gonna go start my own fantasy football league.

With blackjack!

And hookers!

denvergodfather said...

Off topic but, do beckys pictures keep getting hotter and hotter

big skinny said...

Is there an over/under on Sarah's win total? I know I'm not the only degenerate gambler looking for some kind of football fix.

zigga plz said...

Solid 7

grungedave said...

@big skinny

depends... do they play a 13 or 14 game season? Are we counting playoff games in the victory total?

and what's with this site's fascination with girls named "Sarah" (Spain, Shahi, and whatever SportsGirl's last name is...)

Otto Man said...

and what's with this site's fascination with girls named "Sarah"

I heard that Captain Caveman's a big fan of the Hall & Oates crapterpiece "Sara Smile."

TheNaturalMevs said...

She's a cutie patuti. With a tongue ring.

Jordan Ginsberg said...

This is probably a blessing in disguise; now I've got more than enough time to dedicate to Little Green Footballs' Fantasy NASCAR league. Good game.

JAMMQ said...

I'm definitely in on any over/under pool.

I would say the number right now is tentatively at +/-5. Subject to change post-draft.

Maybe we can get Daulerio in on this.

(I think CC had his fill of girls named Sarah after he went down to Miami for Spain, and she picked someone else to win her contest.

Way to hold true to your principles, Ufford. I heard she didn't pick you because you wouldn't kiss her ass, only oggle her tits). Good man.

Otto Man said...

Little Green Footballs' Fantasy NASCAR league

That's still on? I heard the league fell apart when they all denounced left turns as a sign of surrender to the gay Mexican Islamofascist hordes who want to steal our precious bodily fluids.

Jordan Ginsberg said...

It was a close call, but in the end they decided to stay the course and not kowtow to the swinish liberal Jew-run media. Also, the fundraiser to build a wall keep out the black Canadian F1 driver is still on, if you're interested.

Otto Man said...

I didn't realize the High Command had authorized Operation: Great White North. I thought his mom was going to make him clean up the basement first.

To the ramparts!

Ron said...

A little late here...but.. Becky, there's still time to enter MY fantasy league. Send those pics asap!

twoeightnine said...

2 cents? I'd pay at least a quarter.

Grimey said...

"Excuse me, do you happen to have change of a dollar? All I've got are these damn Nepalese coins...."

Slash said...

Nice tongue action.

And I'd also like to throw my support behind "2 Cent Cum Dumpsters" for the naming. Technically, it could apply to males or females, so it's not really sexist.

RE Jersey Mike's: they have them down here (DFW) too, if this is the same place mentioned by a few others. They're fuckin' awesome. So thanks, Jersey.
This almost makes up for Bon Jovi. Almost.

bloodyhandedgod said...

Congrats sg365.

*ponders how to get pic of girl for any future submissions*

TheStarterWife said...

From one Sarah to another, congratualtions. I hope you kick them them all in their collective 'nads.

bloodyhandedgod said...

Wow. Quite the list of people in the league that I got from her website.

No disrespect intended at all to sg365. Her post made me laugh. She certainly seems to have the stones to play with the boys.

But it seems like a bit of a blogoff. Everyone needing some sort of celebrity to make the cut.

Rick Muscles said...

I wonder if sportsgirl365 is her aol screen name from 1996. If she used that in teen chat back in the day that is fucking awesome. 25/M/AL

The Hater said...

I don't know guys, I just don't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Ryan said...

How much does it suck to have to kiss up to sweaty fantasy bitches?
The internet, exclusive since 2007.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Glad to see you're a fan of Euge Groove. Or am I reading into the title a bit too much?

Wormfather said...

Now seriously, was the personal dig necissary?

probably