Thursday, July 12, 2007

Nation of Islam Sportsblog wants fantasy league berth, bean pie...


It's a pretty quiet morning at KSK World Headquarters. Punter and Ufford are on gaycation, Ape and Jean Grey are enjoying a two-for-one flea dip, and the Maj is "too hungover to breathe."

That provides ample excuse to present one of the finalists from our recent contest for the final spot in the KSK Keeper League. This fearsome salvo comes from the potentates of Blogfrica, the Nation of Islam Sportsblog. Maj loves these guys, but their rigid insistence can be a little, gulp, intimidating:

Sirs,

Your roster of already accepted entries into your "league" is quite a list of talent, insight and blogging presence.

It also reads as tho it were written with chlorox on white toilet paper.

We refuse to dance like an organ grinder's monkey for you by submitting an "entry" for you to post on your site. The white man has used our talent for his personal gain and as a substitute for his lethargic and lazy nature for centuries. We resoundingly reject this attempt to have us provide the material for future posts to help buoy your sinking "blog".

What we will do is this:

We demand acceptance into your league. We demand that you integrate your league with full representation of the microcosm of OUR nation.

We make these demands, respectfully. But forcefully. And they are levied with the full backing of Rainbow/PUSH, OUR nation and the United Negro College Fund.

Not including us would be akin to your willfully signing the death certificate of your "blog". OUR support is limitless. OUR devotion is tireless. OUR righteousness is uncompromising.

Remember, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

This is YOUR opportunity to be environmentally friendly.

Submitted with militant exuberance and the minimum acceptable appropriate level of respect,

NOISb

Allahu Akhbar


We felt duly chagrined by NOISb's admonition, but still went another direction for the winner. We couldn't bear the thought of spending an entire season being lectured to by these guys. We'll keep reading them though.


[Update: "Oh, you were finished?... Oh, well, then allow me to retort."]

72 comments:

Otto Man said...

"Would you like a bean pie, my brother?"
"No thanks."
"How about a soda?"
"Sure. ... Ew! What is this?"
"Bean soda."

Unsilent Majority said...

This can't help my chances of being named ambassador to Blogfrica.

Otto Man said...

You might try applying for the post in Bulungi. I hear that's pretty easy to land.

oldefreddjung said...

wait a minute...the Nation of Islam guys are BLACK?????

Jackin'4Beats said...

So MAJ...does your undying support of NOIS make you a Jewish/Muslim? That's really got to be conflicting on so many different levels.

He'brew or Bean Pie
Yamaca or Bow Tie
Jerusalem or Jerusalem

Well, you get the point.

NOIS - For your next entry, can you do an interview with Brother J?

Malcom Hex said...

"For your next entry, can you do an interview with Brother J? "

who's brother j???

Brother Joshua said...

me?

John S. said...

Perhaps the NOISb author can explain to me when "articulate" became an insulting way of referring to someone?

miamidiesel said...

The white man has used our talent for his personal gain and as a substitute for his lethargic and lazy nature for centuries.

Wow, talk about a case of the pot calling the kettle black...

Unsilent Majority said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO1RMRpMa3I&mode=related&search=

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"Perhaps the NOISb author can explain to me when "articulate" became an insulting way of referring to someone?"

Sir, if I understood the question, I would.

Jackin'4Beats said...

who's brother j???

Grand Verbalizer Funkin' Lesson Brother J

He's the one at the top. I know I'm dating myself, what the hell.

Johnny Cockring said...

'Sir, if I understood the question, I would.'

NOISb, I am continually amazed at your ability to string words together into sentences. How far we have come.

John S. said...

@NOISb

I will explain by way of anecdote:

I was working for the City of Newark as an Asst. Corporation Counsel and I asked if one of the witnesses I was going to bring to the stand was "informed about the subject matter" (reply was yes) and, then, asked if he was "articulate". Mind you, I had no idea what race this witness was. After I asked the second question, I was informed that my question was "improper" and I should think about what I was asking before I asked it.

It has been six years now and I am still wondering what I did wrong.

Awful Chief said...

@john s.:
I asked if one of the witnesses I was going to bring to the stand was "informed about the subject matter" (reply was yes) and, then, asked if he was "articulate".

I'm confused. If it was a witness you were bringing to the stand, wouldn't you know these answers, or was this before you had met this witness? And suppose the witness was informed but not articulate? Would you not put him/her on the stand because of this?

The Pirate Sloth said...

"It's a trap!"

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

@john s

"I will explain by way of anecdote:"

Sir, I just have to ask...your initial comment about NOISb explaining when articulate became an insult was related to something that happened in your past...that NOISb knows nothing about?

Chris said...

When I'm ready I'm going to rip out his heart and feed it to him. My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah

Johnny Cockring said...

Dear john s.,

Is Chewbacca a wookie?

John S. said...

@NOISb

uhhhh.... wha- wha- what?

To answer your question: yes, I became informed that "articulate" was, somehow, an insult, by way of something that happened to me in real life.

However, I have no idea what your lack of personal knowledge of the event has to do with whether or not you could explain it to me.

If personal, first hand knowledge of an event was a prerequisite to understanding the nature of the event itself, well, all of us would have to have been alive in 1804 to understand the significance of the phrase "...to the shores of Tripoli" or actually have been on the surface of the Sun to discuss how hot it was, etc. etc. etc.

Tell you what... we'll just drop it.

John S. said...

@johnny

"If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests."

Jackin'4Beats said...

+1 chris

That is still funny no matter how many times I watch it. Can someone just tell Iron Mike that the folks in Bollywood aren't going to accept him no matter what he wants to "do"?

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

@ john s

"However, I have no idea what your lack of personal knowledge of the event has to do with whether or not you could explain it to me."

Sir, it relates to the fact that your initial comment here had zero context to draw on....that's all.

ie, when you asked when did articulate become an insult...I had no clue what you were talking about.

On ward to the answer to your question...

Articulate becomes an insult when it is meant as an insult.

Wormfather said...

@Jackin

you're my hero, I thought I was alone in my knowlage of He'brew...the chosen beer.

We'll have to kick back and have a Messiah Gold sometime.

And to NOISb...keep the dream alive

PeteJayhawk said...

Annnnddddd let's go ahead and add john s. to the NOISb victim list.

John S. said...

@NOISb

Perhaps I am mistaken. Have you ever seek Clerks II? You know that scene when Randall finds out that "Porchmonkey" is a racial slur? That is how I felt about my incident concerning "articulate." It was something that was, apparently, wide-spread that I had no idea about.

However, perhaps it is not as widespread as I had been led to believe. That would come as a relief to me.

Wormfather said...

Hmmmmm, do I smell a RaFaWa on the grill?

John S. said...

regarding you rebuttal that "articulate is an insult when it is meant as an insult"...

By your explanation, the speakers subjective intent is the key factor in determining whether or not something is an insult.

However, this can clearly not be the case since, as explained in my hypothetical, I did not mean it as an insult, but, it was taken as one.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"all of us would have to have been alive in 1804 to understand the significance of the phrase "...to the shores of Tripoli""

Sir, the reality is, unless one has crossed the parade deck at MCRD Parris Island or San Diego (or gone to OCS), one doesn't have a TRUE understanding of the significance.

Semper Fi.

John S. said...

No racial flame war here at all.

I am just trying to find an answer to a very paticular question that I can not ask in police circles.

Johnny Cockring said...

Dear john,

Joe Biden scoffs at your obliviousness.

Wormfather said...

Let me chime in then John...

Articulate is an insult whent he person givng the "compliment", gives it as if they are suprised to hear them speak clearly.

Kind of like if you're date said, "You're so clean."

Having been the victim of both...

John S. said...

NOISb

Well, I guess I do not know the meaning then...

"Rangers Lead the Way"

Again, I don't want anyone to misconstrue what I am saying to be anything remotely close to race baiting. I really just want to know what I did wrong.

The Kid said...

what the fuck is going on here? i feel like im reading a court transcript or some shit

devang said...

flubby, look what you started.

John S. said...

wormfather

I understand that. I can see how, if stated in a "nice little boy who knows how to speak properly" tone how it would be enraging.

However, I was led to believe that the word itself, without condescension, is a "show-stopping" word. Kind of like a second cousin, twice removed, of the "N-word".

I have always hoped I was wrong about this, and, seemingly I was. I am happy for that.

Chris said...

I came for the construda and dick jokes, what the hell happened?

Unsilent Majority said...

Has anyone seen Dave the Wave and Zeke?

devang said...

kid,

you're gonna have to wait a while for your dick jokes

Unsilent Majority said...

I'm a huge He'Brew fan

...even though i had the idea a year before they went into business.

The Kid said...

the past hour has basically been an unfunny, intellectual south park episode

Wormfather said...

It's the ignorance of the "complimentor" that makes it insulting (although condescension can also be effective).

I refer to the Chris Rock line.

"They said Colon Powel is well spoken and articulate. He's an educated man, what did they expect him to sound like?"

Wormfather said...

The funny part about hebrew is that if I remember correctly, it's not kosher. Drinking it makes me feel anti-semetic.

devang said...

speaking of beers. UM, I just found a bottle of the Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA. I'm saving that shit until next year when I get my masters. BTW, I love the 90 minute IPA.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"Has anyone seen Dave the Wave and Zeke? "

They come here, too?????

John S. said...

wormfather

I am with you on this one. I really am.

But, my question still stands, is "articulate" a word that, aside from any sort of ignorance or derision, is insulting? Or, does it need context in order for it to be so?

Johnny Cockring said...

I tried to help the man out with the Joe Biden shit, but apparently his computer don't work with Google...

how 'bout this: It's like when you're girlfriend said: 'oh, it's not that small.'

twoeightnine said...

Why would you save it for a year? It's not too hard to buy a new bottle.

John S. said...

@johnny

...or like when my wife's OB-GYN called me "The Shredder"?

Wormfather said...

The only people who are allowed to use the word articulate:

English Teachers
Your Parents (when describing their kids)
Yourself (when describing yourself)
Spelling Bee word givers.

Heck most HR companies wont use it anymore, instead they go with Communicator, ie white.

LOL

John S. said...

wormfather...

I see.

Your explanation of the subject was very... ummm... errr...

Wormfather said...

Just once more...when is the word articulate used regarding a person who for all knowlage of who/what they are, shouldnt be articulate anyway.

the butler said...

I just forgot where I was for a second...

Johnny Cockring said...

@butler

somehow it's not as fun over here

the butler said...

"not as fun"

I definitely wouldn't say that...but then again I'm afraid to say anything that might cause my boy Tariq to unleash his righteousness upon my head.

devang said...

@289. I don't know. I want it to mature for a little while and let the hops do their thing.

Johnny Cockring said...

offereing 'hints from heloise on race relations'?- not why i come to ksk

construda and dick jokes ?- exactly, mr. the kid, exactly

Wormfather said...

OH no, my company just blocked KSK (Adult Content), they even got to my proxy server.

Ladies and gentlemen. "Today, is a day, that shall live in infamy."

Big Daddy Drew said...

People who take NOISB seriously only serve to further prove that blog's genius.

John S. said...

You mean to tell me he is not a militant member of the Nation of Islam who opines about sporting events?

Dave the Wave said...

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

KSK, you made the right choice!

now, remove nois from your blog roll, and you guys will be PERFECT.

gymclassheroes said...

Good LAWD...

Reading most of these comments is akin to watching a retard jump rope...

At first it's funny, but by the end it's just...SAD.

Unsilent Majority said...

dave the wave- you are fucking retarded. please move to texas and commit a crime so they will execute you.

Big Daddy Drew said...

dave the wave, you might be the dumbest commenter we have ever had. And that's saying a lot.

John S. said...

Id.

Wormfather said...

@BBD

I take offense to that.

/cry

Dave the Wave said...

" the dumbest commenter we have ever had. And that's saying a lot. "

no kidding.

Johnny Cockring said...

@BDD

some folk too dense to realize your last 2 comments were related







wv: gjdtmaux - which is how you pronounce 'Guantanamo' with a rolled-up sweatsock in your mouth

Jackin'4Beats said...

@wormfather

I can't completely take credit for knowing about He'brew. I remembered it from our Friday commenter draft on the best beers from awhile back. But I figured that no one would complain about some non-kosher beer that's catered to the kosher-buying public...unless it tastes like cold matzoh ball soup.

Anyway, looks like Clint was reincarnated as dtw. What a shame...At least we can take comfort in the fact that he might eliminate himself from the gene pool in some freakish accident involving stock cars, King Cobra and a 12 year old female cousin.

Wormfather said...

Cousin? You mean Aunt Mom.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Goddammit flubby.
Posting this brought in the idiot NOIS commenters, who prove to me every day that white poeple are fucking retarded.

The Pirate Sloth said...

How in the world did you people miss my Admiral Ackbar refernece? Come on now... brining in a court case and what not.