Five Fast Facts About The Browns:
-Braylon Edwards' AOL away message permanently set to "knot livin up to expeKtationz! LOLLERCOPTERZ!"
-Kellen Winslow Jr., like all true soldiers, is a big King of Queens fan. Hopefully he'll get the military discount when he sees Kevin James in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" on opening day.
-Now that Jamal Lewis has left Baltimore, he's given up distributing cocaine, only because Cleveland citizens prefer to have their bleak existence straight up.
-Ted Washington still upset he didn't receive Unicron role in new Transformers movie. Unicron upset that it takes him years to float from one end of Ted Washington's gut to the other.
-If head coach Romeo Crennel doesn't work out, there are still at least two Battletoads left.
Projected 2007 Record:
5-11, 4th in AFC North
Actual 2007 Record:
6-10, 4th in AFC North (such overachievers)
Wizznutzz explained much about the small hamlet the Browns call home in its whimsical telling of the family fable of Shitsy Spitsy. Cleveland is a dour place, they said,"passed over by travelers and passed over by history."
It is also an austere place, with its homely Harvey Pekars, Drew Careys and Harlan Ellisons. How happy these humble toilers must have been when Brady Quinn was wished into existence by an 8-year-old gay boy named Shannon and swept into town on a prismatic beam of light and Joe Thomas' fishing boat.
If you're a regular reader of this of any other sports blog, you're more than aware of the swishifying exploits of a certain former Notre Dame quarterback who stole our hearts with his grabasstic and grabballstic ways. Rather than expound further upon such photos - there's bound to be another in a few
days hours - we'd like to show Brady what's in store for him, y'know, other than galleries of photos of him posing buoyantly in compromising positions. Because, after all, the Village People costumes will all be well and good until Week 7, when the Browns, then 1-5, turn around in the shower and hand the reins to Brady Quinn.
Grab a pantful of those Cleveland rocks, Mr. Quinn.