Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Brokeback Namath


Seriously, man. I am the biggest g0ddamn gossip hound you ever saw. I just love Hollywood news. I follow it religiously because I have to be in tune with the "industry." If some starlet with lots of money and no real frame of reference on life breaks up with some fuckhead lead singer for some edgy band that I've never heard of, then I want the fucking SCOOP! And if there was an ice cream flavor named Maggie Gyllenhaal, you can bet your sweet ass that I'd...I don't really have an ending for that. But if I coulda worked in a callback with "scoop," it probably woulda been pretty awesome. Whoa.

No, so anyway, Baltimoresun.com is reporting that Maggie's brother, Joey Gyllenhaal is first in line to play the lead in a motion picture about Joe Namath's life. You might remember Jack from that gay cowboy movie that was up for a bunch of awards a couple years ago, but it lost the Best Picture Oscar to that one movie where Matt Damon fingers that one chick during that traffic stop. But then, like she saw some dog in the road and flipped her SUV and so he had to rescue her from that burning car, so everything was cool after that.

But seriously, Fred Gyllenhaal is an amazing actor, and I'm sure this movie is going to be the bee's elbow. I mean, it's Joe Namath! I just hope that he gets that part locked up, and that he doesn't end up on one of those horrible Hollywood magazine shows with a DUI or something. Man, I'm glad this kinda stuff doesn't happen in sports.

26 comments:

David said...

I will watch this if Maggie Gylenhall plays Suzy Kolber. Topless. Otherwise; m-e-h. Meh.

Christmas Ape said...

If Maggie Gyllenhaal topless is what ye seeks, find a copy of Sherrybaby/ I'm pretty sure she's nekkid half that movie.

Pemulis said...

she's naked in secretary... but still... she kind of looks like jake (thurman merman?) with a wig on... but if LiLo plays SK's naked vag i'll go see it.

/drunk post

Otto Man said...

Pfft. Give me Johnny Unitas. That man had a haircut you could set your watch to.

As long as I'm cribbing the Simpsons -- just saw the movie, and it's perfectly cromulent. More than cromulent, even. Go.

Otto Man said...

I will watch this if Maggie Gylenhall plays Suzy Kolber. Topless. Otherwise; m-e-h. Meh.

Yeah, I'd like to see Jake make out with his sister too.

Wait, what?

Rick Muscles said...

I think i just threw up in my mouth. They'll piss me off with their depiction of the Bear. A man no one should impersonate, because he was the greatest coach in the history of football. Gyllenhall is gonna piss me off on in movie T Town. I hope they guy who plays Bear is a method actor, so instiinct will kick in and beat Gyllehall's ass.

smeos said...

I don't even know why people even bother to make football movies after 'The Last Boyscout'. All the Super Bowl guarantees in the world can't compete with Billy Blanks going apeshit on the field.

Fastness said...

"but it lost the Best Picture Oscar to that one movie where Matt Damon fingers that one chick during that traffic stop."

MATT DILLON!

John said...

jackie harvey? is that you?

TheAntiFollicle said...

@ fastness

I think u missed something here

Rob I said...

Jack Gyllenhaal gives me vapor lock in my nether regions.

Monday Morning Punter said...

@fastness: what?

Josh Drimmer said...

shame, because the actor intended to play joe namath at his drunken low isn't with us any more.

that actor was lee marvin.

and now let me stare at maggie for about an hour. mmm.

Biggus Rickus said...

Can you be a scientologist and still engage in incest? I mean, those aliens inhabiting their bodies weren't related were they?

Jarrett Carter said...

Way to scoop me on Baltimore related topics. Damn wedding hangover.

Wait. Considering that TBL lamely requests registration, you're my only friends now...

I take it back. I love you.

ColeTrain said...

Varsity Blues

Best... football... movie... ever...

LadyAndrea said...

I need to start using "the bee's elbow" in conversation.

Maggie Gyllenhal is awesome. Secretary was hot.

Chris said...

Best football movie ever?

All the Right Moves - Great football plus you get to see Lea Thompson's boobies

surt2k said...

Best football movie ever?

I would have to vote for North Dallas Forty.
Hasn't aged well, but neither have I.

H.N.I.C. said...

Fastness, slow down dude, relax.

Best football movie ever, Pride w/ Terrance Howard & Bernie Mac. Shit was the bees ankles.

John S. said...

"The Replacements" was the bee's swloen prostate

John S. said...

and... ONCE AGAIN.. our hero finds himself in desperate need of a spell check.

Jackin'4Beats said...

I'll vote for The Last Boy Scout because:

1) Billy Blanks shoots like 5 defenders on his way to the endzone before capping himself.

2) Halle Berry gets sprayed like 5 minutes into the movie when it was assumed she was a main character. The crazy bullets finally got her.

HAHAHA

skipper said...

Matt Dillon was the character that Steve Perry played on Beverly Hills: The Real Orange County.

Surprised you didn't know that, fastness.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Maybe he was referring to this Matt Dillon?

Or not?

Fastness said...

Yes, I'm a glancing-over-not-reading-the-entire-body-of-work idiot. Thanks to those who called me out.