Friday, May 11, 2007

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Desert Island Simpsons Episodes


I don’t watch “The Simpsons” as much as I used to, although last week’s episode was easily one of the best I’ve seen in the past 5 years, if not longer. But it’s no secret that every member of the Gay Mafia is a card-carrying Simpsons geek. Hell, Christmas Ape barely acknowledges anything that comes in three dimensions. Fuck, if you’ve never watched “The Simpsons”, then you have absolutely no business trying to make jokes (though Jimmy Kimmel will certainly hire you for a brief period).

We had a brief rundown yesterday of our favorite episodes, and no two answers were alike. So we thought we’d open today’s draft up to you, considering the show hits its 400th episode on Sunday night. These are the episodes of the show you’d want with you if you were trapped on a desert island (with a functioning DVD player and electrical power generator). The rules, as always: Pick only one episode, and once you pick, you must wait ten choices until you get to pick again. Oh, and be sure to include favorite quotes as well.

My favorite:

“Last Exit To Springfield.”

Honestly it’s fucking flawless. Even with Lisa’s singing. Want some examples?

“Dental plan!”
“Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?”
“I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.”
“Don Homer, I make a special donut for a you.”

Sheer brilliance. Yours in the comments.

245 comments:

Pemulis said...

You Only Move Twice - Hank Scorpio. you ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?

bilo said...

The Stonecutters

Critical Mass said...

Monorail! Monorail! Monoraaaaaail!

Otto Man said...

Since Drew grabbed my all-time favorite, I'll take "Rosebud."

"Lobo, Lobo! Bring back Sheriff Lobo!"

John said...

The Mysterious Voyage of Homer (Chili Cook Off)

Too many quotes to pick just one.


Lenny: (after Homer brandishes his spoon) They say he carved it himself... from a bigger spoon.

Homer: Man, this is crazy. I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Homer: Note to self: stop doing anything.

Moe: I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.

Captain Caveman said...

Treehouse of Horrors V:

Time Traveling Toaster, The Shinning, and Nightmare Cafeteria

Big Daddy Drew said...

The Johnny Cash episode? That's an awful pick.

fiveoneeight said...

$pringfield (Mr. Burn's Casino), for Otto knocking Gerry Cooney out in one punch alone.

Warren said...

Homer the Clown - Greatest episode of them all. "I'm seein' double here, four Krustys" "Clown College, you can't eat that." "That's it, you people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to Clown College!"I thought the General's were due! He's spinning the ball on his finer! Just take it, take the ball!"

SteveJeltzFan said...

Homerpalooza.
Best one that's not yet taken

Otto Man said...

The chili episode? That's like taking Vanderjagt.

miamidiesel said...

Bart vs. Australia

Aussie: That's not a knoife, this is a knoife.
Bart: That's actually a spoon.
Aussie: I see you've played knoifie-spoonie before..."

Marge: I'd like a coffee.
Aussie Bartender: Beer?
Marge: No, coffee.
Aussie Bartender: Beer?
Marge: No, coffee. C-O-F-.
Aussie Bartender: Beer. B-E-...

flubby said...

No way Drew, the Space Coyote episode owns.


"Don't quit your day job, chief. Whatever that is."

"Less artsy, more fartsy."

Chief said...

Homer Goes to College

'There are two kinds of college students: jocks and nerds. As a Jock its my duty to give the nerds a hard time.'

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5Zaq9urn2QE

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pyh5uhKHJJ0

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_1T1XYsE6is

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IV06DrAules

Big Daddy Drew said...

"Homer and Apu"

A jittery eskimo firefighter?

Otto Man said...

I was hoping the college episode would slide to the second round. I'll go with the hockey episode of "Lisa on Ice"

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard. Hack the bone! Hack the bone!"

"Mr. Honeybunny! You inhuman monster."

"But Blanche, you gotta help me out here, please! I'm 64 grand in the hole! They're going to take my thumbs!"

"It's your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise; the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!"

Chris said...

"Flaming Moe's"

After having sex with Moe, the waitress says: "I was just thinking about Homer Simpson." And Moe replies: "That's OK, I was just thinking about Sybil Danning".

Classic

Josh said...

KING-SIZE HOMER!

Nick: Well...be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use poptarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon, heh...

Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!

Dr. Nick: Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?

PLUS THE DRINKING BIRD.

the blogmaster said...

Bart Gets an Elephant

Homer: guess it wouldn't be right to sell Stampy after he saved my
life. And the boy seems to have some sort of relationship with him.

Bart: Thanks, Dad.

Homer: On the other hand, who's to say what's right these days, what
with all our modern ideas...and products?

Pemulis said...

Max Power!

Sean said...

Lisa the Tree Hugger.

Homer: Have a good time at your hippie club.
Lisa: You're welcome to come, too.
Homer: No, I like to save the environment my own way. (drives in circles) Mmm ... donuts

Orson Swindle said...

"Missionary Impossible." Homer pledges 10 grand to save "Do Shut Up," his favorite Britcom, and winds up running off to an island to be a missionary when Lovejoy shelters him in the church.

This episode gets the nod for the following reasons:

1. Oscar the grouch is thrown through a stained glass window, can and all.

2. Homer destroys a primitive culture by introducing gambling.

3. Homer says "Help me Jeebus."

4. Homer licks toads and trips balls through the first ten minutes of the episode.

For short punch: "In Marge We Trust." It's the one with the Mr. Sparkle ad at the end. I have never laughed harder, not even at the "Standing Outside the Fire" video by Garth Brooks.

Peter McSheisty said...

This is a reach pick for a first rounder since it came in the 16th season but I cant let it slip away. Im going to go with Midnight Rx (Candadian drugs). The scene where Apu drinks the hot coffee while trying to cross the border.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5pPqbKIBYe4

Also the scene where they are all bouncing around in slow motion, with pills everywhere, to Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit". Classic.

Tom said...

Springfield film festival, with Barney's short film:

Barney: My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a girl scout meeting...
Barney: Is it? Or are you girls just afraid to admit you have a problem?

Captain Caveman said...

WHO SHOT BURNS PART ONE

"One of those guitars that are like double guitars, you know?"

Redhead said...

Bart the Daredevil - kills me every time.

Ladies and gentleman, and especially little children. I'm glad you're all here to witness what may very well be my grisly death.
Captain Lance Murdoch

Pemulis said...

http://www.snpp.com/episodes/AABF09

the max power ep is called "Homer To The Max"

Homer: Wow. They captured my personality perfectly! Did you see
the way Daddy caught that bullet?
Lisa: That's not really you, Dad, he's just a fictional character
who happens to have the same name.
Homer: [long pause] Don't confuse Daddy, Lisa.
Marge: Homer, it's just a coincidence. Like that guy named Anthony
Michael Hall who stole your car stereo?
Bart: Right ... coincidence.

Big Daddy Drew said...

"Homer: Bad Man"

Mmmm.... gummy Venus.

Otto Man said...

Radioactive Man

"My eyes! Zee goggles -- zey do nuthink!"

"William Faulkner could write an exhaust pipe gag that would really make you think."

Plus, the campy 60s TV show, with Paul Lynde as the super-villain The Scoutmaster. "Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys!"

Ben Conant said...

22 Short Films about Springfield.

Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day?
In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your
kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.

miamidiesel said...

Homer's Phobia -- the one where Homer thinks Bart might be gay

Homer: Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod! Oh my god! I danced with a gay! Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone. [shaking Lisa] Promise me!!
Marge: You're being ridiculous.
Homer: Am I, Marge? Am I? Think of the property values. Now we can never say only straight people have been in this house.
Marge: I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us all out for a drive today, and we're going.
Homer: Woah-ho-ho, not me! And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. He should at least have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's... that way.
Marge: What on Earth are you talking about?
Homer: You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals fa-laming

Nacho Friendly said...

I'm taking Homer smokes weed.

Also, Big Daddy Drew, can we get a transcript of Grossman visiting Tank in the slammer?

VicariousLee said...

The Super Bowl episode with the "Up With Everything" halftime show.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, today we pay tribute to the world's greatest hemisphere - the WESTERN hemisphere"

Chris said...

"Itchy & Scratchy Land"

"We need more Bort lisence plates in the gift shop! I repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates!"

"Cool! Personalized plates! Barclay, Barry, Barry, Bert, Bort...come on...Bort?"

"Mommy mommy! Buy me a license plate!"

"No! Come along Bort!"

"Are you talking to me?"

"No, my son's name is also Bort"


My favorite episode of all time. I can't believe it hasn't been picked up yet.

fiveoneeight said...

Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badassss Song (Skinner gets fired) -

"There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!"

devang said...

Appu's wedding when Homer runs around with the Ganesha head

Unsilent Majority said...

Chris, that was my selection when we first started tossing this around. Great pick.

Ben Conant said...

Damn it i panicked, and i wasn't paying attention during the combine. How did i not pick the phish episode?

Redhead said...

Homer at the Bat

Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules.
You can't leave first until you chug a beer.
Any man scoring has to chug a berr.
You have to chug a beer a the top of all odd-numbered innings.
Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Cheif Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball.

Chief said...

HOORAY For Everything

Otto Man said...

Dammit, Chris. I thought Itchy and Scratchyland would slip a little.

I'll grab "Lisa the Vegetarian"

"Surely you don't expect us to swallow that tripe?"
"And now from our friends at the Beef Council, this free tripe!"

"When I go to college, I'm going to Bovine University!"

"Who wants gazpacho? It's tomato soup, served ice cold!"
"Boo! Go back to Massachusetts!"

Tom said...

WHACKING DAY!

so many quotes...

"Did you bring the Pre-Whacked snakes?"
"Gentlemen, start your whacking!"
and, my favorite,
Ach du lieber! Das is nicht eine Booby!

the butler said...

"Seven-Beer Snitch"

"I'll never pass with this...I better switch samples..."

devang said...

Also, dailymotion has pretty much all the episodes.

Big Daddy Drew said...

"Two Dozen and One Grey Hounds"

See this hat? Twas my cat!

Peter McSheisty said...

Mr. Plow

Quimby: (holding key to the city) These look like teeth marks.

Homer: I thought there was chocolate inside.... Well why was it wrapped in foil?

Quimby: It was never wrapped in foil!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=msqnB1wLVlI

Pemulis said...

Deep Space Homer


Reporter: Uh, question for the barbeque chef. Don't you think there is
an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into
space?
Homer: I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to
[ominous] that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute...
Statue of Liberty...that was _our_ planet! You maniacs! You
blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell! [weeps]
Barney: [burps] Oh -- [falls over]
Scientist: Thank you, that's all we have time for.

Chris said...

Great pick redhead.

"Boggs, I thought I told you to cut those sideburns!!"

Josh said...

one of my favorites, the underrated "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo."

A'knife goes in, a'guts come out! That's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about!

Big Daddy Drew said...

Fuck, I should've taken Mr. Plow ages ago.

Peter McSheisty said...

@ben conant

great pick. that aurora borealis scene gets me everytime.

You steam a mean ham.

miamidiesel said...

Simpson Tide - Homer, Barney, Apu, and Moe join the naval reserve

"It's my first day"

"Quack quack quack" [penguins start clapping and jump off the SS Antarctica

nathan said...

the one where Homer body doubles for Krusty. hands down.

Ben Conant said...

A Fish Called Selma

Can't go wrong with a Troy McClure-centric episode, plus "Stop The Planet OF The Apes I Wanna Get Off."

Otto Man said...

"Cape Feare"

I can't believe this is the first Sideshow Bob appearance.

Sean said...

Nice,

Home vs. the 18th Amendment:

"To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all life's problems"

and

Rex Banner: (Grabbing Ned Flanders) Are you the Beer Baron?
Ned Flanders: Well, if you're talking about root beer, then I'm guilt-diddily-ilty as char-diddily-arged.
Rex Banner: (to other cops) He's not the Beer Baron, but he sounds drunk; take him in.

Pemulis said...

The City of New York Vs. Homer Simpson

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice...

chunk said...

Uncle Moe's

Moe "this is a navy deep frier, it'll flash fry a side of beef in 90 seconds"

Homer "OH, but I want it now"

miamidiesel said...

@pemulis - great pick on Homer v. NYC

[Homer tries to bite the boot off of his car]

Guy in Tower: Hey when you're done with that, I've got something up here you can bite off!
Guy in Tower 2: Hey why don't you be polite you stinking puss bag?! [to Homer] Pal, you gotta call the number on the boot. Sorry about that guy. They stick all the jerks in Tower one.
Man in Tower: That's it! I'm coming over there. [They start arguing and fighting]
Guy on Higher Floor: SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YA'S!!!


I love my city.

SteveJeltzFan said...

WHACKING DAY!

Was yesterday, May 10.
No joke.

MDZ said...

Homer Loves Flanders, if only for:

Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.

Ned: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two
tick --

Homer: Why do you mock me, O Lord?

Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.

Tom said...

Anyone take Kamp Krusty?

if for no other reason than Krusty's line at the end:
"To make it up to you kids, I'll personally drive you to the happiest place on earth: Tijuana!''

Joseph said...

"Black Widower"

Sideshow Bob steps it up a notch and marries Selma.

Best part is Bart describing how Selma is going to die. And anything MacGyver related.

Redhead said...

Krusty Gets Busted

Krusty (holding a gun): Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu: Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

Earlier this evening, the Springfield SWAT team apprehended the TV clown, who appears on a rival station, opposite our own Emmy award winning Hobo Hate.
Scott Christian's news flash

Josh said...

"Behind the Laughter," which not only *possibly* reveals the Simpsons as hailing from Kentucky, but also features this gem:

"And Homer finds a new passion: dusting and polishing mixing boards."

Big Daddy Drew said...

"Duffless"

Sure thing, giant beer!

chunk said...

Kamp Krusty's a great one

Homer "Please don't let it be the boy!!"

The Hoosier Loser said...

Homer's Phobia: which should be approved by the Gay Mafia for the following quotes.

"He didn't give you gay, did he?"

"You know me, Marge -- I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laaaming!"

Plus, I love the scene where Homer takes Bart to a steel mill to straighten him out only to find out it's a gay dance club ("Hot Stuff, coming through!")

Hercules Rockefeller said...

I'll go w/ "The Homer they Fall"

"They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe."

"He's a hungry young fighter. In fact, he's actually fighting for a sandwich."

the butler said...

"Brother's Little Helper" (with Mark Mcgwire)

"My God is she brave...standing up to that freaked-out junkie..."

"Homer, that junkie is your son!"

McGwire: "Do you want to know the terrifying truth, or do you want to see me sock a few dingers?"

miamidiesel said...

A Tale of Two Springfields - when the town divides up over the 636/939 area code debate

Video: Hi, I'm Phoney McRingRing, and I'm here to answer all your questions.
Homer: Um Phoney, I have a question.
Lisa: Dad, it's just a tape.
Homer: Quite honey, daddy's asking a question.

Video: Even a monkey can remember 10 numbers. Are you dumber than a monkey?
Wiggum: Depends, what kind of monkey?

Brockman: They've been known to say things like "Come here a minute" and "Oh yea"
Homer: Oh yea, I'll show them. Bart, come here a minute.
Bart: You come here a minute.
Homer: Oh yea..

egroeg (dr.doom) said...

I know these have probably been said but :

1. the softball episode (no doubt)
2. lisa on ice
3. bart gets an elephant.

Sean said...

ohh, Kamp Krusty is a greattt pick, Tom.

Kent Brockman: Ladies and Gentleman, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq; and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.

Ben Conant said...

Wild Barts Can't Be Broken

the curfew episode.

"That sniper at the all star game was a blessing in disguise."
"Look what those rotten little punks did to my car!"

Homer: Well if kids are so innocent, why is everything bad named after them? Acting childish, kidnapping, child abuse ...
Bart: What about adultery?
Homer: Not until you're older, son.

can't believe i got this in the third round.

Pemulis said...

Lisa's First Word

Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger house.
Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have
Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I
think her name is Mother Shabubu now.

Wormfather said...

Without a single doubt!

Episode 1105-"E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)"

"Toooooomaaaaccoooooo"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pZYHyoFJiE

Tecmo Bo said...

I choo-choo-choose I Love Lisa.

Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?
Marge: Well, honey, when I...
Homer: [puts up a hand] Let me handle this, Marge, I've heard 'em all. [enumerating them on his fingers] "I like you as a friend." "I think we should see other people." "I don't speak English."
Lisa: I get the idea.
Homer: [not getting the hint] "I'm married to the sea." "I don't wanna kill you, but I will."...

And... "Look in the tunk"...

And... "Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half."

Priceless. And a steal this late in the draft.

Engineer Sighted said...

Bart the Fink

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't divulge information about that customer's secret illegal account. Oh crap, I shouldn't have said he was a customer. Oh crap, I shouldn't have said it was a secret. Oh crap, I certainly shouldn't have said it was illegal!"

"Call me back, Ishmael."

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Nice one Wormfather


"Farmer 1: Well, well. Look at the city slicker pulling up in his fancy German car.
Homer: This car was made in Guatemala.

Farmer 2: Well, pardon us, Mr. Gucci loafers.
Homer: I bought these shoes from a hobo.

Farmer 1: Well la-de-da, Mr. Park Avenue manicure.
Homer: I'm sorry, I believe in good grooming."

Burnsy said...

Comic Book Guy called it the worst episode ever, but I'm a sucker for Saddlesore Galactica with Furious D and the evil jockeys.

"Taking Care of Business!"

"We already played that."

"Get to the working overtime part!"

Hercules Rockefeller said...

I'll go w/ "Take my Wife, Sleaze"

"Marge, how did you get my jacket so clean? I've tried everything to get those blood and puke stains out. I've tried hitting them, I've tried yelling at 'em ..."

Tom said...

Burns' Heir?

I don't know what phallocentric means, but no girls!

Peter McSheisty said...

Lisa's Date with Density, where her and Nelson kiss.

Skinner: I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now,
Superintendant Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl.
[everybody laugh]
[chuckles] I guess it is a little funny.

Skinner: I've always admired car owners and I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child.

Burnsy said...

The Mansion Family. Monkey knife fight. Steal of the draft.

"Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin."

Jesse said...

Selma's Choice... aka the Duff Gardens episode. (http://www.snpp.com/episodes/9F11.html)

This one you will not see on reruns (from the Conan O'Brien years). It's got it all... hallucinations, tons of Duff/Busch Gardens/Disneyland spoofs, a Selma visit to a sperm bank, Lionel Hutz/Troy McClure appearances, racial intolerance jokes etc.

Lisa: [reading from the pamphlet] The Duff Beer-amid contains so much aluminum it would take five men to lift it. Twenty-two immigrant laborers died during its construction.
Selma: Eh, there's plenty more where that came from.

Peter McSheisty said...

Lisa: Why nuke the whales?
Nelson: I dunno, gotta nuke somethin.

Burnsy said...

Hungry, Hungry Homer

I want to go to Blockoland.

Jesse said...

oh and the only appearance of the "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules"...

Big Daddy Drew said...

I'll take the one where Marge becomes a cop.

"A counterfeit jeans ring in my car hole!"

Awful Chief said...

I'll take Treehouse of Horror VII because it contains the Kang and Kodos invasion of Dole and Clinton.

"Abortions for all."
"BOOO!"
"Abortions for none."
"BOOO!"
"Abortions for some, tiny miniature American flags for others."
"YAAAY!"

"The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work
again. Tomorrow, when you are sealed in the voting cubicle, vote
for me, Senator Ka... Bob Dole."

"I am looking forward to an orderly election tomorrow, which will eliminate the need for a violent blood bath."

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, buttonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

Tecmo Bo said...

Second pick: Colonel Homer.

"Now this is made from a space-age fabric specially designed for Elvis. Sweat actually cleans this suit!"
Homer: Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer!
Marge: Your boyhood dream is to eat the world's biggest hoagie! And you did it at the county fair last year, remember!?

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"PFFFT, They don't call me 'Colonel Homer' because I'm some dumbass Army guy."

Engineer Sighted said...

Homer's Barbershop Quartet

"I would like a single plum floating in perfume inside of a man's hat."

"Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool!"
"I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid."

"Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison."
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Where did you get that brownie?"

the chief said...

Blame it on Lisa

This episode basically reduced Brazil to a country full of kidnappers, thieves, and chesty parading females. Rio De Janiero actually demanded a public apology - and got it - from James Brooks:

"We apologize to the lovely city and people of Rio de Janeiro," says Brooks. "If that doesn't settle the issue, Homer Simpson offers to take on the President of Brazil on Fox Celebrity Boxing."

Slash said...

Dammit, two of my faves (time travel toaster and Homer at the candy convention) are already taken.

There are really too many great episodes to pick one, but I'll mention the one where Homer almost cheats on Marge with a hot coworker (voiced by Michelle Pfeiffer). And sorry, I don't have a quote from that one. It's been awhile since I've seen it. But one of my favorite Homer quotes is:

Quick! Operator! Give me the number to 911!

Hercules Rockefeller said...

I’m going w/ Summer of 4’2”

Marge: You got the dud!
Homer (to Milhouse): He looks just like you poindexter!


I know where we can get some baguettes!

Pray For Mojo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Burnsy said...

"Smithers, are they booing me?"

"No they were saying Boo-urnsy."

miamidiesel said...

Homer the Vigilante

[They come upon Jimbo who is spray painting "carpe diem" on a wall.]

Homer: You better have a good reason for doing that, boy.
Jimbo: It makes me feel like a big man.
Homer: Let me check my reason list. ...Yep! It's on here.
Jimbo: Hey! You're that drunken posse. Wow...can I join ya?
Homer: [skeptical] I don't know...can you swing a sack of door knobs?
Jimbo: _Can_ I?
Homer: You're in! Here's the sack.
Moe: But you gotta supply your own knobs.

[That night at dinner, Homer relates his antics to the rest of the family.]

Homer: So I said to him, "Look, buddy, your car was upside down when we got here. And as for your Grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed
off like that!"
Lisa: Dad, don't you see you're abusing your power like all vigilantes? I mean, if you're the police, who will police the police?
Homer: I dunno. Coast Guard?
Marge: Homer, wasn't the whole point to catch the Cat Burglar?
Lisa: And I still don't have my saxophone.
Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back. But
we've also expanded into other important areas. [reads a list] Literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridges, world
domination --
Lisa: World domination?
Homer: Oh ho, heh, that might be a typo. [thinks] Mental note: the girl knows too much.

Herman: See, it's a miniature version of the A-Bomb. The government built it in the fifties to drop on beatniks.
[Homer imagines a beatnik on the grass with a bongo]
Beatnik: Radiant cool, crazy nightmare Zen New Jersey nowhere...
[A group of beatniks snap their fingers in time]
[Homer flies overhead in a plane]
Homer: Put this in your pipe and smoke it! [Presses a button, but the A-Bomb doesn't fall]
Beatnik: How now, brown bureaucrat?
[Homer jumps on the bomb, and it falls with him still on it. He cheers as though he's riding a bronco]
[It explodes, bringing us back to reality] Take that, Maynard G. Krebs!
Herman: Hey...see the sign? ["Do not ride the bomb"]
Homer: Sorry.

Abe: I'll join! I'm filled with piss and vinegar. At first I
was just filled with vinegar.
Homer: Hmm...sorry, Dad. You're too old.
Abe: [stammers] Too old? Why, that just means I have experience.
Who chased the Irish out of Springfield village in aught
four? Me, that's who!
Irish man: And a fine job you did, too.
Homer: Aw, Dad. You've done a lot of great things, but you're a
very old man now, and old people are useless. [tickles Abe] Aren't they? Aren't they? Huh? Yes they are! Yes they are! Tee hee --
Abe: Stop it! That's a form of abuse.

bf9 said...

how about a nod to something football related: "Lisa the Greek"

Homer: You think we should bet against them?
Lisa: I'd bet my entire college fund on it.
Homer: You got it. [to phone] Moe, twenty-three dollars on New York

Homer: Lisa, you picked the winner every time. You must have some
kind of special gift!
Lisa: Come on, Dad. It doesn't take a genius to realize that Houston's failed to cover their last ten outings on away turf the week after scoring more than three touchdowns in a conference game.
Homer: Oh, my little girl says the cutest things.

Homer: Buffalo is going to win. Lisa hates me. [sobs]
Man: Whatcha got riding on this game?
Homer: My daughter.
Man: [whistles] What a gambler!

Peter McSheisty said...

Milhouse: You like Nelson?! But he's a creep and he chipped one of my permanent teeth!

Lisa: But I bet underneath he's a sweet, sensitive person... like you.

[Milhouse makes an unflattered glare]

Lisa: I guess you could say I'm wanna bring out the Milhouse in
Nelson.

Milhouse: But I'm all Milhouse! Plus, my mom says I'm the handsomestguy in school.

Lisa: I like you too, Milhouse, but not in that way. You're like a big sister.

Milhouse: No, I'm not! Why does everybody keep saying that?

Lisa: Would you do me a favor? When you get back to class, just
give him this note.

Milhouse: [groans]

Lisa: [insistent] Please?

Milhouse: [thinking] When she sees you'll do anything she says, she's
bound to respect you. [aloud] Sure! What's a big sister for? [walks off]
[to himself] Oh... I shouldn't have said that.

Back in class, the note is passed to Nelson.

Nelson: [reading] "Guess who likes you." [turns around]
[Milhouse wiggles his fingers at him]


Next thing he knows, Milhouse is rushed out the school on a gurney,
his glasses wrecked and his nose leaking a stream of blood.

Lisa: Milhouse, I'm so sorry!

Paramedic: He can't hear you now. We had to pack his ears with gauze.

Pray For Mojo said...

"Girlie Edition" with Kidz News is classic for many reasons but mainly for the Mojo scenes.

"Come on Mojo, do your Happy Dance."

"I can't wait to eat that monkey."

The Mattel and Mars Quick Energy Chocobot Hour.

"One Man, No Ducks"

- Pray For Mojo

Slash said...

Arghhh... how could I forget the Kang and Kodos election episode? Classic.

It's too early in the morning...

Another favorite joke was the name of a gun store: Bloodbath and Beyond.

chunk said...

Anyone get the episode with Laddie?

Laddie finds pot on the blind guy.

blind guy: It's so I don't go ... blinder! yeah that's it.

Wiggum at the end singing: I'm Jamming.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

"People are becoming a bit confused by the way you and your opponent are… well… constantly holding hands"

big skinny said...

"Homer at the Bat"
Marge: What makes you think this Darryl Strawberry character is better than you?
Homer: Marge, forget it. He's bigger than me, faster than me, stronger than me, and he already has more friends around the plant than I do.
Bart: You make me sick, Homer. You're the one who told me I could do anything if I just put my mind to it!
Homer: Well, now that you're a little bit older, I can tell you that'sa crock! No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.
Bart: Gotcha. Can't win, don't try.

chewbacca lowenstien said...

Holy hell theres alot here...

I think Chris took my pick WAAAAAAAAAY back with Itchy and Scratchy Land...but he missed the best quote...

"Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing can possib-lie go wrong. Uh...Possib-LY go wrong. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Last pick or I’m going to get fired

Lard of the Dance


“We run the grease racket in this town.
Homer: Hey, that's my shovel!
We also run the shovel racket”


Willie: Saints be praised, I'm from Scotland! Where do ya hail from?
Homer: Uh ... North ... Kilttown.
Willie: No foolin'! I'm from North Kilttown! Do you know Angus McCloud?
Homer: Wait a minute! There's no Angus McCloud in North Kilttown! Why, you're not from Scotland at all!
Willie: Ach, don't be daft. I was born and rai ... Hey, what the? My retirement grease!

Awful Chief said...

@ hercules rockefeller
we're merely exchanging complex protein strings. if you can think of a better way, i'd like to hear it.

Jonah said...

Without question, best episode is "The Front (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Front_(The_Simpsons_episode))

Some choice quotes:
"I know what that word is, but what's Shinola?"

Homer's Trophies:
Most weight gained
Most improved odor
Lowest paying job
Most hair lost
Oldest car
Person who traveled the least distance to come to the reunion

Redhead said...

Bart the Lover - the personal ad Bart's teacher wrotes cracks me up:

1+1=2?
Recently divorced
4th grade teacher
wishes to meet man
age: 18-60
Object: SAVE ME
Write: Edna K.

becky said...

HOMR- the Crayola Oblongata episode.
Every line is gold.

"Effigy, huh? Nothing burns like an effigy...."

the chief said...

The Last Temptation of Homer

Mindy: What's wrong?
Homer: Oh, yeah, like you don't know. [weeping] We're gonna have sex!
Mindy: Oh...well, we don't have to.
Homer: [sad] Yes we do! The cookie told me so.
Mindy: Well...desserts aren't always right.
Homer: But they're so sweet!

* slash referred to this episode earlier, but failed to claim its title. that's like going into the NFL draft and saying, "I want that guy, you know, uhh... the one with the good hands and uhh.. has that hairstyle.."

Hercules Rockefeller said...

"Strap on your skates Gordie. You're goin' in"

Wormfather said...

For my next pick (cant belive this is still on the board)

Episode 266 Trilogy of Error

Homer: Linguo Dead?
Linguo: Linguo is dead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dIOaQe__bY

Ben Conant said...

wormfather just schooled us all.

I'll take Mountains of Madness.

Mr. Burns: Oh, yes, sitting. The great leveler. From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit?

Lenny: Hey, we're the first two here, and it's all thanks to teamwork.
Carl: Yeah, my teamwork.

Jason said...

"Lisa, I'm familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda."

From the one where Bart sells his soul to Milhouse.

Peter McSheisty said...

Fifth episode, "Bart the General"

Herman: When he leaves the Kwik-E-Mart, we start the saturation bombing.
You got the water balloons?

Bart: [salutes] Two hundred rounds, sir. [holds a balloon]
Is it okay if they say `Happy Birthday' on the side?

Herman: Urgh. I'd rather they say `Death from Above', but I guess we'r stuck.

Ben Conant said...

I'm done selecting, so heres my draft wrap:

1. 22 Short Films About Springfield
2. A Fish Called Selma
3. Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
4. Mountain of Madness

solid.

Big Mackey Sasser said...

I'm pretty sure I haven't seen this yet, but Trash of the Titans from season 9 is by far my favorite episode.

"Can't Someone Else Do It?"

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Good one Ben

"Stand back! I have powers! Political powers!"

miamidiesel said...

Days of Wine and D'oh'ses - Barney gives up alcohol

Barney: Hiya, Moe.
Homer: Well, if it isn't Little Miss "I'm Not Wasting My Life Anymore" -- which he is!
Barney: Moe, I've come here to make amends for my disgraceful behavior over the last twenty years.
Moe: No, that's okay, Barn.
Barney: No it's not okay. I broke barstools, befouled your broom closet, and made sweet love to your pool table, which I then befouled.
Moe: Well, that would explain the drop-off in play.


"The call is from heroism. Will you accept the charges?"

fiveoneeight said...

Unless I missed it, nobody took "Team Homer" (the bowling team) -

Burns: Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun. I'm going to get
your Lucky Charms.
[starts a drill]
Hans: Oh, no: my brains.

Phil said...

I'm disappointed in you people. No one has selected my all-time favorite episode, so I'll take it:
"Krusty Gets Kancelled."

GABBO! "I can do the hully gully!/I can imitate Vin Scully!"

Snake: "I'll get you for that, Midler!"

Krusty: "If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!"

Awful Chief said...

I'll take the tomacco episode
Clerk: I'm sorry, but we're not supposed to put butter on the Milk Duds.
Homer: You're not supposed to go to the bathroom without washing your hands, either.
Clerk: Touche (begins pumping butter on the candy)
Homer: To the top, please. [clerk does so][to the duds] Swim, my pretties.

j dot domingo said...

Frank Grimes (I don't know any titles)

Maybe the best ever.

Oh, and also Mr. Sparkle. Another absolute classic.

Awful Chief said...

"Hello chief, let's talk, why not?"

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Last pick (for real this time): “Sunday, cruddy Sunday”


Wally: I'm sorry, the guys made kind of a mess in your bathroom.
Driver: What bathroom?


Wally: Oh, how could I fall for fake tickets? Gee, the fellas are gonna be crestfallen.
Homer: Yes, if by "crestfallen" you mean "kill us!”

Wormfather said...

@ Awful Chief

Sorry boss, I already took that.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

"I am disrespectful to dirt. Can you see I am serious"

Otto Man said...

I step away for an hour, and 70 picks are off the board. This must be what it feels like to be a Vikings GM.

Oh well, here's my draft:

1. Rosebud
2. Lisa on Ice
3. Radioactive Man
4. Lisa the Vegetarian
5. Cape Feare

Other than surprisingly picking two Lisa episodes, this was a rock solid draft. I was thrilled to grab Cape Feare in the 5th round, only to realize Kamp Krusty hadn't been taken either. Boo!

Rob I said...

The episode that Family Guy ripped off.

Oh, that's all of them?

Wormfather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Otto Man said...

No one's picked Sideshow Bob Roberts?

"No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell the tale!"

Wormfather said...

Achem, Wormfather has traded his 3rd and 4th round picks for a 2nd round pick in next friday's draft.

I got some good quality in the first two rounds.

1. Tomacco Episode
2. Linguo Episode.

Joshua said...

Every single bit with Kang and Kodos has been awesome. They may be my favorite characters out of all eighteen years.

"Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!"

Ben Conant said...

This has inspired me to watch the hell out of my DVR-ed episodes.

Must...load...bong...faster.

Oren said...

"A Streetcar Named Marge" is a steal at this point in the draft.

The Ayn Rand School for Tots

Flanders as Stanley K: "Stella! STELLLAAAA! Can't you hear me YELLA!
You're puttin' me through HELLA! Stella... STELLLAAAA!"

Bart swinging through the air saying, "Look at me! I'm Blanche DuBois!"

Awful Chief said...

I'll take the Radio Bart Episode.

"I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo"

Also, Lisa reads the magazine "Non-Threatening Boys"

Otto Man said...

"Streetcar" is a steal. I'd assumed it was long gone.

Gary said...

Homer the Heretic
Patented Space-Age Out of this World Moon Waffles

"What if we picked the wrong religion? Every week we're just making God madder and madder."

the 'Feast of Maximum Occupancy'

Julia said...

Come on people-Lisa the Iconoclast!

Jebediah: A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
Edna: Embiggens? I never heard that word before I moved to Springfield.
Ms. Hoover: I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word.

Peter McSheisty said...

And with my fifth and final pick, I choose "The Springfield Files" a steal at number 100+.

Burns: "I bring you... love."

Lenny: "It brings love, don't let it get away!"

Carl: "Break it's legs so it won't get away!



Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice ... like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night ... like Urkel!

Wiggum: Well, your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass, I mean, uh, Simpson. So, I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!

Homer: You don't have to humiliate me.
(Homer leaves and a man walks in covered with soot, holding a lighter)

Man: I just torched a building downtown, and I'm afraid I'll do it again!

Wiggum: Oh, yeah, right. I'll just type it up on my invisible typew
riter!


Burns: So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt!

Smithers: What?!

Burns: You know. Light-hearted, fancy-free. Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!

Smithers: Exactly, sir! (laughs nervously)


(In an interrogation room, Cigarette Smoking Man hides in a corner, while Scully prepares tests. Mulder has a clipboard with a large 'X' on it)

SCULLY: Now we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple liedetector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions, and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?

HOMER: Yes! (The machine blows up)

Awful Chief said...

nice pick, julia

Dsanchez said...

The episode where lisa is a vegitarian.

Homer: It's just a little wet its still good its still good. It's just a little airborn it's still good it's still good.
Bart: It's gone man.
Homer: I know.

Peter McSheisty said...

Draft recap:

1. Prescription Rx
2. Mr. Plow
3. Lisa's Date with Density
4. Bart the General
5. Springfield Files

Best.Draft.Ever

The Rick said...

In the episode when Homer steals the Lard Lad's donut.

Homer: (opens door and sees an angry Lard Lad) If you want your donut Flanders Has it. (closes door) He Came to life good for him.

Gary said...

Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Rev. Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and
neighbors when they came to your aid,
be they [points to Ned] Christian, [Krusty] Jew, or [Apu] ... miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Rev. Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.

Otto Man said...

Homer the Heretic

Mmmm. Sacrilicious.

And sorry, but I already took the vegetarian episode.

Pemulis said...

sick draft:
1. You Only Move Twice
2. Homer to the Max
3. Deep Space Homer
4. City of NY vs. Homer Simpson
5. Lisa's First Word


i mean come on, the scorpio episode has such a great football moment in it too

Homer: [reading] Project Arcturus couldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Dallas Cowboys, but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're on the East Coast, Hank Scorpio. [stops reading] Aw, the Denver Broncos!
Marge: I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
Homer: Yeah, yeah.
Marge: Well, explain to me why it isn't.
Homer: [sighs] You just don't understand football, Marge

as well as these other gems

Hank: Don't call me that word. I don't like things that elevate me above the other people. I'm just like you. Oh sure, I come in later in the day, I get paid a lot more, and I take longer vacations, but I don't like the word "boss."

Scorpio: Hey, before we continue our tour, would you mind hanging my coat up on the wall please?
Homer: Mmmhmm. Umuhh now let’s see now. Uuummm.
Scorpio: Ahaha. Relax, Homer, at Globex we don’t believe in walls. In fact, I didn't even give you my coat!



Scorpio: There's the Hammock Hut. That's on Third. There's Hammocks 'R' Us. That's on Third, too. You got Put Your Butt There. That's on Third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Matter of fact they're all in the same complex. It's the Hammock Complex, down on Third.
Homer: Oh, the Hammock District?

Julia said...

I didn't see this so far, so I think I got quite a steal: Grandpa vs. Sexual Inadequacy

Homer: Sir, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife.

Secretary at White House: Mr. Gore, we just got word that a copy of your book has been sold.
Al Gore: Then I believe that it is time to celebrate. (he plays the song 'Celebrate') I will.

Plus, Reverse vampires and Homer's reaction to the Maplethorpe book...priceless.

Gary said...

The War of the Simpsons

Marge tells Homer that "he blows his nose on towels and puts them back in the middle"

Clerk: Yep, `General Sherman'. They say he's five hundred pounds of
bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but
if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day.
Customer: And uh no one's ever caught him?
Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet
tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel,
cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.

Awful Chief said...

For my 3rd pick, I select Mr X episode

Nelson: Hey, Mr. "X", I've got a tip for you. They're dissecting
frozen hobos in Science class. And I've got the bindles to prove it.
Homer: Real news is great, son, But I'm getting a thousand hits
an hour with Grade-A bullplop.

Homer #2: Ja, please forgive my unexplained two-week absence. To make it up to you, we will go out to dinner at a sensibly priced restaurant, then have a night of
efficient German sex.
Marge: Well, I sure don't feel like cooking.

Pray For Mojo said...

Two Bad Neighbors: George Bush Sr. moves in next door. This is essential for the introduction of Disco Stu at the Swap Meet: "Disco Stu doesn't advertise."

"Hey big spender dig this blender."

Ayatollah Assahola T-Shirt

Wow, a Methusala rookie card.

Mr Furious said...

Late in, but this draft is deep—I'll take "New Kid on the Block [9F06]"

TV Guide synopsis
The Simpsons' new neighbors are a divorcée (Pamela Reed) and her 15-year-old daughter (Sara Gilbert), who captures---and breaks---Bart's heart. Meanwhile, Homer sues when a restaurant denies him ``all you can eat.''

The main plot with Bart and his crush is great enough, but the subplot nets me Lionel Hutz and the Sea Captain!

Choice quotes:
"'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine."

Homer pays a visit to Lionel Hutz's "I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm'':
Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story''.
Homer: So, do you think I have a case?
Hutz: I don't use the word hero very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

"Now my shirt's kinda chaffing me..."

--

I cannot believe how long "Lisa the Greek" went undrafted...

Mr Furious said...

Taking the chili episode in the Top 5 might be the worst draft pick of any type of all time.

The cookoff is decent, but once the hallucination starts, it is downhill fast.

John said...

God dammit, someone already took Homer at the Bat.

"You watch too many movies, Sax!"

Signal to Noise said...

I don't see anyone calling "Homer the Great."

"Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!"

Julia said...

Boy Scoutz N' the Hood

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.

Homer: "Egghead likes his booky book!"

gravytrain said...

Tough top 10 - and the two best episodes (Conan Obrien's Homer Goes to College ("hey buddy, did'ya get a load of the nerd!?" "Pardon me?") and Clown College ("Kill wealthy dowager") were taken early.

But how was Treehouse of Horrors 3 missed?
- "Marge, marge! The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!"

- "What do you think Smithers?"
- "I think women and seamen don't mix"
- "We know what you think..."

- "Dad, we did something very bad!"
- "Did you wreck the car?"
- No
- Did you raise the dead?
- Yes!
- But the car's ok?
- Un-huh
- All right then.

And finally: "To the book depository!"

Otto Man said...

Nice late round steal, Mr. Furious.

"You won't be needing this any more!"

Jesse said...

Screaming Yellow Honkers
(http://www.snpp.com/episodes/AABF10)

solid value here, good appearance by a very underrated random character, Gil Gunderson...

Gil: Go ahead, drool all you want, you can't hurt that finish. Now rainwater, that will strip it right off, so ... aw, I shouldn't have said that ... aw, Gil.
Homer: Hey, a red one. [runs to a red Canyonero] Can I buy that? Please?
Gil: Well, if you, well ... really? Wow, Hot, hot dog! A sale! [goes to put a little Canyonero marker, indicating a sale, on a bulletin board]
Stan: I'll take it from here, Gil. [takes Gil's marker]
Gil: No, wait, no. Aw, you can't take my sale. My wife's going to leave me if I don't start bringing in the green. Come on, let me have this one, Stan, I'm begging you. Look at me, I'm begging you, Stan.
Stan: Mm-hm. [walks Homer to his office] Let's go write this up, shall we?
Gil: [pulls a rotary-dial cell phone from his jacket, and dials] Honey, you should have seen me with my last customer, I ... no, but I came so close. This guy was as ... Whose voice is that? Is that Fred? ... Aw, you said it was over ... No, don't put him on -- Hello, Fred, h-hi.

Burnsy said...

Second pick, Signal.

I stepped away for lunch, scrolled through every pick to be sure and I am pleased to take the Pretzel Wagon episode.

"But Marge the little guy hasn't done anything yet and when he does you know it's gonna be good."

"Forgiverness prease."

Otto Man said...

Has anyone taken "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"?

"Guten Morgen. I am Horst. The new owners have elected me to speak with you because I am the most non-threatening. Perhaps I remind you
of the loveable Sergeant Schultz on Hogan's Heroes?"

"Marge, it's not the money. My job is my identity.
If I'm not a safety whatchamajigger, I'm nothing!"

"We understand, Homer. After all, we are from the land of chocolate!''

Carl: Yeah, you know, those Germans aren't so bad.
Lenny: Sure they made mistakes in the past, but aah, that's why pencils have erasers!

Plus: "Oh, don't vorry, we still enough left to buy the Cleveland Browns."

Mr Furious said...

I think "Bart the Lover" is off the board, but I need to point out one of my absolute favorite subplots—the "swear jar:"

Actual video on YouTube.

Five of the funniest minutes ever.

josh said...

Brother from the Same Planet, Season 4.

Bart: Dad, remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed "I'm a hemophiliac" and when he let you go, you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Heh heh heh. Yeah?
Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
Homer: Sure, boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back!

Signal to Noise said...

Burnsy - dammit. This is what I get for being on Pacific time; having to wade through a bunch of episodes everyone's already picked.

I don't fucking care if anyone else has selected this: the trip to Brazil episode is another favorite.

Mr Furious said...

Otto, what's with the "Go back to Massachussetts"? Something I'm missing there? Because I cannot believe you'd blow the quote...

By the way, to this day, anytime I or anybody else mentions gazpacho, I break out the "Go back to Russia!"

You don't win friends with salad!

Mr. Thursday said...

"There's No Disgrace Like Home"--the family shock therapy episode.

Homer:Okay, now look. My Boss is going to be at this picnic, so I want you to show your father some love and or respect.

Lisa: Tough choice.

Bart: I'm picking respect.

Jesse said...

Hasn't been 10 picks but I'd trade up for this one... A Star is Burns (http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F31.html) where Marge organizes a film festival and Critic cameo...

Barney: [from his film Pukahontas] Don't cry for me... I'm already dead.

Homer: [laughing hysterically] This contest is over! Give that man the $10,000.
Jay: This isn't "America's Funniest Home Videos".
Homer: But...the ball! His groin! Ah ha! It works on so many levels! [laughs more] Roll it again.


Burns: Get me Steven Spielberg!
Smithers: He's unavailable.
Burns: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent! [later] Listen, Senor Spielbergo, I want you to do for me what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler.
Spielbergo: Er, Schindler es bueno, Senor Burns es el diablo.
Burns: Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod: we're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit! Now go out there and win me that festival!

egroeg (dr.doom) said...

i always loved bart the general for some reason.

also homers enemy is a classic

Burnsy said...

I'll save you time, Signal. That went about halfway through.

Otto Man said...

Otto, what's with the "Go back to Massachussetts"? Something I'm missing there? Because I cannot believe you'd blow the quote...

Crap, I mixed them up. "Go back to Massachusetts" is what Homer yells at Sideshow Bob when he calls for an end to television.

Mr Furious said...

For my second pick, I grab "Marge Be Not Proud", the one where Bart gets caught shoplifting a copy of the videogame "Bonestorm."

Bonus: Troy McClure "educational" video on shoplifting.

"catfische?"

Jesse said...

crap, A Star is Burns WAS taken...

I'll take Much Apu About Nothing...

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's spacious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you? [Homer thinks of this, then pulls out some money]
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

Jon Pyle said...

The Old Man and the Key.

"This is Bronson, Missouri!"

"Ma, how 'bout a cookie?"
"No dice."
This. ain't. over."

"But, sir, your jacket, she burns."
"Then I burn with her."

The scene where Homer yells at Grampa for staying out all night, and Grampa storms upstairs, slams the door and plays Glenn Miller really loud.

"Mom, there's no gambling in Branson."
"Oh, there's gambling. I'll give you 3 to 1 odds."

Brad said...

"I said CHOW-DAH!"

gravytrain said...

while not a great episode, a good value pick at #176, if only for the scene below: "Lisa's Rival", from season 6.

Sugar scene on youtube

what IS to be done with this Homer Simpson?

"Oww, they're defending themselves somehow!"
- Chicago Bulls

Jon Pyle said...

I'm pretty sure this is in Homer: Bad Man taken by Drew, but one of my favorite quotes ever:

"Grampa, that flag you made only has 49 stars."
"I'll be in the cold, dead ground before I recognize Missouri"

Otto Man said...

Anyone take "Selma's Choice"?

"Hi, I'm Lionel Hutz, executor of Gladys Bouvier's estate. She left a video will, so I earn my fee simply by pressing this "Play" button. Pretty sweet, eh?"

"Come to Duff Gardens, where roaming gangs aren't a problem anymore. Now featuring the clean-shaven sound of "Hooray for Everything"!"

Homer: "Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?"
Bart+Lisa: "We're under six."
Homer: "And I'm a college student! Heh heh heh."

Marge: "You've been eating that sandwich for over a week. I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn."
Homer: "Two more feet, and I can fit it in the fridge."

"Hey, Surly looks out for one guy only -- Surly!"

Officer 2: We found this one swimming naked in the Fermentarium. [Lisa, heaping jittery, covered by a towl]
Lisa: [raises her arms] I am the Lizard Queen!

"Homercles cares not for beans!"

the chief said...

Treehouse of Horrors VI

That's some 3-D shit right there. Booyah.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

OK, "Curse of the Flying Hellfish" is next off the board.


“I can't believe you, Grampa. The sergeant in that story you told would never be scared of a dork like Burns. You gotta get that treasure, you gotta do it for Ox, and Asa, and Griff, and Burnsie... Well, not so much Burnsie.”

“I must get back to Dancecentrum in Struttgart in time to see Kraftwerk. Hey, und dummkopf! Watch out for the CD-changer in my trunk, eh? Idiot.”

“Hey, fun boys, get a room!”

Mitch Kayak said...

No one took the Stonecutters?

Come on now.

"Don't use 911, here's the real number."

[Hands Homer a piece of paper with 912 on it]

Burnsy said...

Mitch, second pick.

I'll take the fake ID and wig expo episode and call it a day.

"Just when you thought he wasn't going to play Moon River..."

Otto Man said...

No one took the Stonecutters?

It was the second pick. Did you just read the first one and give up?

josh said...

what a beautiful tribute to the show this is...seriously, there are still good episodes on the board, and my first pick in this draft is like the 6th round (NFL wise.)

but I found a good one. one I even watched (for the second time) on VCR at Hebrew School.

the one where Krusty reconciles with his dad, the Rabbi.

heh. "Gabbin' About God."

mad respect for the 'summer of 4'2"' selection. best Lisa-oriented episode ever.

Michael said...

When everyone gets snowed in at the elementary school and Skinner gets tied up in the dogdeball bag:

Skinner (to class hamster): Nibbles!! Chew through my ball sack!!

Mr Furious said...

burnsy, I was about to grab that one—number one on my board—but somebody above just grabbed it.

Burnsy said...

Otto, maybe he read from the bottom up.

Burnsy said...

Furious, I'll trade it to you for your sixth round pick this week and your second round pick next week.

Mr Furious said...

Burnsy,

My mistake, the Branson, Missouri reference above is for a different episode. Damn! That makes "Bart on the Road" yours...

Mr Furious said...

"Grammar rodeo? We're going to a grammar rodeo?"

[OT: the fucking word verification is really pissing me off today. Anybody else having to post everything two times?]

the chief said...

For my 3rd pick, I am selecting Maximum Homerdrive.

Red: Red Barclay's my name. I'm a trucker, and I've eaten steaks from coast to coast with taters and toast. Take my advice -- this one's not for greenhorns.

Homer: Greenhorn? Who's a greenhorn? What's a greenhorn?

Bart: It's an insult! Sock him, Dad! Sock everybody!

Homer: Aw, you're just jealous because you don't have the belly for it anymore, Mr. No-Belly. [pokes Red in his ample
belly] Mr. Hasn't-Got-A-Belly.

Red: Well, I have just finished a whole lamb, but, uh, I reckon
I can take you to school. You're on, boy.

Jesse said...

The Cartridge Family(http://www.snpp.com/episodes/5F01)

Starts off at a soccer game...

Marge: Homer, we've got to get out of here!
Homer: Ooh, but I want to do some rioting. [pushes one of the Scotsmen]
Scotsman: [turns to face Homer, screaming] Jobbers cobknots, ya mucker!
Homer: All done! [runs off]

Gun Shop Owner: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now!
% The owner finally pulls the gun away from Homer.
Homer: I'd kill you if I had my gun!
Gun Shop Owner: Yeah, well, you don't.

the chief said...

Aww shit, I've got to go. In the spirit of cheating, I will now select my final two and go.

THE CREPES OF WRATH
-Good-bye, Adil! I'll send you those civil defense plans you Wanted!

-Whenever my faith in God is shaken, I think of the miracle of anti-freeze.


....AND
LIFE ON THE FAST LANE
Marge: You didn't have to drop me off.
Jacques: But I wanted to. [grasps her hand] Marge, do you know how beautiful you look in the moonlight?
Marge: Errrr, Jacques! I'm a married woman!
Jacques: I know, I know. My mind says stop, but my heart, and my hips, cry proceed. Marge darling, I - I want to
see you tomorrow. Not at Barney's Bowlorama, away from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. Meet me tomorrow for Brunch.
Marge: What's Brunch?
Jacques: You'd love it, It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get
completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal!


So to recap:
1. Blame it on Lisa
2. The Last Temptation of Homer
3. Maximum Homerdrive
4. The Crepes of Wrath
5. Life on the Fast Lane

A solid draft here. One featuring every major member of the family, homer almost cheating on marge, marge almost cheating on homer, death, trucks, and the mocking of two countries worthy of said mockery.

My draft is magnificent.

Julia said...

Homer the Smithers

Homer: Here are your messages. You have thirty minutes to move your car. You have ten minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have thirty minutes to move your cube.
(Phone Rings)
Homer: Hello, Mr. Burns' office.
Burns: Is it about my cube?

Burns: I'll have my lunch now. A single pillow of Shredded Wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.
Homer: But I think the dodo went extinct…
Burns: Get going! And answer those phones, install the computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills.
Homer: (taking notes) Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Um Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about uuhhh, things. Uhh… the things.


Michael, that snowed in episode is one of my FAVORITES, and has the ultimate Ralph line:

Skinner hands Ralph a brillo pad to sleep with.
Ralph: It's cold and hurty.

Rapist's Wit said...

I can't believe how far Homer at the Bat fell... what a steal!

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard someone once got killed in New York, and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Sax?
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Chamomiles Davis said...

I nominate the "Simpsons' 138th Episode Spectacular" hosted by Troy McClure, whom you may remember from remember from such Fox network specials as Alien Nose Job and Five Fabulous Weeks of The Chevy Chase Show.

"...But of course, for that ending to work, you would have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. [Laughs] And that would be downright nutty."

Awful Chief said...

"Who knows what adventures they'll have between now and when the show is no longer profitable?"

JMA said...

Fear of Flying--
Wait a minute...there's something bothering me about this place. I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit. Enjoy your death trap, ladies.

Homer Incognito, Krazy Klown Airlines...
"I just realized we never had a wedding for the cat and the dog... they've been living in sin!"

Burnsy said...

Rapist, Homer at the Bat has been taken twice. At least.

And someone already misquoted it earlier, too. It was "Mattingly, I told you to get rid of those sideburns," not Boggs.

I can't be this bored at work, can I?