Friday, May 11, 2007

I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Kevin, you dream the dreams of America. But you don't take it quite far enough; there's one thing missing.


Now you're on the trolley!

We all know that cheerleaders make everything better, so why should a trip to the beach be any different? Just imagine you're on the run from the law a well-deserved vacation in the paradise of Punta Cana, DR (Spanish for The Island of Dr. Moreau) when the ultimate gaggle of pussy start traipsing through the virginal sand .

Professional cheerleaders are shooting their team calendar and you are given a front row seat. What do you do? What do you do? Well if that team is the New England Patriots and you're a Masshole I guess this is the answer...

Holy shit! Somebody hold my likah!

Yep, that looks about right. Odds he got laid...5.9736×1024/1.

So this weekend while you're hiding from the rain and/or your mother (oh sweet merciful Yaweh) just think, you could have been chillin' in the DR with some of the hottest women to ever don the spankie. Instead of chatting up your mom you could be oiling up some ass.

So that's where the phrase "I'd lick olive oil off her ass" comes from.


Enjoy your weekend everybody, I'm going to the beach in case some cheerleaders need a dedicated towel boy.

Gotta support the team.


photo's courtesy of Boston.com

MONUMENTAL UPDATE!


Because NBC screwed us out of Jenna Fischer in a two-piece I've decided to add a little something extra to this week's cheerleader fix. Enjoy this spread of Jenna at her best.








Yeah, that's the good shit.

27 comments:

Julia said...

Great Office reference...poor Toby never got to see Pam in her two-piece.

"I thought I was going to die...on beach day."

the butler said...

Huh, masshole's odds were just shy of a mole to one.

Ha! Who said that shit's not applicable in real life!?!

Jackin'4Beats said...

Beach day was pure comedy at its best. Too bad Dwight survived with only 2nd degree burns. Would have been nice to see him spontaeously combust.

I wonder if Andy's still floating around in the dark.

Nice cheerleader shots BTW. I didn't know the Paahts had any good looking lassies on their squad.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs.

Vanilla said...

Toby didn't miss out on anything, I was sure that we were at least going to get to see Pam in her two piece.

flubby said...

vanilla: one of the greatest injustices in history... Pam should have been giving her little speech in a little spaghetti strap number, maybe some thongage would have been in order...

Unsilent Majority said...

I've done all I can

Otto Man said...

I don't use the word "hero" lightly. But you, UM, may well be the greatest hero in American history.

rar288 said...

My freakin DVR cut off the end of that episode. Can someone tell me what happened after Pam gave her little speech?

Ian said...

rar - nothing. They showed them all singing the Flintstones on the way to the beach.

rar288 said...

Screw you man I was being serious I love that show lol...

They were already on the beach so I know your fuckin with me! :)

Peter McSheisty said...

@rar

No, they really did show everyone singing the Flintstones theme song on the way to the beach.

rar288 said...

So, there was nothing after Pam's speech and Michael said, "I'm really looking for someone with Sales experience?" Nothing after that?

Tracer Bullet said...

Yeah, I don't get it. There are at least a dozen women as attractive as Jenna Fischer (and women in Miami, L.A. and Las Vegas who are far more attractive ) in every office park in the country. Buy a few margaritas at TGIFriday's next week, take home one of the 15 secretaries who are there for happy hour and you can pretend you've banged a starlet.

Meatwad said...

Jenna Fischer is most definitely "Miss Underrated" when it comes (pun intended) to Hollywood beauty. Outstanding work Unsilent, Outstanding.

Vanilla said...

Best. Update. Evah!

BeaverFever said...

i too waited the entire episode for Pam in the 2-piece. thanks for the pics UM, especially the last one

Colonel Corn said...

There were about 20 people from my hometown in the DR last week while that photoshoot was going on.

One of my friends told me that it was a horrible time to have taken his girlfriend down there with him.

They walked out early one morning and one of the cheerleaders was on all fours, and the photographer was urging her to get her ass higher in the air. Great story.

emily caroline said...

Any man who appreciates Jenna Fischer and The Office is alright in my book. Fantastic work.

Unsilent Majority said...

so emily, which one are you?

Amphibian said...

Speaking of chick flicks I liked quite a bit, I recommend Waitress, a neat little fairy tale about a likeable waitress, Keri Russell. Excellent actress, by the way. Lots of good life lessons in there.
- Peter King.

That's a real quote, by the way, thrown in at the end of his latest mediocre SI column. For someone with a high level of access to NFL personnel, he breaks astoundingly little news and throws in too many puff pieces.

gymclassheroes said...

Hello???

Anyone home?

[taps monitor]

Is this thing on?

[looks at watch]

huh...[scrolls down to pics of Jenna Fischer...]

Stephen Douglas said...

Great update. More Jenna Fischer always..

Vanilla said...

Anyone know what that last picture is from?

josh said...

Blades of Glory. They tart her up to seduce Will Ferrell.

Gotta love Jenna Fischer. I can talk about her being hot and the fiancee' doesn't get mad. Now, had that been Mariah Carey, we'd be splitting up the belongings and assigning visitation for the pets.

BigRicks said...

josh, i'm in the same boat.

Now if only I could find a way to move my offic desktop to an isolated bathroom stall...

emily caroline said...

I'm the one on the far right. Yes, I grew into the ears and no, I'm not still rocking the bangs with a giant cowlick.