Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Point / Counterpoint: TO- suicide attempt or blatant attention whoring?

This story is not about Terrell Owens. It is about "TO". I don't know Terrell Owens and neither, I assume, do you. "TO", on the other hand is the public persona/cash cow contrived by Messrs. Owens and Rosenhaus. I am quite acquainted with "TO", owing in large part to ESPN's dedicated coverage to all things related to this singular athlete with an insatiable need to adored.

Anyway, to the jokes...

What drives someone, who has a life with all the earmarks of what we have been taught is "success" to throw it all away? An analysis of the final words of some suicide victims may yield some insight; perhaps even more so when compared to the circumstances surrounding "TO".
Point: Hunter S. Thompson preferred death to becoming an elderly, broken and irrelevant version of the iconoclastic journalist he spent his life creating.

Counterpoint: TO was distraught because the ice sculptor he commissioned failed to accurately capture TO's true nature as a poet/warlord in his work's frozen visage.

Point: Despairing over the latest World War, Virginia Woolf filled her pockets with stones and cast herself into the River Ouse because she could not bear the effects another battle with her mental illness would have on her beloved husband.

Counterpoint:TO was despondent because his assistant once again failed to adequately vet his lunch salad for all traces of pine nuts. TO really hates pine nuts.

Point: Kurt Cobain was fatally disenchanted with the commoditization of his work and felt there was a gulf between his adult self and his childhood ideal that could not be reconciled as long as he was still alive.

Counterpoint: TO was upset because Fred "Rerun" Berry couldn't appear at his birthday party.

This afternoon, he flatly denied attempting suicide -- despite overwhelming independent evidence to the contrary. With his camp in full spin mode, it appears "TO" has survived this little episode unscathed, but was Terrell Owens as lucky? Who knows? I'm starting to think he died years ago.


Vee said...

Dropping some lyrics from "Institutionalized"? Fucking awesome.

Flubby, I'm buying you a Pepsi.

Unknown said...

Dude..the comparisons..excellent. Terrell has been gone for awhile. "TO" is the biggest attention-deficit whore in the world.

You know kids..any attention is good attention.