Nick Saban Once Inhaled a Seagull

This is the Unsilent Majority rejoining you LIVE from the parking lot of PNC Park in the North Shore. It’s here that all the diehard Dolphin fans have congregated (all six of them) to get rowdy before heading into the stadium. In between Cuban sandwiches I had the opportunity to ask some of the fans what they think of their chances this season under coach Nick Saban. Here’s a quick transcript of their drunken conversation/toast.

• Bruno: I saw Coach Saban pull into the stadium this morning when I was pissing in those bushes. He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls!
• Butch: I once broke into his house to leave him a Valentine’s Day card and some edible panties. Coach Saban’s family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong. It was hanging there right on the wall.
• Gaylord: Did you know that If you drop a phonograph needle on Saban’s nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds?
• Everyone: TO COACH SABAN!

They’ve continued to drink Appletini’s as they toast their hero, from the looks of it they could be here all night.