Wednesday, September 27, 2006

It's Mr. Mischief With a Trick Up His Sleeve

Terrell Owens wants to be loved. He knows you admire his skill on the field and his asphalt calisthenics. He doesn't just want to be revered, he wants to be embraced, and he wants to be an American hero.

Terrell Owens wants to be Brett Favre and there's no easier way to be Brett than to start eating Vicodin out of a customized Pez dispenser.

We all know how TO feels about Brett, if he'd been the Eagles' quarterback they'd all be wearing shiny rings. Like everybody else in football TO sat by and watched people flood Favre with praise and well wishes even while dependant on painkillers. All TO wanted was a piece of that action, now he's got it.

In TO's confused mind he equates tragic drug use with heroism...silly TO, that only applies to movie stars (I love you RDJ). If he really wanted the media to show him some love he should have tried to do all the other things Favre has done in this league (like throwing interceptions or being white).

Buck up TO, being Brett Favre isn't that great anyways (just ask his family), we'll love you more if you just be your own whacky self. There's no need to down a handful of painkillers just because people don't like you...that's what Xanax is for dumbass!

If you want to stay off the pharm all together (good idea) you should just go out and pick up a nice Dutch and a bag of'll cure what ails you.