Morten Andersen ends retirement, tells kids to get off his lawn
Kicker Morten Andersen ended his two-year retirement this week, signing with the Atlanta Falcons. Following Tuesday's press conference, Andersen ordered a small group of teenagers congregating near his property to "move it along now." Andersen, the NFL's second all-time leading scorer, then drove his 1985 Buick Regal to the Town 'n' Country Buffet, for the early-bird. Mort capped of his day by feeding the ducks while humming Guy Lombardo tunes at the pond near his retirement community.
"I don't kicks when 'NCIS' is on, iffin' ya please." 
10 comments:
Didn't this asshole miss a 40-yard field goal with Minnesota because HE KICKED IT SHORT?
flub, you forgot to mention the part where he went to see his grandkids and passed off sticks of gum as a "gift."
Cough drops are not candy!!!
I heard he's going to be inactive for day games beacause of syndicated episodes of Murder, She Wrote.
Does Under Armor offer an adult diaper?
Maaatlooock!
jester, I can't believe you changed your pic. That drunken Muppet was awesome.
I can imagine Morten telling stories of the old days of football would go something like this.
We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."
WE MUST PROTECT THIS OLD ASS HOUSE!!!!!!!
go to bed, old man.
I wonder if him and Vick will hit up Buckhead together...
everybody break out their single-bar face masks!
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