Friday, October 27, 2006

Your costumes, man! If you pimp, you BROKE pimp!

Welcome to the 8th edition of our weekly feature, Always Be Covering. The following is a small sampling of the games I'll be investing in when I'm hitting the ROOR after Saturday's Nightmare on M Street.

While I may appear startlingly brilliant (or possibly not) you must remember that this is a humor site. If you take me too seriously I will summon Biggie Smalls to shoot you in the face.

St. Louis +9.5 at San Diego
I think San Diego is a very good team. I think that the first person Shawne Merriman hits will spend the rest of his life with a colostomy bag. I still see no reason why they’re giving so many damn points. St. Louis has got some skills (it’s nice to see the SG get one right now and then) and they aren’t going to be cast aside by any defense that got thrashed by a Huard. This has all the makings of an intensely competitive game, 9.5 is just too much to resist. Besides, Marty's vagina tends to itch when he gets up by too many points.

Special I Need Money Parlay!

Pittsburgh -9 @ Oakland
I don’t give a shit who plays quarterback, Oakland is going to get hit so hard they’ll think the Earth is shaking (more than usual).

Carolina-6 vs. Dallas
In Vegas they give out point values to certain variables. If home field advantage is worth three points then an undrafted quarterback starting his first game alongside the craziest motherfucker in the league should be worth at least ten. TO might throw a punch, Bledsoe might throw a hissy fit, and Parcells might eat a clipboard.

New England -2.5
@ Minnesota
I recognize that I’m a stubborn degenerate of a gambler, that’s why I have no problem betting against the Vikings once again. Beating Seattle means very little to me right now. Of course they won, Seneca Wallace and MoMo were sharing the same shitty backfield. New England is good...let’s all just come to terms with that and let them anchor this relay. Just remember, if the Vikings manage the upset Drew might never stop talking about it.

Shy-lock of the Week (3-1)
(2 teams, 6 point tease)Another gentile in disguise

Chicago -10* vs. San Francisco
It’s the number one threat to America (Bears) taking on the number two threat to America (Gay Culture); this is going to be a viscous mauling.
Houston +9* at Tennessee
That’s right, I’m going right back into the deep end. I like this Houston team, and it’s not just because I love to say Wali Lundy (doesn’t hurt). His running will open up the field for Carr, the deceptive non-bust, to hit his fast and physical receivers. Tennessee licks donkey balls.

*both lines have been teased six points


Angelos said...

Isn't that MauMo?

And "viscous" is either a typo or very well played. Not sure yet.

Signal to Noise said...

angelos, it's both.

I can't believe someone teased Chicago at SF at six points.

Captain Caveman said...

A viscous mauling? It's nice of the Bears to bring lube.

Unsilent Majority said...

the Niners will be torn into a soupy mess

Unsilent Majority said...

nice bet, but that's just a regular six pointer, a sweetheart would be nice as well.

Tman said...

The Titans will stomp Carr and his misguided Texans like a Grape.

Robaire Smith has been giving both the d-line and the o-line the inside scoop on Kubiaks schemes. It will be a slaughter, plain and simple.

Travis Henry is playing like someone stole his baby and he has to run through D-lines to get it back.

Plus The Vince Young Era is just getting warmed up here in Nashvegas.

The Titans will ruin your picks, mark my words.

Worldwide Reader said...

HOU +9

IND +9

TB +15

STL +15.5