Friday, October 13, 2006

Best things are green now pimpin' get your paper

Welcome to the Week 6 edition of our weekly feature Always Be Covering. The following is a small sampling of the games I'll be investing in when I wake up at 12:58 with a nasty hangover...really, I'm an expert.

While I may appear startlingly brilliant (or possibly not) you must remember that this is a humor site. If you take me too seriously you're likely to end up in worse debt than Maurice Clarett.

Cincinnati -6 at Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay gave me the fright of a lifetime last time out. Not only did I have the Saints in my suicide pool but I had a 3 team sweetheart teaser depending on their victory. Needless to say, last week tought me nothing. Whenever I picture Bruce Gradkowski all I see is a giant target, once again my sights are set and I'm eager to give up less than a touchdown. The guy has balls bigger than Parcells' tits but that doesn't mean he's going to cover against the best offense in the league.
It doesn't get any better than
the guys from No Mas.

Houston +13.5 at Dallas
Dallas Sucks, Irvin does blow...what more can I say? The trio of Carr, Johnson,and Moulds should provide enough highlights to keep things respectable. Besides, betting against TO warms the cockles of my heart (what the fuck is a cockle?) editor's note: it's a ventricle dumbass...we have editors?!

Atlanta -3 vs. New York Futbol Giants
Isn't betting against your team's division rivals fun? Yeah, it's risky, but if the Giants and Cowgirls both lose I'll be happier than a little girl. Atlanta's welcoming Jon Abraham back into the fold while the Giants will have to go on the road to prove that last week wasn't an abberation (if there is a God then that was an abberation). There's an asskicking on the horizon.

Shy-lock of the Week (2-0 so far)
(2 teams, 6 point tease)Another gentile in disguise

New Jersey +3 vs. Joey Harrington
Whale's Vagina -4.5 at San Francisco
I've been racking my brain for hours trying to remember the last time I bet on the Jets...I've got nothin'. But does it even matter at this point? Of course not, this is Joey Harrington we're talking about. In his first start of the year he earned a push, I don't think Mangina will go so easy (Belichick's a opposed to a mangina). As far as the Chargers go...well they are just buck fucking nasty. Alex Smith is going to be tasting Shawne Merriman's meast for weeks to come.


Rob I said...

I swear to God, my lawyer looks just like that.

Unsilent Majority said...

uhoh...please mr. bodog, give me my pretzel moneys

Mike said...

Why do you refer to San Diego as 'Whale's Vagina'? It's a slow Saturday here in North Tijuana...

Mike said...

thank you.