Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Unsilent Majority Enters the Pit of Temptation

Today is Day Three of Unsilent "If the Colts lose two in a row I'll give up masturbation for a month" Majority's attempt to go a month without masturbating, and we're eager to catalogue his adventure. You know, for posterior. Er, posterity.

Being the good friend that I am, I checked up on ol' Maj today.

Me: Hey Maj, how you holdin' up? I masturbated AND had sex yesterday, and I'm already kinda horny again. I don't know how you're doing it.
Maj: die

I'd say he's doing pretty well, all things considered. Just four more weeks to go!

The rest of us in the Gay Mafia have been wondering what might be kicking around in UM's fantasies, and we enlisted the help of fifth Beatle Dan V. to bring some ideas to life. For example, here's pre-preggers Halle Berry with preggers Halle Berry's cleavage:

Alicia Keys with a crop of green to be smoked:

(Substitute Alicia for Miss Gossip and the pot for a wall of scotch, and it's suddenly a Captain Caveman fantasy.)

Maj also harbored countless schoolboy fantasies about the Baroness from G.i Joe. Just imagine if she took the Redskins' coaching woes into her own hands:

Former Cowboys cheerleader and occasional sex scene star Sarah Shahi sports some vintage Air Jordans:

And finally...

Our collective imagination is not only exceptionally twisted, it's also terrifyingly accurate. Good luck holding out, Maj. Stay strong.


Unknown said...

How did you know today is my birthday? Thank you for the super fine Halle picture- best gift I've gotten so far!

Unsilent Majority said...

absolutely amazing...except for the part about Jordans. I'd never buy anything with the mark of Satan adorning the tongue.

(Substitute Alicia for Miss Gossip and the pot for a wall of scotch, and it's suddenly a Captain Caveman fantasy.)

hey, that's still a Maj fantasy too!

Sarah said...

Fucking awesome. I'll win this bet yet, Punter.

MyBoysAreMyLife said...

Sarah Schrono-graphy!! Awesome!! a head even more fucked up than agent zero.

the Associated Dress said...

I'm out.

lost said...

let maj's imagination do the work,

for example:

esther baxter doing the dishes in an oversized, ribbed men's 'beater.

from your closet.

nann underneath.

jackin'4beats said...

You mean this Esther Baxter?

Good luck staying celibate with that photo running around in your head Maj.

Pepster said...

Good Gawd! Thank you for that j4b!!! Good think that I am not Maj!

lost said...

You mean this Esther Baxter?

There's always the bootleg Esther Baxter, aka Khrysti Hill.

Picture if you will, Maj, Ms. Hill in low rise jeans and a too-tight white tee, running, late for the Green Line.

*doors closing*.

as the operator tries to time it so as to catch dat donkey in the door.

Man, DC is not conducive to withholding ejaculate.

Jim U. said...

Women of Seattle look out, your'e getting the Sex Cannon for a full game.

Upstate Underdog said...

Pit of Temptation, I like to refer to a woman's vagina by that name.

Steve said...

You know, I was just thinking...whenever saying "If ___ loses, I won't masturbate for a month..." the opposing team should not be a team that went 14-2 the previous season...even if Norv Turner is the coach...

Silverback 55 said...

I don't mean to threadjack but the Sex Cannon is offically the starter this weekend.

JAMMQ said...

Fucking Marines, always setting fire to shit and then running off.