KSK Kollaborative Kaption Kontest
KSK Reader Raphael was good enough to send us this Hi-Def screen grab of Peyton Manning on the bench in the midst of the Colts' loss to San Diego on Sunday. Yes, we're still talking about the Sunday night game, especially since last night's game was like watching painted grass drying, while growing. Anyway, we've decided to open this up to the floor. The ground rules:
1) No references to AIDS, the jungle, or sub-Saharan Africa, and
2) Just kidding, there are no ground rules.
We'll kick it off, then you can slice like a fucking hammer in the comments.
127 comments:
Ow, my ass.
When I Chant D-Fence: It Includes You!
"I can't wait to get out of the jungle so I can try to cure the AIDS I contracted in sub-Saharan Africa. Oh yeah, my younger brother is a fucking 'tard."
God I miss Kenny.
Some how, some way... this is Matt Ufford's fault.
This is my best impersonation of my old man Archie, Dab Nabit!
Khaaaaaan!
"On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!"
Marvin, for the last time, get away from those fucking dolphins!
Or...
No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Boy, that pre-game spread sure left me constipated.
FrankenQB must eat BRAIINSS
Must... not... masturbate.
Damn it Sorgi, sit down right Meow!
Sorgi, I'm gonna have an orgy with your entrails and organs, and then I'm gonna strangle Vinatieri with 'em.
Vanderjagt !
Maj is going to be SO pissed!
I am not an elephant! I am not an animal! I am a human being! I am a man!
PALPATINE: Power! Unlimited power!
I can has extra chromosome?
"Khaaaaaan!" F-ing awesome, I'm still laughing.
"You are good to me master. I'm sorry. "
I've got multiple nephews and a neice, I've had to listen to Quasimodo about 4,000 times in the last few years.
Sorgi remains missing. The only clue in his disappearance is a bloody clipboard, found in a rest area men's room off I-70. Foul play is suspected.
"Think you're getting more 'face' time than me Norv?"
"I hope John and Al are mentioning how the rain, y'know, affects things."
"When is this Writers Guild Strike going to end!!! I miss NCIS already!"
"Damn, my face has been stuck like this ever since Cromartie popped my O-ring"
Get this fucking game over with! I've got a Daewoo commercial shoot I've got to get to!
Unngghhhh...well, Coach can stop looking for that lost crucifix.
I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Sorgi nipples!
"Country music singers suck cock like this..."
"Quellek... by Grabthar's hammer... by the Sons of Warvan... you shall be... avenged!!! "
THIS IS SPARTA!
TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!!!!!!!
(that means you too Dungy)
I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you.
"SEDAGIVE"?!?
FIRE...BAD!!!
... and if I push on Sorgi's head, Peyton's neck comes up. Cool, huh?
FUCK! Eli's gonna be all, "So...I only threw 2 INTs. How'd YOU do?" That fuckin' panzy. FUUUUUUUCK!!!!
Fuck it. At least the Pats didn't win either. What? Bye week? FUUUUCCCCKKK!
Captain Howdy, do you think my mom's pretty? Captain Howdy? Captain Howdy, that isn't very nice!
This is more homosexual than when I saw Bill Simmons and Collin Cowherd make out... on my DIRECT TV.
The blood is life... and it shall be mine.
Private Joker: Are those... live rounds?
Private Gomer Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.
Hey Jimmy? You were right...my attempt at being Rex Grossman for a week has been successful. Wait, what? He won yesterday?
You know what Sorgi? I swear to everything holy that your mother will cry when she sees what I've done to you!!!!
For the last time Sorgi, you're not fucking starting next week!
"I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn't want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key."
Shut up QUADO!!!
"Put the fucking lotion in the basket! "
DAMMIT NORV! GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
+1 Pemulis.
"What is the law?"
"Don't walk on all fours"
Dad, come on...that hurts.
Look, at least I can do a good impression of a snapping turtle.
I didn't break the law.... I AM THE LAW
Quaaaaaaid....start the reactor.
I'm like King Midas in reverse here. Everything I touch turns to shit.
(thanks Tony)
@Sisto
+1
"It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose AGAIN!"
Sorgi: "Peyton, what is best in life?"
Peyton: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!"
Sorgi, get me the Pepto Bismol! NOW!
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.
ANIMAL! A-NI-MAL!
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
"Hey, want to see my impression of Nicholson in The Shining?"
sorgi: clever girl...
peyton: *attacks and kills sorgi
It makes the chip shot from within
Or else it gets the hose again
"Sorgi, I've been watchin' you and I know that you know that I've been watchin' you. How would you like to fuck me up the ass? When I bend over... START FUCKING!"
"'And I FEEEEL iiit! And I FEEEL iiit!.' Sorgi, I'monna burn this and give it back to you tomorrow, k?"
what is that peculiar oder?
blaaaarrrruuuuurrrreeeeeehhhhuuuppp!
hmmm yes, peyton... allright then.
IM CHARGIN MA LAZZZERRSSS
"Hey, Vanderjagt! FUCK YOU" "Peyton, it's me Jim." "Vinatieri? Ah, then you're OK."
I'm late to the game, but I'll use this audio clip for the win.
Sorgi: Nice weather we're having.
Peyton: What are you, a fucking weatherman?
Peyton Manning, right, is the chairman of NADS (Neanderthals Afflicted with Downs Syndrome) and had this to say following his 6 INT performance Sunday, "Peyton make Doodie Pants."
Is Peyton looking at me? I think he's looking at me. I hope he's not mad. Oh shit I think he's mad. Don't look, Jim, stay in your happy place.
"...I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW here Sorgi, you took the FUCKING BUS!"
Holy shit Pey-Pey, interception number 6 looks REALLY bad on the Jumbo-Tron...What are you doing with a chainsaw at a football game?
Peyton: "I'm going to count to three. There will be no four. When I count three, so help me, if you're not outta my fuckin' face I'm eating your children tonight. You got that Sorgi?"
Sorgi: "Uh, can I ask a question?"
Peyton: "Three. You just did numbnuts and now your children will be mine with hot sauce, bitch."
"Am I the only one who gives a shit about the rules?? MARK IT ZERO!"
love my neck...want it back
Throw the rock, Mitch!
Hey asshat, the league's already got a #12 with an inflated sense of self-importance.
Yeah! Get him a body bag!
Must..not...become...Eli.
"You think i'm shit, Jim Sorgi? Well, you're wrong, 'cause I'm champagne, and you're shit. Until the day you die, Jim Sorgi, you, not me, will always be shit"
"Peyton, look in the place where you dare not look and you find me there--staring back at you."
"Get out of my mind!"
Or:
Peyton: "I'm a soldier, man, a fucking soldier!"
Sorgi: "Damn, you need a hug or a role model or something."
@pistol and nhz: good ones
I drive a dodge stratus!
Rose....bud.
I used to think lockjaw was an old wives tale but man, this shit hurts!
omg I really have to poop!
this is a laser rocket arm, the strongest laser rocket arm known to man. i hit you with this, itll leave a two foot hole going out the other side. now i know youre wondering, can i hit one of my own players today? well, do you feel lucky? do ya, punk?
Peyton: "So I got benched for this guy? The jackoff from 'Blue's Clues'? I thought you were fuckin' dead."
peyton: "i'm so angry i could kick this bench right now only if it was made of something fluffy!"
jim: "memo, first thing in the morning: call hairdresser and arrange session for thursday. need to fix this hair over sideburns asap"
i sure hope magic johnson will let me borrow his aids cure
Sloth love Chunk.
"If i don't look at him, he won't won't hurt me"
WHY WON'T THE BITCH GET AN ABORTION?!
BRAAADDDYYYY!!!!
@ don't call me shirley:
Yeah, that's going to be tough to top.
"Oh Hamburgers."
"Don't you fucking look at me!"
"like you've never thrown an interception...MORON!!!!"
I am Peyton's Raging Bile Duct
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
...
God of my day, day, day
Lord of my night, night, night
Seek for the way, way, way
Taking me home
"I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!"
"Hey, knob bobber, this is where YOUR dick goes!"
"AHHHHH...I found the f'ning missing kicking tee!!! Venatari, YOU Dick!!!"
Peyton: Sorgi.
Sorgi: Stay away.
Peyton: Darling. Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in. Ha, ha.
"I don't know what that blasted shark is gonna do with it - might eat it, I suppose. Seen one eat a rockin' chair one time."
Sorgi! CLipboard! Fuck!
didn't see this yet...
"CUNT!"
simple, effective, and the ladies love it.
Sorgi, for the fuckin' sixth time, stop watching the damn "Interception Montage"!
AAAHHHH! That's a warface. Sorgi, if you don't make one soon, I'm going to gauge out your eyeballs and skullfuck you!
My name's Chucky, wanna plaaaaayyy?
I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper.
Jimmy, you still up for Dave and Busters after the game?
I AM SPARTICUS!
"This is my angry yawn, when I get so pissed off I become sleepy!"
"Be ready! Cause I tend to get 'handsy' in the shower after a loss."
wv: ytevstao
Speaking as a Steve Smith owner: Y testaverde? indeed
"Dreembot sez 'Cheez' fer Khamruh!"
HOTWATERBURNBABY
HOTWATERBURNBABY
FUCK YOU, that's my name!
If you don't make eye contact then Mannings won't attack. They're more scared of you than you are of them, actually.
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