Friday, December 1, 2006

Steve Irwin Memorial Meast Of The Week - Week 12 (And What Did Sexy Rexy Say?)

People are loving the Sex Cannon that is Rex Grossman these days. They can't enough of his wild neck stubble, smug facial expressions (I heard Duke gave him an honorary degree), and devil-may-care passitude. The man is a menace. A sexy, large-cocked menace waiting to impregnate end zones with his massive deep balls.

But some people aren't so amused. As the Bears try and put the division away this weekend against the Vikings, safety Darren Sharper has dared to accuse the Cumslinger of talking trash after throwing the winning touchdown in Minneapolis during the two teams' first meeting back on Sep. 24. What was said shook Sharper's foundations to the very core:

In 10 years in the league I haven't had a quarterback do that any time to me, so we definitely remember that and the guys in the locker room remember that.

You hear that, Grossman? Football players don't bother to remember things. But, in your case, they will make a notable exception. Even Grossman admitted he may have gone too far:

I probably said some things that I regret, but the whole game their DB's were talking to me, just really getting under my skin a little bit and probably more than I should have allowed it to.

Now, there have been some pretty great trash talking QB's in NFL history. The best, of course, was Ron Powlus ("This is our house! Apparently, I think I'm still in college even though this is the preseason and I'm playing mop-up for the Titans!"). But Grossman has now set the bar at a new level. What could he have said to make a veteran like Sharper so pissed off? Perhaps you commenters would like to chime in. Here are my ideas:

-"The dragon's been unleashed! Taste my FIAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
-"Sexy Rexy just kicked you outta bed."
-"You just experienced another patented Sexy Rexy Throwgasm."
-"Without Asante Samuel around, I can fucking do what I want."
-"Not bad. Considering my intended target was Duluth."
-"Go fuck your mother. Yeah, I said it. You just got Oedipus Rexed."
-"Fifty years ago we'd have you hanging upside down with a fork in your ass!"
-"That one was for the motherfucking Rexettes!"
-"In Soviet Bear-Viking game, Rex rape and pillage you!"
-"Let's see you throw a pass that pretty, Sharper. Oh wait, I forgot. You're a fucking defensive back. You can't throw shit. You're just a receiver who can't catch. Taste my jellied cum."
-"You know the video for 'Just' by Radiohead? Yeah, well I know what the guy says at the end, you whore. He says, 'Lie the fuck down.' Which is what you bitches just did."

Your ideas welcome.

Oh, and the Meast of the Week is Bart Scott of the Ravens.

This is for the Pittsburgh game, not last night's Bengal loss. If Ray Lewis is God's linebacker, then Bart Scott is Bob Mould's linebacker. Because Bob Mould is better than God. Did God write "Celebrated Summer"? No, he did not. Suck it, God.

Sexy Rexy remains unimpressed either way.


Vee said...


"My dingy's bigger than your whole boat!"

Unsilent Majority said...

There's only one Sexy Rexy... "Why don't you all just fade away."

Grimey said...

"How's the taste from sugar heaven, bitch?"

Anonymous said...

No milk will ever be our milk Sharper.

the dude said...

I just double donged your defense!

peytonloveskenny said...

"Yo momma's so stupid she put me on her fantasy team."

Eric said...

Grossman actually tried to talk shit to Smoot, but he missed and hit sharper instead

Trader Rick said...

Shhhh...just try to relax, Darren. It will only hurt for a second.

wunderlichin' good said...

I disagree with this post not having a reference to thebigo. Not mentioning him is anti-black people.

booster said...

That eight foot viking horn's got nothing on Sexy Rexy

wunderlichin' good said...

"Writing about me is going to land Big Daddy Drew a spot making fun of Mexicans on a podcast baby!"

8hrdrive said...

Remove your phallic symbolled helmet from your ass, one Darren Sharper! Behold! I have just penetrated your endzone and smeared my pearly white across the grill of your lovely mother!

Claude Balls said...

You went to William & Mary? That's a girl's school, ain't it, bitch? Now, go iron my shirts.

Claude Balls said...

We just shoved the ball up your fucking asses!! And we ain't givin' you no reach around neither.

doug_plank said...

You are about to become a two time Rex Offender.

I know it doesn't make sense.

Trader Rick said...

I am who you thought I was--a worthy fuckin' adversary. Crown my ass!

T.J. said...

Claude Balls, I challenge you to a duel...obviously, Sharper spent too much time at Swem Library and ended up like most of the sensitive douchebags my alma mater spits out annually.

amweisberg said...

Rex0808 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you a haand job this weekend

DSharp42 (7:46:38 PM): lol no

Rex0808 (7:46:40 PM): im single right now

DSharp42 (7:46:57 PM): my last gf and i broke up a few weeks agi

Rex0808 (7:47:11 PM): are you

Rex0808 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny

DSharp42 (7:47:29 PM): lol…a bit

Rex0808 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself

DSharp42 (7:48:04 PM): no

DSharp42 (7:48:16 PM): been too tired and too busy

Rex0808(7:48:33 PM): wow…

Rex0808 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha

DSharp42 (7:48:51 PM): haha

Rex0808(7:50:02 PM): or tired..helps me sleep

Juancho said...

It's Friday and there's no cheerleader pics?!? Come on!!!

How am I supposed to make it through the work day?

Big Daddy Drew said...

awful chief wins.

The Last Unitard said...

Drew is my hero. Celebrated Summer is the best song in the world.

Go Bob.
Go Vikes.
Fuck Grossman and his creepy drawn-on eyebrows.

Claude Balls said...


Why would you want to duel a fellow alum?

swing4 said...

"Your sister is a terrorist whore."

Vance23 said...

"Run youth cur. And tell the other curth the law ith coming. You tell them Reth Grothman ith coming, and heth bringinth hell with thim"

cecil_espy said...

Fuck it, I went relatively deep.

Signal to Noise said...

"Hey, Sharper, have Smoot call Al 'n Alma's. Sexy Rexy is all for space docking, and touchdown is only a shot away."

peb said...

So if Ray Lewis is God and Bart Scott is Bob Mould, is Adalius Thomas the Grant Hart of the Ravens? And who would be the guy with the big handlebar mustache? I'd vote for Haloti Ngata.

MoonshineMike said...

Celebrated Summer is great of course, but fights along side "Girl who lives on Heaven Hill" on that album. And of course "ways to skin a cat"

That album shreds from start to finish. Time to dig it back out.

poopsmcgee said...

Meast makes me think of yeast, which makes me think of yeast infection.

jackin'4beats said...

Darren, didn't you got to college at Bill and Bitch? Suck on this sexy rexy fastball you pansy.

Coloneloftruth said...