Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Bengals Get Another Entry On Their Permanent Record: A Loss At Indy

The Colts' D, who haven't stopped the run all year, stopped the run. They shut us the fuck down. Depressing, especially since it's the first Bengals game I've had the chance to watch since we were beat down by New England. Everyone has been recycling Miami Hurricanes jokes from the 1990s making jokes about how none of our players can stay out of trouble. I say, just like every other fan of his/her team would say when trouble strikes, "As long as we're winning, it's all good." This isn't a Pampered Chef party.

Someone needs to break it down to Bengals HNIC Marvin Lewis. Marv, my man, what is the point of benching your best DB in a game against Peyton Manning? Yeah, The Rogg called you up. Fuck that guy. HE isn't trying to make the playoffs. Deltha got arrested, fine, but you still gotta play him (do I get time of work when I get arrested?), especially when:
a) His assignment is one of the premeire receivers in the league, and
b) His replacement is white.

You're gonna play a white DB against Peyton Manning? Hey, that's great. And while you're in such a opportunistic mood, why not double your fun and play some Jews and Chinamen? Does anybody even say "Chinamen" anymore? No? Fuck it, I'm bringing "Chinamen" back. Them other fuckers don't know how to act. Wang, let me make up for all the things you lack. Somethin somethin.

Oh, and we finally found out where Merton Hanks' neck vertebrae went after all these years; they're lodged up his ass.

It was reported during the Monday Night game that Hanks, the spastic 49ers defensive back turned gestapho league uniform inspector got a load of the new shoes that Chad Johnson was busting out for the Indy game that Hanks FINED HIM DURING WARM-UPS for wearing the shoes, and then THREATENED TO PULL HIM FROM THE GAME unless he changedn them. Ocho Cinco relented. So, not only is Hanks a puddle of imperialistic cocksnot, Merton Hanks also seems to be Chad Johnson's mom.

But this incident was just a microcosm of the general-unwelcomeness/skullfucking that the Bengals received on MNF last night. It was brutal, especially now that locking up that playoff berth will take at least another week. I liken this game to opening the big box under the Christmas tree, only to find a bunch of pants and shit. Who the fuck wants pants?


gone said...

Waiiiiiit, I thought the Hurricanes were STILL getting into trouble - what with one of them being shot in the ass during an "attempted" robbery, and the gi-normous fight they participated in. Not to mention any of the other things one can google about them.

But I got to give you props for HNIC - that shit made me laugh.

And it might even be plausible to say Darrell Green could not cover Harrison - Harrison is way too good.

Admin said...

i like the game..but no much into it..

Signal to Noise said...

For my part, I've been resisting the re-use of jokes about Tha U in the 90s.

I've gone with recycling 90s Cowboys jokes and more recent ones about the Portland Trail Blazers.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Deltha did play, just didn't start.

That being said, the HNIC (I love that) should have started cracking down a LONG time ago. Cincy was supposed to be a world beater this year--now they're just wife beaters. And drunk drivers. And other types of felons. Way to go, Marvin.

Wickedmick said...

I heard that Leon Lett and Michael Irvin were giving the Bengals off-season pointers on how to be superbowl contenders, oh wait maybe it was Ray Lewis and Jamel Lewis....

PUNTE said...

Deltha did play, just didn't start.

Good catch; of course that's what I meant.

Anonymous said...

Since the door has been opened for Justin Timberlake discussion, I want to take him for going on SNL and giving me a few last minute gift ideas.
I'll be givin' my lady my dick in a box this Christmas.

(if you don't know, youtube)

The Last Unitard said...

Et tu, Carson? Et tu, Rudi? 12-1-1. Nine consecutive wins. Total domination of the regular season... early playoff exit. And no, the ironing is not lost on me that Corky Manning's team caused this ensaddening event.

Anonymous said...

^thank, not take

jackin'4beats said...

11-3, #1 seed playing the #8 seed in the first round of the playoffs AFTER surviving Drew Brees thinking he was the last coming of Daryl Lamonica last week.

I get the sh*t kicked outta me because of the big ol' fetus head Manning. F*CK! I really hate that guy now more than anything else in this world.

I could taste the trophy, or is that the bukkake? Anyway, Peyton Manning is officially on my list to get lead piped in the knee after a game.

Scrappled said...

Also, MMP, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

Jez said...

Actually, Mike North of the Mike North Morning Show on WSCR in Chicago, got reemed for calling some guy on the Cubs a Chinaman. His "non-apology" apology was hilarious. It came between two commercials. After it was over, I was like, "What the fuck?"