Friday, December 22, 2006

This Holiday Season Give the Gift of a Parlay!

Welcome to the Week 16 edition of Always Be Covering, the following is a random sampling of games that look appealing. If you bet them and lose it is your fault, if you win I expect a cut of the money or your first born daughter.

Requisite Christmas Cheer!
Down and out KSK reader or Jeremy Shockey circa 2015?

You are probably an idiot, just send us your money. We could use it to buy that donkey that MMP's had his eyes on.

Pontifical Parlay
America's Team -3 @ NY Giants
Remember that "home" game New Orleans had to play in the Swamplands (it's not a meadow you fucktards)? Well the Saints remember it vividly...except for Reggie Bush, although I imagine he was all up in Katrina Kaif around that time (at least that's what I'd be doing if I was Reggie Bush). The bitches in blue have one win in their last six "efforts" and they're more likely to throw the world's gayest temper tantrum than cover a spread.

Unsilent's Team +2 @ St. Louis
Laugh if you want, but St. Louis is fucking terrible. They're 1-5 ATS in their past six while the Redskins are 3-1-1 in their past five. Washington is finally starting to play relatively well while St. Lou's season is going about as well as a Chinua Achebe novel.

Talmudical Teaserboth games teased six points

Indy -4 @ Houston

It's time for the Colts to get serious, the playoffs are coming and they can snag home field from the Chargers. The Texans are just fucking awful, it's not even funny anymore. Fortunately they've been scheduled for an unprecedented (outside of Texas) 53 man execution this February...alright, they're still a little funny.

Kansas City -1 @ Black Hole of Civilization

As bad as Houston might be Oakland is even worse. They should have been left to die in the forest like a redheaded child by now. LJ better put up a season high, otherwise LT won't let him be his oil boy in Hawaii.

Did I just pick all road teams? This should be interesting.


Christmas Ape said...

Glad you went with Achebe in describing the Rams' season instead of following your totally not white thought process to The Roots. In that case, I would have thought Scott Linehan had revived the debunked science of Phrenology to scout the least competent players possible by their sloping brow.

Either that or they'd be asking if I want more, which I emphatically do not.

Unsilent Majority said...

that's some good commenting ape.

Mike said...

I'm never one to complain about Sarah Silverman, but I'm getting the impression that our favorite Jewess's matzoh balls are starting to sag as she approaches the ass-end of her thirties.

Damn, I knew I should've fucked her when I had the chance back in '98. But I was so fascinated by the goddamn schikses!

(Ok, I never had the chance to fuck her, and she would've been the one MOT that I deigned to bag if the opportunity arose. But those titties are looking droopy, you gotta admit.)

Unsilent Majority said...

She's not Scarlett by any means

J said...

that's a perfectly sized hole in the sheet/shirt in that picture with sarah silverman.. if you know what i mean, and i think you do.. i. think. you do.

EPS said...

Oh shit, its a chanuka miracle that my day walking ginger ass has not been left out in the forest to die after all these years!

evan said...

The combination of a Things Fall Apart reference (I read that in middle school and it's still fucking me up, killing those babies), my Rohto-V eyedrops for super chiefers and the end of Hanukkah created a single tear which rolled down my cheek.

Take the Fish +1 at home and everyone who wants is welcome to come have bad chinese food and herbal refreshments at my house on Christmas.

Signal to Noise said...

Taking the Broncos (-3) at the Diaphragm (fuck Invesco) because if Cincinnattica can't score against the Colts' D, they got problems. Plus, there will be leftover snow and it will not be pretty.

This all is subject to change if Chris Henry or anyone else gets busted before the game.

Unsilent Majority said...

blow me, that's when

fallex said...

nice, um.

The ironing is delicious on the mag cover by the way.

Mike said...

What, no Shusaku Endo reference?

Thanks for this walk down awkward teenage years memory lane. It's bad enough I'm at work today.

Unsilent Majority said...

i never did learn how to read japanese.

evan said...

What you fellas gonna do now that Simmons is giving the gay mafia a well deserved George Michael?

Linky poo

diesel said...

FACT: Don't trust the picks of a jew at Christmas time.

Come on UM, isn't it enough that you guys will have all of the ethnic restaurants and movie theaters to yourselves? You've got to try and trick the goyim into picking road teams in divisional games? Can't we all just get along???

P.S. Want some ham?

Unsilent Majority said...

only if you put it on some white bread with miracle whip and a tall glass of milk!

KC and Oakland could play on Mercury and it wouldn't make a difference

gone said...

Man oh man, there is too much Jewishness being thrown around today. Yeesh.

Even a Sloth can't handle the Jew today. I'm just gonna go look at the cheerleaders.

diesel said...

UM said:only if you put it on some white bread with miracle whip and a tall glass of milk!

Are you sure you want Miracle Whip instead of Hellman's? I've got real Hellman's here. The "Miracle Whip" is in a non-descript generic jar that says "salad dressing". The good news is that I don't just have white bread, I have Wonder bread! (and the milk is 2% - with the 12 pack of non-lite beer consumed daily, a dude has to make some sacrifices. No pain, no gain).

twoeightnine said...

That's because of the exchange rate.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Boy, it's nice to see a woman with real tits on this blog for a change. Then again she bangs Jimmy Kimmel, so -10 for that.