Friday, December 8, 2006

I like the way you walk, when you walk on by I like the way you move, I like you baby

Got that good hair too...I like girls with that light complexion, look...I can't help it...I'm a victim...the man has programmed my condition...even my conditioning has been conditioned.

I couldn't think of a better way to introduce you to my new love than by quoting the lyrics of one of the best songs off of one of the best albums of all time (and quoting the song's hilarious intro which was sampled from the forgotten movie Chameleon Street). Now I'd like you all to meet my future, her name is Michelle and she's a local.

This my friends, is a well-built young woman.

Even though she's a Maryland Terrapin (what are you too good for Howard?) Michelle is perfect for me, just take a look at some of her favorite things.

Food: I love so many foods I can't choose.
Yeah, I'm right there with you sweetie. This is only a good thing as long as she stays in game shape.

Music: I like everything from country to rap, but hip hop is my favorite for the moment.
Country? I'm just going to assume that's her way of pandering to all the misfit Redskins fans.

Band/Singer: Jadakiss
Now I know it's meant to be! My old fantasy football league was called the D Blockers (and I love LOX on my bagels).

Book: "Girl With a Pearl Earring"
Well I was hoping for something slightly different. How about we change the earring to a necklace and "book" to "magazine" and we're in business.

Redskins Player: Ladell Betts
You've got to love a hot ass cheerleader who roots for the backup. Of course Ladell is the man, but she'd never leave me for him. He's Mike Sellers' bitch.

Movie: Office Space
Office Space
is definitely not my favorite movie, but I wouldn't expect to see Rashomon. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

TV Show: House

I really did enjoy House for awhile (now that shit's all fucked up), of course I'd watch anything as long as I could rest my head on an ample bosom.

Cartoon: South Park
Michelle, you are the most beautiful woman in the World...of Warcraft.

Describe your perfect date: As long as I'm having fun, it's perfect.
CHEAP! More money for booze!

What is your favorite thing to do when you're not at practice: Relax!
I assume that when she says "relax!" she really means "nap after full day of fucking!"

An intrepid reader happened to notice Michelle's favorite saying, "You never know until you try."
Rumph!!! Rumph!!! Rumph!!!

Michelle's Bio


Christmas Ape said...

I hope Shawne Merriman didn't get to her at Maryland.

I'm wondering why I didn't though.

What? Out of my league? Right-o.

swing4 said...

She's a 25-year old, Scorpio (read: naughty), bartending, cheerleading, undergraduate? I thought they only existed National Lampoons movies.

gone said...

They also exist in my nighttime AND daytime dreams Swing...

So just like Unicorns and magical ponies... those kind of girls are real.

Anonymous said...

Can I make a suggestion for next week's cheerleader?
Good, Valerie from the Eagles. Then I can subtly infer that I banged her in college even though I didn't; I banged her sister, who is 85% as hot, but still pretty damn hot. Well, anyway, mission accomplished

4giantsfans said...

She's mine UM!! Mine you hear me!! You know why, because I live in Jersey, that's why!?!?

Sorry, bad drunken flashback...

4giantsfans said...

Nice Chris Simms video.

The Big Picture said...

Dude UM, i bet she's down with a pearl necklace too. you know this girl's a freak.

Unsilent Majority said...


Captain Caveman said...

Your daddy works in porno
Now that mommy's not around
She used to love her heroine
But now she's underground
So you stay out late at night
And you do your coke for free
Drivin' your friends crazy
With your life's insanity

WV: gnerhmo -- Guns n Roses has an HMO?

becky said...

I have no idea what's going on anymore...I'm losing my damn mind and desperately need a drink and...and...hahahahahahaha pearl necklace hahahaha. hee.

gone said...

Resist the temptation UM, resist it, be strong, think of Michelle and Portis and Moss...I know you can do it!

Signal to Noise said...

That mocha latte did her pilates...damn.

Clarett's Bail Bonds said...

Can we suggest pick up lines to use on her?
OK, Good!

"Was your daddy a meat burglar? 'Cause it looks like someone stole 2 fine Christmas hams and stuffed them in your pants."

that one should do it.

Unsilent Majority said...

I prefer Chico

8hrdrive said...

"Hi, have a little French in you?....

shit, I used that one 3 weeks ago.

"You have a nice smile, I'd like to stick my cock in it."

too bold?

"You're the prettiest girl in the whole wide world."

that'll work.

MoonshineMike said...

I wonder if she feared the turtle.