Monday, October 22, 2007

KSK ExKlusive: Peyton Manning's Most Personal Thoughts Revealed!

We're proud to announce that despite a complete lack of computer skills we've managed to hack into Peyton Manning's e-diary! Here's the first of what will hopefully be many in a look at the little girl living inside the man.

October 19, 2007

Dear Diary,

Can you believe that Ashley just tried to have sex with me?


Like I told her on our wedding night, only one woman touches Pey-Pey and her name is Mom. I have sex with my wife the same way I have sex with you Mr. Diary, by busting a perfectly straight line down the spine. I've got control like Julia Child with a pastry bag, once a year I even write Happy Birthday on her back (I can't get full release when those boobs are bouncing all over the place). But seriously, she should know better by now; sex with women is number three on my list of fears behind Hillary Clinton and ghost dads.

Here's a list of5 things I'd do before putting Pey-Pey inside of a woman's kitty cat...

1. Have gay relations with a cute little country music star
2. Defer any credit to Jim Caldwell
3. Quit acting
4. Call a real audible
5. Beat Florida

I don't see what more she could possibly want from me. One time I even let her get a glimpse of Pey-Pey and the twins. That was the first time I conducted a public viewing since the thing with the whorish trainer at UT.

Gotta run to practice...big game on Monday Night! TTYL!


SlickBomb said...

Beat Florida

Love it.

MyBoysAreMyLife said...

Pey-Pey probably looks too much like the state of Florida. He chokes when playing either of the 2.

Clock Cleaner said...

jesus. kornheiser mentions tom brady and the patriots every fucking chance he gets.

"And Peyton completes that pass..."
"You know Peyton is showing the world that he's right there with Tom Brady with that completion..."

Fuck off

TroubleHelix said...

He's right about Ghost Dads

David said...

@ clock:
Did you catch Berman's last second addition of Farve to the Peyton/ Brady gangbang? It's just not an NFL pregame show unless all three get to join in on spunking the media's collective colon until it's stuffed like some foul bratwurst of the damned.

Shaun Murray said...

more disturbing than the idea of SHUBing

big skinny said...

Was there really an incident with a whorish trainer at UT?

brad said...

"Only one woman touches Pey-Pey and her name is Mom."

Last song playing on my car radio: Aerosmith, "Janie's Got a Gun."

Unknown said...

Thrilled to see where this goes. Does Pey have any thoughts on losing the heisman to a defensive player or dog-fighting?