Friday, October 19, 2007

Boom Boom Chuck, It's the Re-Up!

...that song blows

You want I should loan you some money?

Welcome back for the Week 7 edition of Always Be Covering.

So it's the week every gambler dreads, the first week that he has to dip into his financial reserves. Personally, I took advantage of Drew's past generosity by cashing in a few of the barrybonds he got me last Christmas (I can overlook gentile gift-giving assuming said gift has hard cash value...or chocolate shaped money). Obviously I've been a bit reckless with some of my winnings (but I thought teasers always win) so it's time to tighten up, think conservatively, and just cover baby!

Or not.

Let's do a fuckin' teaser instead, they never lose!

The Get Rich Or Die Tryin' Was a Piece of Shit Bet of the Week

4 Team Teaser (6.5). 50 to win 125

NY Giants -2.5 vs. San Francisco
Trent Dilfer? Check please.

Dallas -3.5 vs. Purple Jesus and Bald Judas
That's sweeter than Cowgirl pussy, and just as hairless.

Pittsburgh +2.5 at Denver
As if Shanny's boys didn't suck before, now Javon's knee is is getting cut up like a teenager's milky white thigh. You know what happens next, he'll refuse to part with the bloody bandage until he spends some time mourning his scar tissue in Vegas.

Washington -2 vs. Arizona
Joe Gibbs doesn't lose to Arizona at home...ever. For a quick injury report, let's check in with CBS Sportsline's fantasy update.

Cardinals QB Kurt Warner has settled on a combination of tape and a brace to hold his injured elbow in place and says he's feeling good about being able to play Sunday at Washington.

This isn't your run-of-the-mill bad idea, it's like the time MIT girl went to the airport wearing an imitation bomb as an art project. Only that girl didn't have her left forearm torn off by Andre Carter. What do you think Larry Fitz?

"Anytime you hear `tear,' that's not good...also I was told there would be crackers."

Thanks Fitzy!

The Other Bet of Consequence
50 to win 47.62

New England -17 at Miami

Patriots--FUCK YEAH!

Have a good weekend, I know I will.


naptown drew said...

You should know better than to look for a guy named 50 Cent to make music worth more than, well, 50 cents.

jackin'4beats said...

Fiddy or Fitzy...


Upstate Underdog said...

Just like betting on NE, I would bet on anyone playing Atlanta right now.

Saints -9.

Peter Brown said...

"Pittsburgh +2.5 at Denver"???

Last I checked, the Steelers are *favored* by 3.5, not 2.5-point underdogs. Does that change your pick, smart guy?

Upstate Underdog said...

@peter brown, the line changes when you play teasers.

Big Daddy Drew said...

They call them teasers because you never get them.

UM, it's BarrAbonds. That's the correct way of spelling it incorrectly.

flubby said...

go sit in the corner, petard

Peter Brown said...

Aha. Learn something every day.

So I guess I'm the "smart guy" now.

jackin'4beats said...

Bearer Bonds: A bearer bond or bearer security is a certificate that represents a bond obligation of, or stock in, a corporation or other intangible property. It has been illegal since 1982 to issue bearer bonds in the municipal or corporate bond markets in the United States. Wyoming and Nevada still allow them, but their typical uses of shifting ownership to avoid legal obligations run afoul of tax rules.

It is different from normal stock in that no records are kept of the owner, or the transactions involving ownership. Whoever physically holds the bearer bond papers owns the stock or corporation. This is useful for investors and corporate officers who wish to retain anonymity. The downside is that in the event of loss or theft, bearer bonds are extremely difficult to recover. In Central America this is typically the standard procedure for owning and running companies.

While bearer instruments are rarely created as such, a holder of commercial paper with the holder designated as payee can change the instrument to a bearer certificate by an endorsement. The proper holder simply signs the back of the instrument and the instrument becomes bearer paper. This is most often done with negotiable instruments such as promissory notes or checks. Great care should be taken with the security of the endorsed instrument, as it is legally almost as good as cash.

I guess I'm the smart ass now.

/pats self on back vigorously.

Unknown said...

Fuck commercial paper in the HIDC.

/punches j4b in the back of the head vigorously

Jarrett said...

Norman Chad thinks this is a little too exaggerative.

jackin'4beats said...

HIDC? You mean this?

Shouldn't you be picking some tulips and repairing a few windmills?

gone said...

Is that Al Pacino playing a Jew?

dick_gozinia said...

Purple Jesus is gonna get that ass. He's gonna get 400 all-purpose yards and they'll still lose by 17.

brian! said...

People - I need some help here. I'm trying my god-damndest to become a degenerate gambler once again (my bookie retired), but FUCK is it hard to gamble online! Every site says that all the methods to make a payment aren't available to US citizens (Because Bush is a whoring cunt willow and congress banned it - what was that 2 years ago?).


Unsilent Majority said...

i've never had a problem with bodog (unless you try to withdrawal too much of your winnings at once...that's when they start in with the paperwork).