Friday, October 26, 2007

I Just Want You [to] Close

Welcome to the latest installment of Always Be Covering.

I've just returned from week out of town and I'm still trying to get caught up on my shit. Last week's failed teaser (imagine, a failed teaser!) and successful single bet (thanks Dreamboat, fuck you Matt Cassell) left me with a relatively even bankroll but I went and got greedy. After losing another late teaser (I'm firm in my belief that the Philadelphia Eagles should be lit on fire) Things were looking ugly, so I decided to go heavy on the Steelers. That was the second worst thing to happen to me on Sunday night (the sliding glass door to the hotel balcony locked behind me...i don't want to talk about it), but thank Jesus for the Indianapolis Colts (and that woman who heard my cries of desperation). I won the straight-up bet and the first half Colts/Under teaser to put me up roughly $13 for the week. That's the kind of comeback that will keep me in Dockers forever!

Let's get on with these picks, I have a full DVR to catch up on over here.

All bets are for $25 dollars, all of the remaining money will likely be squandered on college football games.

Cleveland -3 (-115) at St. Louis
Stephen Jackson says he's playing, so I'm already a bit nervous. I mean yeah, the Browns have done quite nicely in the department of coverage, but they're still the fucking Browns.

Indianapolis -7 at Carolina
Who plays quarterback for Carolina? You know what, nevermind, I don't really give a shit.

Pittsburgh Steelers -4 at Cincinnati
I have never spelled Cincinnati correctly in my entire life, then again, I think Babes In Toyland is more than a little bit Kevin Spacey. The Queen City? I thought as much. I think Steely McBeem is a top.

Washington +17 -115 at New England
STUPID FUCKING HOMER BET ALERT! Or is it ?(probably) I've bet on the Pats every single week this season so it's been easy to tell what's going on here. They kept covering so Vegas kept raising the spreads. Now they've gotten to the point where they just toss up 16.5 or 17 (excluding the Dallas game) and up until now it hasn't been a bad strategy. They've probably drawn the ideal 50/50 split amongst bettors who thought teams like Buffalo and Miami would hang. But now the Pats are playing an actual team (disclaimer: team may not have actual coach) with a defense rated in at or near the top of the league in every relevant category. I'm not saying that I'm picking my Skins to win outright, but Jesus fucking Siddhartha, they're certainly more capable than the incompetent pussybaskets of the AFC East.


Anonymous said...

Anetta Keys: also hot. (NSFW)

Wormfather said...

I think Steely McBeem is a top

Wrong: Steely McBeem is a bear.

jackin'4beats said...

I'd hit that.

I hate to say it, but the Redskins are standing on the track while the train is coming through.

Pats fans still suck though (truce be damned).

1972DavidBowieFromTheZiggyStardustTour said...

What's the over/under on the number of times Simmons fists himself with Curt Schilling's bloody sock during the Pats game this Sunday? Who cares, I'll take the over.

p.s. Funniest Arrested Develoment moment ever

Lloyd Christmas said...

"Wrong: Steely McBeem is a bear."

I think Steely McBeam is a power bottom.

Trader Rick said...

That +17 is really tempting, but considering how tired that defense will become after all the three-and-outs from the offense, it's not quite a lock. I hate to say this, Maj, but this game is prime teasing material.

Redskins +24
Colts (even)
Giants -2.5

-someone with a $0.00 balance

Otto Man said...

I think Steely McBeam is a power bottom.

Just like Danny DeVito on "It's Always Sunny..."

Stephen said...

Hard to figure all this out without a triangle graph.

lost said...

Hard to figure all this out without a triangle graph.

Yeah, I know what you mean

Steely's legs are kind of short, and he's got a huge skull. Does he wear the helmet or not?

It is kind of complicated.

ben said...

Another stupid homer here, doing the exact same thing.

I've won blood money off the Pats every week, until this one. I'm taking the 17. The Skins will lose, but I think they lose by 7-10.

Unknown said...

Another week of horrible picks. Thank you though, now I don't have to worry about laying much on Washington. said...

as a redskins fan who has no intention of betting on this game, I say "yes, take the point"

Simon said...

Apparently they are less competent than the AFC East...

Rusty said...

1. Alicia Keys is ugly.


I missed the first three quarters of the game due to travel considerations, but, man.

I've never been happier to see someone lose $25.

(Congrats on the other three games though.)