Friday, October 12, 2007

We Tried...

Your cheerleader is whats-her-face from some team. She has no face, or a head, even, but all the essential parts are there.

Before we close out the week, it's only fair to show you a behind-the-scenes glimpse of this humble blog's inner dealings.

A couple nights ago, our blog's fantasy football contest winner and resident shiksa Sarah Schorno sent us this humble and (seemingly) simple request:

Hey guys,

I've been offered a sports column for [redacted] and I need to come up with a name for it. It has to be provocative and slightly naughty yet still sports related. My editor wants to call it Sarah Schorno's Got Balls (which is awful).

A little about the column: it'll be a mix of profiles and commentaries on different sports, sports figures and issues. The commentaries will be similar to my Huffington Post pieces but much less buttoned up and more provocative.

I figured that you guys would have some insight and amidst the ridiculous suggestions you're all about to send me I might get something I can use.

- Sarah

Needless to say; this was a wonderful idea on her part. I mean, we're creative! Flubby even quipped, "If only there was a ribald word that rhymed with 'Schorno...'" Unfortunately, as the list below would indicate, that was as clever as the naming session would get, as we proceed to make the people that tried to name their kid "4real" look like a couple of Rhodes scholars.

You know, sometimes we hit gold when we throw something up here. Sometimes we don't. But keep in mind for every crappy Packers preview that you (can't) read in this space, there are scores of passages, fake interviews, and gimmickry that even we couldn't stomach seeing here.

Anyway, the list of suggested column names. Enjoy your weekend and the games.

Thanks For the Mammaries

Teacher Takes A Two-Pronged Dildo Up Her Oily Ass

Grass on the Field

The Poon Cut Crew

Sarah Schorno's Got Balls On Her Chin

Schornography (okay, I was impressed with this one)

Former Dorm Ho with Sarah Schorno

A is for Athletics...and My Cup Size

Will Fondle Jews For Sports Insight

Dirty Freddy Sanchez

Sarah's Position

Sports on Sarah

In The Tunnel With Sarah

Remember the Fallopians

We Are...Menstral !

Huffing On Post

Pole Position

Winning Streaker

The Penetrator

I Don't Mind Anal As Long As It Follows A Nice Meal

Monday Morning Cum Dumpster (Boo)

Medial Collateral Labbia

Head To Head with Sarah

Bumping Uglies with Sarah

Let Me Talk About Sports As I Hunt For My Child's Legitimate Father

Establishing the Pass with Sarah

Hoggin' Balls In Jersey

I Am Dickless But Still Kinda Know Stuff

Fluffin' Sports Weekly

The Last Girl Scout

Camel Turf Toe

I Wear Makeup Because Daddy Hates Me

Grand Theft Schorno

The Fifth Period, Which Is About Ten Days Late

The Slumpbuster

A Mouthful Of Comeuppance

Always Be Covering Up When The Lights Are On

Leading Off At Centerfold

Life's a Bitch and So Am I

Sarah Plain and LOL


Weed Against Speed said...

Well, it's about time Barely Legal got itself a sports column.

Christmas Ape said...

It has to be provocative and slightly naughty yet still sports related. My editor wants to call it Sarah Schorno's Got Balls (which is awful).

A little about the column: it'll be a mix of profiles and commentaries on different sports, sports figures and issues. The commentaries will be similar to my Huffington Post pieces but much less buttoned up and more provocative.

Provocative Provocations?

Grimey said...

Schorno for Pyros

swing4 said...

It's the Tits

It has several meanings, you see....

Vee said...

We Are...Menstral !

AKA: Best damn period...Sports Show?

Sarah said...

Holy shit. Am I actually going to get better suggestions from the commenters?

That's embarrassing boys.

naptown drew said...

Phil Simms' Super Bowl (Tongue) Ring... Blog

Anonymous said...

Clever Cleavage....its alliteration bitches

Weed Against Speed said...

Pap Smear Sports with Sarah Schorno?

Anonymous said...

HoneyDo Sports Blog

Christmas Ape said...

Schornery Old Cuss

You Didn't Pick Otto Man And Now You're Stuck With Me

Jordan Ginsberg said...

Freshly Schorn

Anonymous said...

We all can't be Baby Mommas

Pemulis said...

I may be Schorn but you can still play ball?

Mike Murray said...

"Freshly Schorn"

It's quite breathtaking...

How about Chick on Dicks?

James said...

We dropped the ball when we gave this chick a column?

or the always popular

The Cuntender.

Anonymous said...

Athletically Estrogenistic

Mike Murray said...

Schorno Knows Balls

Mike Murray said...

Swallowing Sports?

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Provocative and Slightly Naughty with Schorno.


Sports, brah.

DT Schorno (and I don't Defensive Tackle anything).

Putting it in the hole.

Blitzing the Ends [it's snappy]

Sports, no water, just sports.

Anonymous Sports in a Public Restroom

Weekly Dick Joke Jambor...(shit)

Illegal use of the hands, fuck it, I'm naughty right?, vag, that's right illegal use of the vag.

Sassy "Cool Chick" Talk about Guy Stuff Corner

I only pretend to like sports so guys will think I'm cool with Sarah

The Last Unitard said...

The I'm going to make you think you might have a chance to fuck me, but you're definitely not going to fuck me Sports Revue

The Last Unitard said...

The Balls

Anonymous said...

Still more Manly then Simmons

My Insignificant Life said...

Tom Brady's Next Knocked Up Chick

gone said...

Balls Deep in Schorno

Pemulis said...

Freshly Schorno and Free Ballin'

Roy said...

Schorndog The Horndog

Philip Sober said...

A SPECTACULAR Boob by Sarah Schorno!

flubby said...

SportsGirl365 said...
Holy shit. Am I actually going to get better suggestions from the commenters? That's embarrassing boys.

You could always leave it up to your commenters at Strike Zones & End Zones. Between the two of them they ought to be able to come up with something.

Ken Dynamo said...

Dont you mean "SPANKS for the mammaries?"

I am dickless but still kinda know stuff and camel turf tow are both gold.

Balls Deep or Faces Loaded maybe?

F.N.G. said...

Multiple Scoregasms With Sarah

Anonymous said...

I don't mind anal as long as it follows a nice meal takes the cake. though will fondle jews for sports insight is both clever, and true.

There really is nothing quite like a Schorn scrotum, I suggest you try it, it's quite breathtaking.

Punch Rockgroin said...

Backside Pressure

Punch Rockgroin said...

Serious Backside Pressure

Punch Rockgroin said...

Backdoor Alley-oop

Robocats said...

I don't have any original material naturally, but "Bumping Uglies" could be a good one, and it sort of almost passes as a sports-related term. I'm also a fan of "Backside Pressure".

gone said...

Splittin' the Gap Schorno

karasz411 said...

Here's a couple of ideas

-MY tits are smaller then Peter King's

-The less annoying Sports Gal

-I'll never be respected no matter how insightful this is

-Hit a touchdown with Sarah Schorno (not really dirty but funny)

-Friday Night Lights Off with Sarah Schorno

Jay said...

The parents who tried to man their kid 4real should be shot, violated by Shawne Merriman and shot again. Imagine having to go through high school with the name "4real", or even just "real".

Slash said...

How about:

Sports Bitch

Sports Ho

Sports Chick

Full Frontal Sports

Playing Ball with Sarah S.

SportSexxy (OK, that one's pretty lame, I was channeling JT there)

Getting to Third Base with Sarah S.

White Chick On Sports

Tom Brady's Next Baby Mama

K, that's it, I'm spent.

yarichris said...

I vote for, "Schorno's Sports Porno"

Steve said...

Halfway In and It Hurts Too Much with Sarah


At Least I Have a Clitenis with Sarah

Lifetime Sports or Oxygen Sports

Read My Post and I'll Fellate this Bottle of Alcohol

lmarshall said...

"Schorno's Goatse Menagerie"

Vee said...

Dick Fer-a-Meal

Alex said...

Tits on a stick

Alex said...

Inside the tanlines

Gern said...

Pole smoking daily.
Doad-Throaters Anonymous.
It's not DiGiorno, it's sports Porno.

twoeightnine said...

Tainted by Jew.

Unknown said...

The Morning Afterglow
The Morning Afterbirth
Thighs Wide Open with Sarah Schorno
Arm Candy
The Schorno 500
Schorno's Gag Reflex
Always Open with Sarah Schorno
Sweaty Balls
Even Easier than Milano
Ball Gag
Stop Looking at my Tits and Listen to Me

Charlie Green said...

Spreading the Field

Footsteps Falco

Missus Irrelevant

Under Center

Sports Agent Provocateuse

The Big Tease

My numbers are 365, 24, 7

Covering the Spread

After Brady knocks up Gisele, I'm next

Who's Now

Joey Harrington's Backup

JAMMQ said...

"Drafting Jared Lorenzen"

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

How about Hitting The Seam with Sarah Schorno.

Brian said...

The Cleo Lemon Party

bfreakin3 said...

"I can't define it, but I know Schornography when I see it.", if you're into supreme court references.

The Humanist said...

Whack Off To My Photo Already

iamsofaking said...

"Finding the Five-Hole"?

mikehasgas said...

How about:

"Are you going to watch football all day today?"

Wanna said...

Up the Middle

Going up top

Posting up

Going Deep

It's Long Enough, it's Straight Enough...

Touchdown Jewess

ben said...

Out of Bounds with Sarah Schorno

Sarah Schorno's Safe Word

Famous Jewish Sports Legends

Sarah Schorno's Flea Flicker

And, seriously:

All Kinds of Time with Sarah Schorno

Jeff Landset said...

Sarah Schorno is Wide Open

Group 5 said...

Uncut sports with Sara Schorno

Sara Schorno Straps it On (hi mom!)

Mistress Sara's Sports Show?

Shoopmonster said...

A Tale of a Schorn Girl and Her Merkin

Pemulis said...

"Look at how well I can articulate my thoughts on sports, even with a cock poking at my uvula!" with Sarah Schorno

Chris said...


No Purple Jesus post yet?

Citizen 10Cane said...

8 Men In Schorno's Box

Trader Rick said...

Uncovered Two

The Clear Heals

Right-Half Bitch

Fumbling From My Red Zone

My Ass Parlayed With My Brain

Wormfather said...

"Slumpbuster" Whoever came up with that is a fucking genious!

No offense sarah.

Wormfather said...

One on One on Two With the Schorno

Deep Coverage

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

Sarah Schorno's Weekly Money Shot?

Unknown said...

Playing the game above the rimjob with sarah

CFunk28 said...

Sports Schornogasms (because a multiple is thrice as nice).

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

XX's and O's with Sarah Schorno

Brando said...

Behind the Box Score with Sarah Schorno

Sarah Schorno's Locker Room Confidential

Unknown said...

Swallowing Yankee Pride

Queen of the Viking Love Boat

Sarah Schorno: Taking 2. Daily

Roy said...

Put a Cunt On the Dumb One